Exhale//Matty Healy

//Love Me//

I was home alone because all of the guys had gone out for the night. It was the same cycle every single day. Matty would wake up and ignore me. He would then go and talk to the guys and once again ignore me. He would then go out in the evening. The guys usually stayed back with me but today they had decided to all go so I was left alone.

I sat and watched TV like I would when they usually leave but the TV was just there to fill the void. I couldn't give a shit about what was on TV but it was better than facing the reality. I turned the TV off because I wasn't really watching it.

I just want to know what I've done wrong to make him ignore me.

My mind was full of possibilities and I didn't want to believe any of them. I just hope that he was having a bad day but this has happened everyday for two weeks. I just need to know what I have done wrong and see if I can make it all better and hopefully Matty will want to talk to me instead of ignoring my existence.

I went to the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of wine and began to drink it from the bottle. I had soon finished the bottle and it had done nothing to make me feel better. I then decided that I needed something stronger. I went into mine and Mattys room and grabbed my bag. I opened it and got what I had wanted. I then walked into the bathroom and placed the lovely white powder into 5 lines with my credit card. I then proceeded to roll up a note and I snorted away all of the evidence. It was as if I had never done anything.

I put all of the evidence back into my bag and placed it back into the room. I then walked back into the living room and sat in front of the TV. I felt the affects quite soon after taking the drug and I just sat and watched the blank TV screen.

I heard the door open but I didn't flinch at all.

"Alex are you home?" I heard George ask.

I hear footsteps and suddenly they are all in the room with me.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks me.

"Yeah I'm great." I reply.

"Why are you staring at the blank TV screen. You know you can watch the TV if you want to." Ross tells me.

"I know. I was staring at it because it reminds me of myself, blank, empty and unwanted." I said. I then got off of the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

Matty followed me and rest of the guys walked off into their rooms.

"What's gotten into you lately?" Matty asked me.

"I should be asking you that question. Why can't you speak to me why can't you even look at me? Why do you ignore my existence Matty? What have I done?" I ask him. He stays silent.

"WELL." I shout and he doesn't even flinch.

I then decided to ask the question. The question that I was so scared to ask.

"Do you even love me anymore?"