You know what a curious concept is? Virtual realities. Ever played Sims? Ever played Avakin Life? What about ourWorld? Well, if you have, what grips you about it?
We sit for hours in front of a screen doing nothing but trying to make ourselves look better than we are for people that we don't know or won't ever meet. Ain't that funny? Hell, my Sims have have a better life than I do. That's the pinnacle of being a disgrace.
So, instead of spending my day buying new avatar clothes that are better than what I have in real life, I decided to go outside and experience the world. (By the way, the clothes are way too expensive.)
As I strolled through my neighbourhood, I realised that there's actually shit outside. For example, I thought dogs were mythological creatures up until I saw an actual jack russel outside. Then I remembered why I don't go outside. Those little motherfuckers are loud as Hell Hounds. Fucking Cerberus bitches in disguise.
I managed to make it to the nearby park and I grabbed a swing, watching on from my seat as natural occurrences occurred. You might be interested in knowing that NPCs are actually real. They're called people... who would've guessed?
My eyes grazed over the peaceful surroundings as the wind whistled through the grass and shrubbery. The clicking of footsteps on a stone path was one of the more satisfying sounds in life. Click, click, click.
Too bad it didn't last all that long. Sound pollution filled the air as I heard adolescent screams and mouth-made sound effects that weren't even really all that good.
What was supposed laser guns being fired or energy attacks being blasted came out as exasperated and agitated horse sounds. I shifted my eyes to the source of the ear-wrenching sounds only to find a sight that would fill me with horror beyond my wildest imagination.
The Conjuring... Evil Dead... Courage the Cowardly Dog... falling into a gorilla enclosure... okay, sorry, that last one was too soon but regardless! None of those could possibly be scarier than encountering a pack of wild weaboos.
They were sweaty, dressed in weird martial arts outfits, they had "genuine katanas" in their hands and they were desperately out of shape. I swore the body pillow was around there somewhere.
A young teen just so happened to walk past them. He was well attired. He had a pretty fresh pair of sweats on, his jays were on point and his haircut was dope, too.
They all gathered around the poor unsuspecting kid as he shuffled through his playlist, most likely full of catchy pop tunes if I was reading him right.
As he passed, he chuckled slightly and spat his gum at onee of them so, in response, they began shoving him around. He pushed back but was no match against the power of denouncing one's own culture. It was getting pretty serious and the kid decided to throw around a few punches. The one with a mouth brace went down first. I chuckled lightly as one screamed "Fighting types are always super effective on normals!"
Just as it seemed the kid was gonna get by unscathed, he was felled like a great oak being crushed by the foot of a giant. The instrument of his defeat was what I had feared most. It was the body pillow. It only got worse when I heard the wielder scream "Taste my love juices! My waifu just pussy slapped you!"
He was no match and the battle was pretty much over. I was pretty sure he'd have jizz residue on his face for months to come.
I rose from my seat and dashed away as fast as I could, hoping those bitches didn't notice me. None of them were senpai and I didn't want them to be. Those fuckers give Otakus a bad name.
I had a bit of spare cash on me and decided to blow it on a candy bar and a can of whatever drink I could get, as long as it wasn't love juices. The gas station was nearby and had probably stocked some good shit.
As I stood in line to pay, I noticed one of the workers was having an altercation with a boy in a black hoodie. Nice going, dumbfuck. If you're gonna steal from a gas station (or anywhere, for that matter) don't wear a black hoodie with your hands buried deeper than your morals. Also, don't get caught. The dumbass didn't seem to know either of those rules.
He tried to make a break for it but, before he could manage to escape, he got tackled by one of the larger men working the fuel pumps. I'm pretty sure at least one or two bones were broken or his spine was slightly misplaced. Some real Roman Reigns type shit.
I had enough of the scene and decided to walk home. Thing is, the short route to my house required stepping through a pretty shady area. Glenville. I'm sure the place itself did cocaine. If Glenville was a person, it would have been 2Pac or some shit.
As I walked through, I noticed a lot of creepy shit that pushed my balls up into my throat. I walked past a few dark alleys with shady looking fellas in 'em. I walked past guys blasting their music way too loud... they looked like they were craving some soda and chocolate... I walked past a fucking chalk outline for crying out loud. Like, what the fuck?
10 minutes of walking were almost through and I was nearly home free. Like I said, nearly. Suddenly, I was turned around when I heard a prepubescent voice call to me.
"Yo, kid with the candy!"
I turned to look behind me. "Me?"
"Who you think, pussy?"
This kid couldn't have been older than 14. Regardless, his voice was way too high pitched. I could probably have taken him in a one on one fist fight, though.
"Hand over the shit or imma gut you," he said.
"Hell no. Go buy your own!" I swallowed the last of the chocolate whole and crumbled up the wrapper dropping it at my feet.
"Ah, so you a disrespectful bitch, huh?" He whipped out a knife and looked me dead in the eye.
Fuck. Shouldn't have finished the bar but it was too late now. I had a Plan B so I was safe. I opened the can. When my lips started moving closer to the drink, he started walking closer. I quickly downed half and splashed as much as I could in his eyes before throwing the can and running as fast as possible. I was gonna make sure I got my money's worth outta my shit.
I wasn't sure if he chased after me since I didn't turn to look back after my escape plan began so I hopped the gate and rushed inside my house, going straight for my room. Fuck, I hadn't ever ran that fast in my entire life. It took so much energy to escape and exercise was one thing I truly hated.
I pretty much only have one comment in retrospect of today:
This is the fucking reason why I play the fucking Sims.
