This odd little group of ours met as often as possible. Previously at the movies and today we would meet up for some pizza.
This time around, not many of us could make it, only myself, Kayd, Elise, Priv would be coming. Apparently, Elise was bringing a friend along but none of us knew who. On the way there, Kayd presumed she was bringing Satan, her best friend who seemed to be evil incarnate.
"She can't be that scary," I reasoned.
"Bruh, she eats babies and shits demon spawn. Trust me, she's evil," Kayd explained.
"Kayd, my nigga, you're really just way too scared of this chick."
"She's the reason people sleep with the blanket covering their heads. That bitch is female Freddy Kruger!"
"You're just exaggerating, in my opinion."
We arrived at the pizza place to one of the creepiest things we'd ever seen. Despite not even having been invited, there sat Fluffy, waving at us like some cheerful retard fresh out of a successful mental asylum escape attempt.
"I saved you guys some seats," he said with a wide grin.
"But... nobody invited you."
"I know. You guys never invite me out, so I invited myself," he explained as he blatantly forced a single tear to fall from his eye.
"Tristan, you fucking disgrace," added Kayd.
Priv and Elise arrived some time later with another person walking alongside them. He walked next to Elise, a seemingly arrogant aura exuding from what society would generally classify as a handsome face, no homo though.
"Hey, guys," said Elise and Priv in unison. "And Tristan..."
"Hi," he cheerfully responded, still as cheerful as when we arrived.
"Whose your friend," Kayd asked enviously.
"Hi, I'm Nate," said the guest, extending his hand for a friendly greeting.
"Ew, what the fuck? Don't touch me! You probably wiped your jizz off with that hand," Kayd snapped.
"Lol, you're funny, bro," Nate laughed, slapping Kayd on the back as a friend would.
Kayd shrilled upon contact, clearly feeling disgusted.
"Fucking wanker," he said as he rolled his eyes.
"So, what are we eating guys?"
"Pizza, you dumb fuck."
"Kayd, bro, you're a riot!" Laughed Nate. "I don't think he likes me," he whispered to Elise, pulling her aside.
"Well, he kind of has a thing for me, so yeah..."
"So, basically, he wants to chop my balls off and feed it to something toothless?"
"Pretty much..."
"Hey, you two, I wanna know the secret too!" I hollered jokingly.
"Ooooohhh, she liiiiiikes him!" Mocked Fluffy, doing his best attempt at a Happy imitation, who was a character from an anime named Fairy Tail.
"Tristan," Elise simply said, gazing into Fluffy's eyes and burning through his soul with her satanic death gaze.
"Dayum, you guys are bitches," laughed Priv.
"Priv, does your mother ever use you to cook since you're so damn salty?" I asked.
"Yes, yes she does," he retorted arrogantly... cocky bastard...
After placing our orders, we chatted amongst ourselves until the food came. Fluffy seemed satisfied with the choice of pizza, however. Then again, he ate Domino's, so he'd be satisfied with almost anything.
Fluffy would eat anything and everything. Peanut butter and dog treat flavoured pizza? Yep. Your neighbour's dog? Duh! Your 5 year-old sister? Obviously. He was an eating machine.
"Hey, Priv. Pass me your hand. I need to sprinkle some salt on my pizza," laughed Fluffy.
"My words are as salty as your dick," Priv rebounded.
"Guys. I'm trying to eat. Please can we stop talking about dick?" Nate asked.
"Oh, you don't like mixing your two favourite foods?" Asked Kayd in return.
The was an enormous shift in the atmosphere as Kayd and Nate had a Death Stare Showdown right in the middle of the table.
"Now, kiss!" Yelled Fluffy.
The comment fazed neither of the two, who didn't even so much as bother to even shrug the comment off.
"Mushu!" I screamed, attempting to break the tension.
"Mushu?" Nate said, puzzled.
"It's Elise's pet lizard," Priv explained. "Kayd wants to have that things babies."
"Priv, shut the fuck up," grunted Kayd, causing an eruption of random laughter from everyone except Nate, who sat across the table aloof to him.
The lunch ended with high tensions amongst the present members of the group. Fluffy, Kayd and myself all departed in the opposite direction of Priv, Elise and Nate after saying our greetings.
"Overused ass paper excuse of a boyfriend!" Kayd turned around to yell, satisfied at having gotten the last word in.
"We're in public, fucktard," I yelled, smacking the back of his head.
"Can both of you shut the fuck up," snapped Fluffy, clearly also not having realised how loud he was getting.
"Guys. This was a shit day."
"Agreed."
