I dont understand me

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I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I don't know how my own mind works. Why I sit here and watch others be happy when it makes me sad. I don't understand why I keep people in my life who are just going to torture me and rip me apart. Why I let people stay in my life when I know they're holding me back. I just don't understand and I don't know how much more I can take...

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