Sonder

| 05 | - In My Feelings

{ 1/07/16 - 5:23 am }

♪ I'm drained
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally
I done gave you all of me
And still you couldn't devote to me
Told you 'bout these niggas in my past, and how they hurted me
But you swore up and down that you wasn't the same
And how you do shit differently
You tweaked on me
Thought I didn't know 'bout the shit you was really on
Thought I didn't know about the creeping, and the cheating, and the sneaking and the hoes steady texting your phone
Nigga I knew, Yeah I knew, nigga
I was just waiting on you, nigga
I was just waiting for the truth, nigga
But look what you do,
Just let me go
Leave me alone
You know damn well that you doing me wrong
You know damn well I dont deserve all the shit that you do,
but you still blowing up my phone ♪

My depressed up is up at 5 in the morning, moping. My feelings were crushed. Not only was I breaking my number one rule, ' No Crying Over Niggas ', I am allowing that man to control my emotions. I hate how he has a hold over me. That shit just doesn't sit right with me. Plus, I am still hurt from my brother. My brother and I are the oldest, so we are the closest. Jaii was always with our grandmother due to us not wanting her to be in that house from hell, so Chris was always our protector.

I am just confused as to why he felt he couldnt have told me. I'm not his bitch, i'm his sister. It's not like I would have went off about this shit. He is so pressed on me telling him everything, and I thought he did the same, but I guess not.

Then on the other hand, Brandon blatantly cheated on me. He sold me false dreams while fucking other females. My only problem is he lied to me. I hate liars with a passion. He could've just been real with me.

Ann Marie In My Feelings blared through my speakers. My volume was turned up all the way, and I don't give a fuck if my neighbors heard. I really don't give a fuck about anything, at this moment.

My heart is shattered, my feelings hurt, and my eyes swollen from crying. My phone has been ringing like crazy all morning, yet all I did was turn it off. I hate feeling like this, but fuck it.

{ 12:35 pm }

My body lay sprawled out on my bed, as I listened to the lyrics of Funeral by Sonyae Elise. I haven't had any sleep, and I am tired. Not physically tired, but emotionally. I am tired of getting hurt, and of moping. No one hates feeling depressed more than I do. Pulling myself up, I started to clean. Every inch of my apartment is now sparkling. Cleaning, and good vibes due to a bomb ass playlist honestly made me feel better. I feel refreshed, and some what okay. I am in way better mood than before, I know that's for sure. Walking to my bed, I powered on my phone, and scrolled through my missed calls.

MySister 🎀👭💖 ( 29 )                8:00
FuckBoy 🚮🖕🏽 ( 32 )                      6:33
BigBroSmokes 💂🏾💙 ( 13 ) 6:12

I had a few more from irrelevant people, unknown numbers, and bill collectors. Ignore those, I clicked on my messages.

FuckBoy 🚮🖕🏽

Man, answer the phone

Baby im sorry

Did you at least make it home safe

B I know you see my messages