Pastel Princess ~ Joshler ~ boyxboy ~

.:13:.

     :/// Okay but like trigger warning for sad stuff like suicide depression blah blah blah. Btw this song is very important to me and if you want a new artist to listen too, please check out Adore Delano. Her new album just came out and it's flawless. Okay so continueeeee

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     Sometimes I forget that I'm actually alive. That I'm actually human. Breathing is something that we do involuntarily, but I still forget to do it. I just wish I could stop breathing without thinking. It wouldn't be that hard to just end it all. Right now. Maybe if I wasn't in a fucking gay kid camp. Especially since I was locked up in the ward. I haven't been outside in two weeks, and I'm on the verge of my breaking point.

     Ever since that one night, it's all gone to shit. I haven't seen Tyler since that night, and I remember the last thing he said as they pried us away from each other. He barely spoke the words, but I could read his lips clearly.
I love you.

     I stayed in the bed, staring at the ceiling, and I didn't even realize the tears running down my face. It just made me cry even harder, my voice going hoarse as I practically screamed while I sobbed. My life has gone too shit, and it's all because of who I choose to love. I will never be able to understand the logic behind that.

     You could end it. You could end it right now.

     "NOOOOO!!" I screamed, my voice breaking as I chucked a pillow across the room. I screamed even louder. I knew that they couldn't hear me, but I wish they could. I wish they could so that I could scream all night until I drove them insane. Until they looked at themselves in the mirror and couldn't even recognize themselves. I want them to feel the pain they put me through. The pain they put Tyler through.

     God I hope he's okay. If they did anything horrible to him, I think that I would go insane. I can't take any of this anymore. I just need to see him. I just need to hold him and tell him that this is all gonna be okay. That one day we'll got out of here, and we'll start properly dating, and I'll take him to a coffee shop, and I'll pay for his meal. We would go to the same place so much, that we would have each other's orders memorized. I smiled to myself at the idea of us being together, in a normal setting.

     After multiple more hours of violently screaming my lungs dry, I decided my vocal chords couldn't take anymore, and that my eyes were out of tears. So I just fell asleep, but for not as long as I would have wanted.

-

     "Joshua? Wake up. You're leaving. Take your pill first." Sadie said as she entered the room, practically shoving the pill in my mouth. I almost choked as she left the room, leaving the door cracked open.

     "You having 15 minutes to get ready,
15 minutes to unpack at your new cabin, and 10 minutes to yourself. Then you report back here for your... Training."

     "New cabin? What about Troye?" Sadie looked down at the ground suspiciously.

     "Don't worry about him." And with that she left.

     What?

     I rushed through all of my stuff, putting my clothes on and then running out of the room. I ran to the cabins and looked around. Nobody was even out of their cabins, which is very unusual.

     I ran to my old cabin and looked in, to see Connor sitting in Troyes old bed, staring at the ceiling.

     "... Connor?" He frowned at me and smiled, but not in a happy way at all, it was a sad smile.

     "He's gone."

     "... What."

     "Josh, after they took you to the ward, Tyler kind of freaked out. He basically went ballistic, he even punched Sadie in the face. Then they all went insane, and they fucking punched Tyler. Which of course pissed off Troye, so Troye started beating the shit out of them. He even knocked one of them out. He flipped out and couldn't believe he actually did that, so he left, he just ran, and we don't know if he's okay or not..." Connor said choking up at the end.

     "Oh my god. That. That's horrible Connor." I immediately ran over to him and hugged him tightly, which caused him to break.

     "... I j-just want to know if he's okay-y." He stuttered as he hiccuped.

     "I'm sure he's fine Connor, it'll be okay. Wait, so what happened to Tyler?" I said, anxiously waiting for the answer.

     "He was where you were, but they said he was going to be in the ward for a week longer."

     "Well we can't just leave him in there... Let's go break him out." I said with a smirk.