insane [bts]

dreamers dream of nightmares

chapter five >> dreamers dream of nightmares
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DAY FOUR

Raehee wakes up to a sudden panic. She doesn't know why, yet again. Her breathing is uneven and her forehead is dripping with sweat.

She always has nightmares.

It happens every so often, she'll wake up suddenly only to discover that she can't remember what frightened her so dearly. Before she can stop herself, she lets her face fall into her shaky hands as tears pour out of her tired eyes. She doesn't have the strength to try and stop the endless flow of tears. It's impossible.

Suddenly, it feels like she can't breath, it's like her usual panic attacks but much more drastic and chaotic. She feels like the walls are closing in on her, slowly but surly. The room's spinning and slowly emptying of air.

"You okay, Raehee?" Soojae's groggily voice makes the troubled girl jump. Soojae glances at the clock to see its only 7:29am.

She shakes her head continuely and squeezes her eyes shut for several seconds and opens them again to find that the walls are still closing in. She doesn't know what's going on. A panic attack this sudden has only happened once before--the day before she was admitted here.

She clutches her throat and gasps for air. She quickly starts sobbing and hiccuping while jumping off the top bunk and running to the window, she tries several times to open it. It doesn't work. "No, no, no! No! No! NO!" She screams in a hoarse voice making Soojae quickly jump off the bed and rush towards her.

"Hey, calm the hell down. You're fine, just-"

"I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe!" The panicked girl screams over and over again at the top of her lungs.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, it's okay. Just take deep breaths. Deep breaths," Soojae attempts to calm her down. At first it has no effect but after awhile her breathing finally soothes out and she stops crying hysterically.

Soojae pats her arm awkwardly yet reassuringly--she's never had to this type of stuff before, usually she'd just leave people to sort out their own problems, not help them.

"What was that?" Soojae asks as both girls sit across from each other on the bottom bunks. Raehee shivers uncontrollably and looks away, "nightmare." Soojae nods and lays her hands on her knees and leans in closer. "About?" Raehee looks up at her with a heavy look of despair, "I don't know."

It's silent for a moment since neither of the girls are used to sentimental talk for total different reasons. "I get them a lot, nightmares I don't remember, it's hard to believe that something so scary could be so easily forgettable."

Soojae nods and lets the girl spill out her emotions, she stays quiet and hums when necessary.

"I used to get nightmares too."

Raehee looks at the supposed tough girl in surprise. "You? Nightmares?"

She sighs deeply, "yeah. I guess everyone gets them, right? Mine were different though. Not your typical 'monster hiding under the unsuspecting little girl's bed' type of nightmare. When I was young I used to always get these dreams about being totally ignored, underestimated, unappreciated, completely alone. In these dreams nobody was able to see me, no matter how much destruction I caused to gain someone, anyone's attention I was still unseen. It was like I was a ghost. People would look straight through me, their attention focused somewhere else. I used to forget those nightmares every time I woke up. All I would remember was the feeling of being utterly alone. It was awful, especially at ten years old. One day I decided to keep a dream journal. One of the reasons was to record my nightmares in hopes of remembering them, the other was to spill my emotions onto paper to help cope or some shit like that. I used to always sign the bottom of the page with my initials, S.S.J. with an attempted straight line underneath, my penmanship wasn't that great back then so it never turned out straight."