Frustration Diaries

June 7, 2017

What you ought to have...

What you ought to do...

What one owes...

What one did...

What one has to do...

Things that was never owned, never done, and will never do...

Do one really owe? Be owed to? Be entitled to?

Should have made? Should have been done?

***

All these noises accumulated in a short span of time.
Noises that have been shredding my head to shrapnels.

All of these, rubbing into my face how little of value I truly am as a being.

All these, distracting me to what little peace I could ever grasp.

All these, making me ungrateful, unworthy, unsaveable than I already am.

And yet the world doesn't owe us as we don't owe the world.

But it hurts...It aches...It stings...

Makes you even smaller than you already are.

Gives you no chance of redemption.

Pulls you back to that cold, dark corner you had never really came out of...

The deeper you go, the higher the pain, the lesser people sees through...

But it's better this way. Let them think you're cold. Let them think you feel nothing. Let them believe all your lies you never meant to make. People listens to what they personally want.

No one realizes you just need them to be there not even bother listen, not even to understand...Just there witnessing... Then to hold all your crumbs together, with you...

'cause pain won't ever be taken...things won't ever be undone...situations can't ever be avoided...

No one truly escapes the cold...

But surely it'd be bearable to feel a presence in the silence... and that... that would be the loudest battle cry one could ever offer...

But they are not you, Lord.

So I'll just keep absorbing...'til the day comes where my ashes should finally be set free...