So, on a Saturday afternoon, an adolescent delinquent such as myself definitely had something better to do but just didn't wanna do it. I mean, I was stocked up with homework and the study load was only getting bigger but the Power of Laziness compelled me.
There I sat, bored out of my mind, desperate for some social activity when the question suddenly came to me.
I snatched my phone from it's place on my TV's counter and immediately opened up WhatsApp.
After some quick scrolling, I entered a specifically dangerous chat I was a part of.
You see, back in late 2015, I made a few new friends after one of my friends invited me to join a group chat on WhatsApp. I was overjoyed at the prospect and joined as soon as possible. Upon arrival, I discovered that I knew some of these people and that I sure as Hell would like to know the rest but more on that later.
Anyways, as I was saying, Otakus (the term given to anime fans, such as myself) were some of the most dangerous people on earth.
Our "race" is pretty much full of perverts, psychopaths, crazy females and lots of Japanese words and suffixes which any sane human wouldn't understand. Those are just a few examples but you get the idea.
So, I began to type my message, hoping to laugh from the resulting answers. The conversation went as follows:
Eddy: Hey, guys, if you had to name your schlong, what would you name it?
Mikhail: My what!!??
Eddy: You know!! Schlong!!! Dick!!! Cockadoodledoo!!!
Mikhail: Why are you asking this?
Connor: Well, I'd name mine Mindfuck...
Eddy: Because it's so big that it fucks with your mind?
Connor: No, cause I once poked someone's eye out and went full force on the hole.
Eddy: .....
Fluffy: I miss my eye...
Eddy: FLUFFY! What would you name yours?
Fluffy: The name of my dick you say?
Eddy: Yes. I do say.
Fluffy: I call him Mini Me!
Fluffy: Don't get the name confused with its size doe... he's a monster.
Fluffy: A beast with no cage.
Eddy: I just lol'd... I'm supposed to be asleep. I think my parents heard me. Fuck.
Namae: Don't forget mine! I call him Batman!!!
Fluffy: Cause you're a Batman fan?
Namae: Nah, cause bitches love it when the Dark Knight Rises.
Eddy: So you have a black dick?
Namae: .... maybe...
Mikhail: I think I'd name mine The Penetrator.
Eddy: Honestly, that's pretty standard but let's go with it.
Fluffy: What about Michael and Dasc?
Connor: They're never here so I guess we can name their dicks for them...
Namae: Let's name Dasc's The Furry Bastard.
Fluffy: We can name Michael's Criminal Intent!!!
Eddy: Hmm... seems legit.
Jason: I think I joined this conversation at a bad time.
Connor: I name Jason's dick 'Kagune'...
Jason: ... bye.
Eddy: Let's name Alex's 'The First Time Offender'!!!
Fluffy: Rekt!!!
Fluffy: You know what else I'd name it?
Connor: What?
Mikhail: Hmm?
Fluffy: Goku. I'd name that shit Goku.
Eddy: Why?
Fluffy: Cause of his special attack... The Cumehameha.
Eddy: .....
Mikhail: .....
Namae: Pleb.
Fluffy: Your face is a pleb!!!
Namae: Namae has the coolest dick here. Vote for it... Namae's dick is running for president!!!
Connor: Namae, the length of your dick doesn't count if your personality makes up more than half of the length.
Fluffy: OOOOOOOOOOHHH HE DISSED YO' MOMMA!!!
Namae: Namae killed Connor in a previous life.
Eddy: Namae, shut the fuck up. Now.
Namae: Oh my.
Alyssia: Hey, guys!!!
Eddy: Alyssia!!!
Eddy: Name your dick!!! Do it
now!!!
Alyssia: Kyaaa!!! I don't have a dick!!!
Fluffy: Imaginaaaaaation!!! Use it!!!
Eddy: Just... DO IT!!!
Alyssia: um um um... Wolverine?
Eddy: Why?
Alyssia: Cause it's a cool name?
Connor: Are you asking us or telling us?
Alyssia: Wait! I've got a good one!!!
Eddy: Lay it on me...
Connor: That's what she said!!!
Alyssia: Daike!!!
Mikhail: What does that mean?
Alyssia: That's for me to know an you to find out...
Eddy: Somebody look it up.
Fluffy: Look it up now.
Connor: It means Huge.
Alyssia: ...
Eddy: Guys, I'd name mine 'Anaschlonga'.
Fluffy: That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.
Alex: You were wrong. I'd actually name mine The No Name Brand.
Fluffy: Laaaaaaaame!!!
Alex: My feelz!!! You always hit my feelz!!! ;-;
Eddy: Guys... I just asked one of my other friends this question in a private chat...
Fluffy: And?
Eddy: He said he would name it...
Eddy: ..... Fandangle....
Alyssia: Why?
Michael: Cause it dangles for the fans...
Michael: Duh!!!
Eddy: Guys... I regret bringing this up...
Eddy: Fandangle...
Eddy: All in favour of a topic change.
Connor: Wait, wait, wait, last one!!!
Eddy: Sure...
Connor: Saitama.
Mikhail: Most dangerous penis ever!!!
Eddy: Bye.....
A handful of years later, Connor become widely known for his ability to give glorious 'sexperiences'. The name by which they called him, you ask?
One Thrust Man.
