Fluffy and I had failed. Our part of the plan was pretty much a bust. Elise had caught onto us and forced us to retreat.
"What do you mean, 'She's onto us?' Like what the fuck does that mean?" Kayd asked.
"It's a pretty straightforward statement," Fluffy said bluntly.
"You two are so useless!" He sighed in return. "Omar hasn't even gotten back to me yet. That asshole doesn't respond to my texts!"
"You're the real asshole," I said, half-heartedly disguising my words with a cough.
"Ha ha, very funny, Eddy," Kayd replied sarcastically.
"I know, right? I'm a riot!"
Kayd shifted in his seat and held a hand over his mouth in quiet contemplation. "What am I gonna do now?" He asked himself.
"Kayd... Bro... I have an idea," I inserted. "I just need some time."
"What is it?"
I ran to the door and turned around to speak once more. "Don't worry for now but I'm sure it's gonna work!"
With that, I sprinted out of Kayd's house. This plan was foolproof.
It took me quite a bit of organising and lots of begging to set up, due to the man involved. It wasn't until after I told him he would get to fuck up Elise's date that he decided to jump on board with the plan.
Eventually, night came and Kayd the Illegal Driver (best superhero name EVER!) drove by to pick me up. Fluffy was already in the front seat as well as Omar (who was sitting in the back), who seemed pretty upset.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked as I sat in the left backseat.
"Kayd is simply an asshole," Omar grunted through his gritted teeth. Kayd grunted alike in clear distaste.
"Bro, you don't wanna know," Fluffy sighed.
Kayd shifted nervously in his seat. "So... you gonna tell us about that plan of yours yet?"
"No," I replied. "You'll find out when we get there. You know you're not supposed to be driving, right?"
"Calm down, he only ran over two babies this time... oh, and also a puppy!"
"Yeah, cause that's so reassuring," Omar sighed.
The drive was mostly silent with only a few words being muttered along the way. Omar seemed to stay mad at Kayd as well as Kayd at Omar. Fluffy and I just sat in the awkward silence of thick tension.
We finally arrived at Domino's and Fluff pulled out a pair of toy binoculars from a bag that had been sitting at his feet for the entire ride.
"Super high tech binoculars," I chuckled. "What's next? A world's greatest spy mug?"
"I've already got one, asshole," he scoffed. He raised the binoculars to his face and peeped through them, scanning the inside of the facility for "Kitty", the codename Kayd had decided to give Elise... sometimes I don't even remember why I agree to his shit.
"I see the Lion!" Fluffy hollered.
"The codename is Kitty," Kayd sighed.
"Have you met Elise?" Omar asked sarcastically. "It might as well be Lion."
"Pass the binoculars," I instructed.
Fluffy smiled smugly. "Not until you admit how legit they are."
"Are you fucking serious?" I asked.
"One hundred percent."
I sighed and followed that with a facepalm. "Your binoculars are totally legit, douchebag."
"I hear some attitude but I'll let it slide," he chuckled as he tossed the binoculars back to me, clearly chuffed with himself.
I stared through the store window. I could see Elise and Nate. The poor fool was desperately trying to feed her some Domino's, much to her aversion. She was smiling politely, trying as gracefully as possible to avoid eating the cancer.
"It seems at least one thing is going right... she won't eat!" I cheered.
"That's my handiwork right there," Omar smiled proudly.
"Well done," Fluffy and I said in near unison, Kayd opting to shake his head instead.
"Fuck, Eddy, when the Hell is this plan of yours gonna start? Domino's isn't the only thing Nate wants to eat tonight," Kayd stated.
As he wrapped up his sentence, one of many cars pulled up into the parking lot. I watched for a moment as the saviour stepped out. "Guys," I began. "The day is about to be saved."
The whole group of us four guys watched as the one guy Elise hated most walked ever so casually into the pizza place, stroll over to the "happy" couple and plop himself down next to Elise, extremely close.
Through the binoculars, I could see Elise becoming ever so angry as Jumbo began speaking. The plan would go perfectly as I told him to say (and ask) the following things:
Domino's has the best pizza ever.
Destiny is a shitty game.
What in Seven Fucks is Spirited Away?
SAO Season 2 was the best season of them all.
You have horrible taste in friends.
Why do you take art if you can't do art?
Fairy Tail and American Horror Story are cancer.
Not even 5 minutes later, Elise was raging wildly, screaming at Jumbo with a force that could rip off a man's head and tip over a train. She hated Jumbo more than anything in the world, I assumed. As far as I knew, he was the one person in the whole school that she hated most.
Kayd and I had switched up and now he was watching through the binoculars. He told us that Elise had begun to rage and was storming out. He also said she walked back just to throw some Domino's at Jumbo. She ran out and stood by Nate's car until he ran out to unlock it for her. The two jumped in and drove off. Jumbo was smothered in pizza but beaming in cocky accomplishment.
Kayd tossed the binoculars over to Fluffy. "Mission accomplished, motherfuckers," he hollered as we drove out the lot and began driving home, rubber burning and screeching against the tar.
This was one of the meanest things I had ever done most likely and trust me, I wasn't all that proud but it did feel good to have caused a win. Overall, throughout Operation: Cockblock, I learnt one key lesson in life... that lesson is that there is no shittier food than Domino's.
