Frustration Diaries

April 9, 2016

Yeah, brave huh! Real time basis, good luck to me...

And you there! You really dared! I also wish you luck , I guess we both need a lot of it.

I guess you wanna know what happened this particular day... Hhm...Though before that, let's give you a little background first,

I'm a twenty something human being, finished a business course during college, landed a tutoring job that doesn't pay that much but it's the most comfortable job as far as this cruel world of mine tolerates the word "comfortable", and of course a frustration of a lot of things (it makes me weep).

I did a lot of attempts of writing or finding a respectable hobby that I might be good at but I think I must face the fact that I will never gonna have any decent skills and I just might tell you why I think so next time I'm in the mood.

But for tonight (oooh, yeah it's night time as I'm typing this...Additionally, the water tank is flowing so I took a pause...and now going back...) I decided to post this online because I'm a brave (not) person who haven't realize yet that a lot of people I know might be able to read this book.  

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Aren't you bored, yet?

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Today, I started my usual workweek (yep, on a weekend). I went to the office a bit early because the city's rotational brownout had begun at that moment (don't ask...) and I don't want to stay at home enduring a forty-two degree Celsius of hell (yes, I'm dead serious). 

For several weeks before, I had been feeling a bit disheartened because of a really boring but very important "adult" matter regarding my job. So then when I arrived at the office I was more bummed, at the same time happy for the distraction, when I saw that there were a lot of people inside our tiny office. For a few hours I put my concerns at the back of my mind and just did what needs to be done at that moment.

When I was finally done, my earlier troubles came rushing in.

I approached my superior and inquired for the nth time about the status of my concern...

(Jumping to the important part)

When I was finally given the chance to speak with our head (not the literal one *rolls eyes*), I let out (with utmost politeness) all of the things that were confusing me.

I was aware of the problems the company was currently in, but our boss revealed some deeper details into it. And so I who most definitely not a saint, would never be a good Samaritan, but not a totally heartless person, decided that I would not push through my utmost intention of approaching him. Instead, I gave him a much more favorable (for him and the company) solution and answer to my situation.

I was expecting to feel immensely disappointed with the outcome of that meeting and yet I was feeling curiously light.

A co-worker who knew about the meeting, asked how our discussion went. I told her it didn't go as how I would have wanted it but then I couldn't find the heart to insist on my proposition. Then, my co-worker said something that had become the reason I'm typing this poorly written journal to you now...

She said, "Give it to him as bonus, we don't know but your good deed might come back at you..."

An utterly simple idea we commonly hear and yet it clicked something inside me at that very moment. It gave me a bit more hope to go through today, to go through another day of battling towards positivity. 

As I mentioned on the excerpt I would be writing stories of frustration. This entry is not yet the beginning of it. This is a somewhat preview of a gruesome battle that a lot of us are unconsciously fighting off on a daily basis.

In that moment I have tasted a tiny sliver of what might be a helpful solution for my future self or to the few of you who might had taken a leap of faith on this mishap journal.

I feel contented and positive today, it had dimmed a bit after a few hours but I was thankful to have experienced it even in the nick of time. I'm sorry but you wouldn't really appreciate my entries if you haven't had experiences relating to any of this.

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As much as I wanted to continue writing, my eyes are falling off and I have work tomorrow. I guess I'd write to you next time. =)