Fluffy and I decided we would start speaking funny on one chance day.
"Oody, ey em hoongry," which translated to 'Eddy, I am hungry'.
"Goo get soom fewd, Floofy," is how I would have responded, translating into 'Go get some food'.
Kayd was with us that day and we had taken to calling him Kood.
"If you guys aren't gonna say my fucking name right, then don't say it at all," grunted Kayd as his fingers tapped away at the XBOX control buttons.
"Calm down, Kayd," I laughed. "It's just a name."
"Eddy, I'm still hungry bruh," said Fluffy as he somehow forced a single, cinematic tear to run down his face and fall onto his shirt.
"Yeah and Kayd is still single. He isn't complaining. Go fix your damn issues," I replied.
"Go eat some ass," said Kenny in an offended tone.
"With pleasure!"
Fluffy stood up and left the room, not coming back for some time. I was forced to sit and watch Kayd play Destiny, one of my life's lowest moments. Having to watch a human of this caliber play Destiny was rock bottom. I carried on however, staying strong in order to fulfill whatever life purpose I was to complete someday.
"Hey, guys! You hungry?" Floofy hollered from the kitchen.
"Yeah, I guess I could go for a snack.
"Okay, gimme a few minutes, I just need to find them."
Just then, while Fluffy was gone, Kayd chose to speak.
"Elise... I seriously like her... like... A lot."
"Bruh, you've told me that like a billion times already. You remind me of Mordecai in a way," I laughed.
"What the fuck? Why?" He asked, with a straightened face.
"Cause you never have the balls to make a move!"
"Regulus, give me the strength to slap a bitch!"
"Regulus ain't here, trick!"
"Seriously though... do you think she's just playing around?"
"Personally, you keeping up your dumbass chase like this is pointless, in my opinion."
Kenny then suffered a headshot and was forced to sit through a short respawn period.
"Ha! You got shrekt, skrub!"
"Shut up, dick!"
Fluffy emerged from the kitchen, unnoticed by Kayd and myself. The snacks he held in his hands were yet to be noticed. He took his former seat on the couch as a crunching sound began to fill the air with a potent but not overwhelming fume. I turned to look at Fluffy, since the smell of his food seemed to annoy me just the slightest bit.
As he happily crunched away, I was shocked to see what he had in his hand that clearly filled his taste buds with extreme joy.
"Fluffy, what the fu- Kayd, bruh, are you seeing this!"
"Seeing wha- what the fuck, Fluffy?" Kayd exclaimed upon his eyes feasting upon the disturbing set.
"What? What's wrong?" Fluffy asked, seemingly completely oblivious to the current situation.
"Are you seriously busy eating dog treats?" I exclaimed, slightly appalled at Fluffy's daring disregard for the things classified as taboo.
"What? They taste good!"
"Meat tastes good but you don't see me running around eating human flesh, do you?" Kayd asked bluntly.
"Kayd, stop judging the poor guy. He just likes the taste, don't you, boy," I mocked as I patted him on the head.
"Eats dog treats, was born retarded and is somehow named Fluffy. I want to hurt your mother," sighed Kenny.
"Single, single, single. I want to hurt your girlfriend but I can't."
I burst out into uncontrollable laughter upon Fluffy's shade throwing skills being exercised.
"Bruh, I'm pretty sure there's a French Poodle out there somewhere in need of your fluffy dog cock."
"Kayd, you couldn't even get pussy if you went out and bought a cat."
At that exact moment, Fluffy's cat appeared, walking towards the couch. Fluffy lovingly stuck out his arms, expecting the pussy to jump into his arms, which didn't happen.
Instead, she jumped onto the couch and sat on Kayd in quite an inconvenient position.
Kayd had been sitting with his legs fairly wide apart. The cat had seized the opportunity and jumped onto his dick with little to no effort whatsoever, slowly pulsating in its seemingly comfortable position.
There Kayd sat in complete horror, his mind clearly having been confuckulated. He could not move, sheer shock having petrified him in place.
"What's that about Kayd not getting pussy?" I laughed.
"I don't know whether to be happy or sad about this."
"I'm pretty sure you should be sad if beastiality isn't your preferred path in life."
"Guys, what the fuck is going on?" I asked, utterly confused by the now completely disorientated situation.
"I'm just gonna go home now," said Kayd as he lifted the cat off of his lap and gently placed it on the ground.
"But your mother isn't here yet," Fluffy hollered.
"Yeah. I know. I'll walk."
"But-"
"I'll walk."
The door closed with a small click and no more than a few seconds later, Fluffy and I were in stitches due to our hysterical laughter.
We'd never let him live this magnificent day down for the rest of his life.
