Shh.. Secret Princess ;) (Under Major Heavy Re-Construction)

Part 11 - Secret and Coping

*shrug* I was supposed to upload a crappy chapter, since I didn't know what to put into this, but with the death of my dog, I found a new thing to put in... So, I find it only right to dedicate this chapter to my awesome doggie Rikku..

Part 11 - Secret and Coping

"What the hell, bro!? What were you thinking!?" I heard Chancey shout as I squirmed in the bed, trying to be more comfy than I already am.

Wait! Chancey+hell? He never curses like that, not even the 'hell' word. I was covered with the blankey, so they wouldn't know I was awake--and I'm not planning on letting them know. Sure, I may sound like a snoop, but it's their faults they're shouting knowing i'm asleep; c'mon! Who wouldn't wake up when he freakin' shouts like that!?

I heard feet pacing the floor and the sound of a soft sigh.

"Uhh. Come on, bro. She had a nightmare, and 'appaaaaarently' your room was locked. You know how scared she gets when her nightmares become real," I heard Jamie say, his voice snappy on the apparently and turned soft in the last sentence.

I closed my eyes, trying to hear everything: birds chirping, air-conditioner running, feet pacing, soft clashing of bells, even the soft breaths.

I heard an irritated sigh, probably from Chancey.

"I knew I shouldn't have locked my door. I just knew it, but I just had to," I heard Chancey murmur to himself, barely audible.

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Chancey asked.

Tell me what?

"No, I didn't, okay!? And why the fluges are you beating yourself up over locking your door, huh!? I thought you were supportive of me, well, what happened to that?" Jamie asked sarcastically.

Supportive? What the fugs are they talking about? At least Jamie didn't use normal curses.

"Oh, come on! She's my best friend, bro, and you're my brother. Can't you see anything wrong with that? I accepted it, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it," Chancey said, irritation clear in his voice.

Wrong with what!? C'mon! Give me details.

"Well, then, it's not your decision. If you don't wanna help me, then so be it. She came to me, I couldn't have turned her down, even if I wanted to. But, don't worry. I didn't try anything on her, if that's what you're getting at. I'm so happy you trust me, big brother," Jamie said, saying the last part sarcastically, losing his cool.

The feet pacing stopped, and I heard a low growl, obviously Chancey's. I don't usually wake when people shout, but my mind subconsciously wakes me up when it thinks it's important, judging from my experience.

"Sorry if I don't want my little brother to get hurt," Chancey said, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

Wait, Chancey rarely loses his cool. Wait...... Hurt.... Try anything on me.. Wrong... Brother... Best friend... Supportive... Tell me.. Okay with 'it'..... Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. A weird feeling entered the pit of my stomach, one I didn't enjoy. Jamie.. No, he couldn't, he can't.

Keep telling yourself that.
*growl* Shut up!

You knew. Face it, you knew all along.
No, I didn't!

Liar, liar, shorts' on fire.
Please, just shut the fuggers up. I have to think clearly, so, shhhhh..

I already saw the signs! I groaned internally. Why did I force all the obvious gestures to the back of my mind? Why, oh, why?

Stop being melodramatic.

Wait.. Why aren't I hearing feet moving or voices anymore?

"You don't have to look out for me all the time, you know! I'm only a flankin' year younger than you! I know what I'm doing. And I don't need you to help me at all. I don't need your approval anyway," Jamie said, a seat rattling as he said so. He must've stood up. I heard cracking knuckles, and it must've been Jamie's 'cause he has a habit of cracking his knuckles when he gets worked up.

Don't fight, Chancey. Don't fight with him, please. I guess it's time to interrupt them before this gets out of hand. I stirred lightly in the bed, stretching and let the blankey expose my probably drool-trailed and sandy-eyed face. I blinked a couple times, pretending to adjust the light. I yawned and turned to my side, directly facing both of them standing. They both visibly froze but instantly smiled at me. I rolled my eyes at them.

"Good morning, weirdos," I said, my voice slightly raspy.

They both chuckled nervously, trying to make it reach their eyes but couldn't.

"Hey, Annie. You okay now?" Chancey asked while making his way towards me.

I rolled my eyes again and scrunched my face up.

"No, I'm not," I said sarcastically.

Chancey frowned at me, and Jamie made a move towards me, too.

"Nalz, I told Mary to bring your breakfast up here. It should arrive in any second now," Jamie said, glancing at the door.

Right on cue, a knock sounded from the door, and Jamie told her to come in. Mary came in, greeted us and bowed in her standard gold and maroon uniform, rolling a serving cart with a plate of food covered with a silver-plated food cover and a glass of pineapple juice on a bed tray.

"Hey, Mare. I would've gone down right when I woke up if lil' bro didn't tell you to come up," I said and smiled at her, sitting up.

I noted how Jamie flinched slightly

"It's nothing, Mi---Anna. I hope you're feeling well," she said as she placed the bed tray over my lap, taking the food cover off.

I waved my hand and said,"Just a nightmare, that's all. These guys tend to exaggerate stuff all the time."

I laughed with Mary as Jamie and Chancey scowled.

After a delicious breakfast, I returned to my room to get ready to leave for the photo shoot. Holly called me like 10 times since breakfast. Just when I was about bathe, Chancey entered my room, frowning.

"Geez. Would you start knocking sometime soon?"

I gave an amused smile as he chuckled a little, but it ended as soon as it came.

"What?" I asked as he made steps in my direction.

"You heard, didn't you?" he asked when he stopped a few steps away from me.

"Heard what?" I'm playing dumb, so what? I rarely get to.

"God, Annie. You and I both know what I'm talking about. Don't even try to lie, Nie," he said, frustration seeping out.

I threw my hands in the air and jumped on my bed, sprawling myself on it, staring at the night sky painting on the ceiling. I covered my face with my hands, and when I peeked through, Chancey was standing at the edge of the bed, staring.

"Fine! I heard. I wasn't asleep, so?"

"So, what do you think?" he asked, concern etched in his voice.

I patted the side next to me, and he fell in after he took his shoes off.

"I think. I think, I don't know, Chancey. He's Jamie. This is why I hate people who believe in love," I said and covered my face with my hands, groaning.

"Hey, c'mon. I know you believe in love, Annie," he said softly and sighed.

I groaned again and said,"Why does he believe that? Did I ever do anything to make him see me in that way or something? What the flickles did I do!?" asking myself more than Chancey.

"Nothing, Annie. You're you, c'mon. Wait, don't you have a photoshoot?!" he said, standing up.

"Oh, yeah," I said in monotone, slowly rising from the bed.

~~~~

On Sunday, I visited my parents. When I arrived, I knew something was wrong. I could just feel it. I said I'd visit them alone today. When I came in, the butler was looking at me morosely. I ignored it. I ran to the garden out back, knowing something was very wrong. When I reached the garden where our pets were, Mom, Dad and Jase were shouting stuff I couldn't make out. I ran faster, coming up beside them in record time. When I saw what, or who, lay on the ground, my eyes widened.

Rikku, named after the character from Final Fantasy, my dog, lay on the grass, unmoving.

I thought nothing of it until,"Honey, she went into shock."

That's when my whole world stopped; even though it felt like it was all going too fast. Maids rushed to my poor doggie and put ice all around her big, bony body. I stared at them, wide-eyed as they tried to get her out of it. Then, her breathing stopped. I fell to the grass, desperately trying to bring her back to life by splashing the cold water around her, hitting her chest. Finally, tears spilled out of my eyes against my will.

"Why?" I said, my voice breaking.

"I'm so sorry, honey. She had a fever, we didn't know. She stayed under the sun, and we found her like this," my mom said, her voice turning gloomy in the end.

I sat, cross-legged, running my hand down her dead body. Sobs racked my body, forgetting my own promise. I saw Jace looking down at my dog, her face clear of tears but sad. I looked up at my parents; Mom was looking at me pitifully, but my dad's eyes were going red, tears coming out. I felt my throat tighten and my breathing uneven. I sniffled, mucus being held back.

"Rikku, Rikku, Rikku, wake up. Rikku!" I said desperately, stroking her stomach.

Dad sat down beside me and hugged me, crying. The maids already left, knowing this was private. When I looked around, Mom and Jace were also gone, and all the other dogs weren't around.

"It's alright, babe. We did everything we could," he said, his voice muffled, rubbing my back, sobs racking his body.

Dad and I were her masters. We were the ones who walked her, played with her, trained her. She's been with us for only 5 years, since I was 12. I promised I'd never cry again after my Grandpa moved out of the country, but I didn't know it hurt this much. I never lost anyone, no one, ever in my life. My parents were young when they had me, so my grandparents aren't that old. Even some of my great-grandparents  are still alive. I was going to check on her yesterday, just to visit and play with her. If I did, she would've lived. I could've saved her. I would've known, but I didn't.

"Don't cry, baby. She would still be alive if I played with her yesterday like I should've. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry," Dad said, his voice breaking as he said so, the saddest I've ever heard him.

I rubbed my dad's back, breathing deeply to return air to my lungs. Tears continued to spill, and I couldn't stop them. After 5 minutes, I let go of my dad.

"Dad, I'm going to go home. I want to bury Rikku there," I said, my voice barely recognizable, hardly getting the words out of my mouth.

He nodded and pulled me up.

"We'll bring her there later. I'll bathe her and call your Uncle, we'll--" his voice broke, and he hugged me tightly for a few seconds before pulling back.

"It's okay, Dad. I'll just see you later," I said and turned away, steadily leaving, not stopping at all. I passed Mom and Jace's gloomy faces, but I ignored them, needing to get out of here, away from my dog's dead body. I knew even I couldn't comfort Dad, only he himself can.

I went into my car, turned the aircon on full blast and sped out of the driveway, heading home. It was a miracle that I'm still alive, considering I drove while crying. After I gave my keys to the guy, I rushed up the staircase, heading to my room. I cast my eyes down, not wanting anyone to see. Even though I kept my face unreadable, I just knew the pain would be visible. When I neared the door, I noticed Jamie coming out of his room.

"An--Woah, what happened?" he asked, his face falling as he saw me

I looked at him and shook my head. He looked uncomfortable, contemplating if he should comfort me or something; his eyes gave out everything.

"Umm. You shouldn't cry," he said, his voice unsure.

He thought better of hugging me and letting me cry on him, thinking I didn't want to, breaking my tough exterior.

I gave him a small smile and entered my room, locking the door. I heard his footsteps disappear and sighed and slumped on the floor, against the door.

Without warning, Chancey hugged me from the side. He knew, he knew, I didn't need to say anything, my voice would only break if I did. Mom or Jace must've called him. He must've waited for me here. We didn't speak at all as he hugged me, and I gripped his arm around me, crying. No words could make anything better, nothing could make this better. People think I'd hate hugs when I cry, but I need them more than ever when I'm sad. His arms tightened around me as I gripped on his arm harder, not trusting myself to speak.

Rikku. She could still be alive. But she isn't, I can't turn back time; no one can. I could've changed the outcome; could've. Rikku is--was-- the most loyal, obedient, nicest, most loving bull mastiff you'd ever meet. And she was protective when needed. She followed me, even without a leash. She'd only ignore dogs that barked at her or strangers who called her. She liked her tummy being rubbed. She was the biggest female bull mastiff around. And now, she's gone. Gone. Crying won't do any good, but that's all I can do now. She's not gonna come back, but I can't deny that I still have a spark of hope of her magically coming back to life, even if I saw her die with my own eyes. I loved her more than any other pets we have. She was the smartest of them all. This is how much it hurts. It feels like my heart was torn into pieces, and when it heals, I know a hole will still be there. I feel so cold, even though my face is burning. I'd bet everything that my face is as red as blood right now, my eyes puffy and bloodshot.

After God knows how long, Chancey brought me up and mad me sit on my bed. I fell back and clutched the sheets tight around me, trying to muffle my cries with the blankey. Chancey sat beside my cocooned self, his eyes slightly red. Even he loved my dog, but he just doesn't want me to see him cry now. Even I have to admit I don't want to see him cry. If he cries, the pieces left of me would break, and I know I wouldn't be able to stop mourning. It just makes it more real if her cries, like Rikku really is gone, even if she already is.

"Annie.. You can't keep crying," he said, no pity or sorrow in his voice, but I knew he was hiding his sorrow for me.

I looked him in the eye. He didn't pity me, he felt a part of what I felt.

After another God knows how long minutes, I succeeded in stopping the tears, and Chancey lay next to the still cocooned me, and he turned my TV on. He stopped on a channel showing "The Simpsons", knowing I needed distraction. If I don't get distracted, i'm just going to be thinking about Rikku and the sadness and pain I feel.



We buried Rikku in the middle of my favorite rose garden. They cleared a rectangular space in the middle and dug a hole ten feet deep with a stoned pathway leading to it. My family brought a coffin, just the right size for Rikku.  I watched as they lowered the coffin with the thingy they use. Where'd Dad get that on such short notice anyway?

Auntie and Uncle were somewhere around the country, so they couldn't be here, though they really wanted to. Mom, Dad, Jace, Jamie, Chancey, the guy operating the thingy, Mary, Ben, Lee and I stood around the open ground.

We all said our goodbyes and dropped roses, and I kept my face void of emotions. After dinner, my parents and Jace left. As I sat in my room, in front of my desk, I grabbed my extra notebook and a pen. I opened the notebook to the first blank page and listened to the random show running on the TV. A few tears rolled off my cheeks as I wrote the song about my dog. We Can't Turn Back Time and It Just Isn't Fair.. (I Posted them on Original Compositions♥ Check it out if you want.. It's on my prof.)

I sighed and heard a knock on my door.

"Mmmm?" I asked loudly.

"It's me," Jamie said.

"What?"

"Can I come in?"

"Mmmmmm," I said and shrugged, even though he can't see me.

The door opened, and Jamie came in, wearing a gloomy expression on his face, but concern for me evident in his eyes. He walked the distance from the door to my desk and looked at the notebook.

"You wrote a song?" he asked way too softly.

How have I never noticed he like, likes me?

"Mhmm," I said instead of saying coherent words 'cause I couldn't.

I bit my lip to stop the sobs from coming in and stared at the wall in front of me.

"Nala?" he asked almost inaudibly, looking down at me.

I looked up and raised my eyebrows, my stomach feeling weird all of a sudden.

"Umm.. I'm here if you need me," he said in a whisper, shifting his weight.

He looked so cute that I wanted to pinch his cheeks, but I restrained myself. He thinks he's in love with you, that won't be good.

"Mmmm," I mumbled, staring back at the wall.

His phone rang with the ring tone "Wake Me Up When September Ends," and he excused himself out of the room.

"What was that about?" Chancey asked as he rudely/normally entered my room.

I shrugged and jumped on my bed, staring at the chandelier.

"So, what are you gonna do about his, you know?" he asked as he kicked his shoes off and lay a few inches away from me.

"Nothing," I managed to say and cried again, for the umpteenth time this day, completely trying to get over my doggie's death.

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Anna knows.. O.O Oh.. And her doggy died :'( At least I got an idea for this chapter.... You think this chappie deserves a vote/like/comment? Plus, I got the list of characters... If you wanna check that out.. I might upload this weekend, before our exams start up again..

Thanks for everything, guys!