Dipping Into Together

Ch 24

It took me a long time to actually calm down, because right after I started having thoughts about killing Uncle, I start to think about Jonah, dead. Then I get to crying again, and there isn’t anything that can stop me once I get started. My mom didn’t really say much, just kind of sniffled and hugged me tight, like she was trying to squeeze the pain right out of my system. I wish I could be some kind of ketchup, just squirt everything I didn’t want out.

For a long time my mom just rocks me back and forth, whispering things that aren’t even words. Just whispering. It’s a pain I’ve never known before, something that starts at the pit of my soul and screams and screams, just like I scream and scream.

And disbelief so strong has filled me that I know it can’t be true, what she said. Because I know that me and Jonah were meant to be together, and I know it well. And if he’s dead, then we aren’t together, and that just can’t happen. People aren’t supposed to just die. My dad died, now Jonah too. I want them both back. I know I’m never getting my dad back, but Jonah…oh Jonah.

Once I pull myself together somewhat, I look at my mother dead in the eyes and tell her to stay put in this hole no matter what. I tell her that it doesn’t matter what happens, just to stay.

“No!” she says, practically yells. “You’re not going out there. We’re going to go back the way you came up and we’ll figure it out from there. There’s nothing to go back to, honey, Jonah’s gone.” She says it mean-like, but more scared, like she’s afraid I’m going to run off and she won’t be able to catch me. Like I’m going to run off and get myself killed.

Maybe I will.

I nod and say okay, but I don’t mean it. I tell her that we’ll crawl over to the sewer hole and I’ll drop down first, so that I can catch her. I don’t tell her about the ladder.

She catches me by the arm before I start to crawl back and asks me if I’m hungry. I nod because I’m starving, and she crawls over and starts to dig. A white bag appears, and out of that she pulls a whole burger. My mouth hangs open when I see it. It’s soggy and old-looking, but I don’t care. She tells me that she hid it just in case. I tell her to eat it, but she refuses, so I end up gobbling it down like I’ve never tasted food before.

And I don’t taste it.

I just eat it as quickly as I can and get to crawling. I tell her to stay there for a second, and she does. I take the flashlight and crawl all the way to the hole going down, knowing that this is the only way to get up to the house because the iron door going up into the shack is bolted and locked. I glance back in the direction of where my mother is, but it’s pitch black, so I can’t see anything.

“Mom?” I say.

“Yes, sweetie?” her voice comes from far away.

“I’m going to try and find the hole now, so you just stay there for a second, okay?”

“Honey, no, I’m coming. We’re not going to get separated again.” I hear her start to crawl and know I have to move quickly. I throw the flashlight down the hole and slip through after it, locking my feet into the rungs of the ladder and hanging onto the edge of the sewer opening with my right hand. With my left hand I quickly pull myself up and then feel around up in the dirt tunnel until I find the sewer lid. I grasp it and drag it very slowly over the hole. It’s so heavy, and very hard to do with one hand. I hear my mother’s voice, but the sewer lid is already falling into place. I snatch my hand out of the way at the last second as there’s a loud sound of metal hitting metal.

She’s locked in.

Sighing in relief, I drop down onto the concrete, knowing that she won’t be able to find the sewer easily in the dark, and even if she does, it’s sealed, so there’s no way that in her state she could lift it out. I was lucky that Jonah was still in good shape when he lifted it, and then left it open and I ended up not having to fool with it.

Once she realizes what I’ve done, she starts screaming bloody murder.

“DESTINY! DESTINY LET ME OUT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? DESTINY?” Her voice is slightly muffled, but I still hear her clearly. She goes silent for a second, waiting for my response.

“I’m sorry Mom!” I call up to her. “I just have to see for myself!” I pick up the flashlight and glance up at the sewer lid above my head.

“DESTINY OPEN THIS UP! DON’T YOU DARE GO TO THAT DAMN HOUSE! DESTINY!” She’s so angry, but I can hear the raw fear in her voice, the panic. Momentarily I feel bad for putting her in this state, but I know that this has to be done. I can’t put her in any more danger, and anyway she’d slow me down; I have to find Jonah. I have to see if he’s actually dead, and if he is, then I have to find Uncle. I have to kill him.

“I’m so sorry, Mom! I love you! I’ll be back soon, I promise!” I yell. She starts screaming things at me, ordering me to let her out and come back up there, but I’m already running towards the small tunnel, already on my way out.

---

I move quickly and efficiently, crawling through the tunnel with the flashlight in my right hand, illuminating the way. I don’t know where exactly I’m going, but I know that if I find some sort of opening, I can maybe get out.

When I get to the drop off of the room, I shine my flashlight around, noticing that it’s still nighttime. The waters still a little high, probably only up to my waist, though, so nothing to worry about. I randomly pick a tunnel and decide that I’m going to go through it. Flinging myself off the ledge, I splash into the water, immediately gaining my footing and wading through the water. Throughout all of this I keep the flashlight raised high above the water, knowing that if it goes out I’m done for.

In seconds I’m up the ladder and crawling through the foreign tunnel. As quickly as I can, I move through it. Turning and curving and winding, it seems to go on forever. My pants are soaked and stick to my legs. Torn and ripped, they’re not really much pants at all. They’re my favorite jeans, but who the hell cares? Why do we get so hung up on stupid shit like jeans and shirts and clothes in general? Jonah might be dead. That’s all that matters to me right now.

When the tunnel finally ends I smile in triumph and scuttle out of there, standing up immediately. Flashing the flashlight around, I take in my surroundings, which are basically nonexistent. I’m standing in a cement, closet-sized room that has a tunnel on the ground to my left and ladder rungs going up. That’s it. Shining my flashlight up the wall, I realize that the ladder leads up to a sewer lid. I almost jump up in happiness, but I don’t. Instead, I grip the flashlight in between my teeth and get the hell up that ladder.

My muscles burn, but I don’t notice. All I’m thinking of is how I’m going to get out. And when I get to where the sewer lid is right above my head, I push on it. Nothing happens, so I push a little harder, and it pops right out.

Anger that seemingly comes from nowhere suddenly bubbles up inside me and I shove the damn lid out of the way forcefully. The sky fills my vision, and I almost lose my grip and fall. I haven’t seen the sky in so long. Cool air rushes in at me and I almost feel lucky.

Now I don’t feel anything except pain and misery, everything else I just almost feel.

The only two things I’m sure of is that Jonah might be dead and that I’m going to do whatever I can to find out.

Pulling myself out of the hole quickly, I scoot onto the asphalt, instantly looking around to see where I am. And you know the weirdest part of it all? Even though it takes me a second, I know exactly where I am. I’m about a mile away from my school, in an abandoned neighborhood that never got finished being built. I’m about three miles from my house.

Three miles.

It doesn’t seem possible that I’m that far, but I know I must be.

I flick off the flashlight, now being able to see because of the bright moon, and start to run.

My muscles ache and my chest burns but I can’t do anything about either of those things. All I can do is go faster, and hope that I’m not already too late.

 ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please leave feedback, I really, really need it. Literally say anything. Any comments. Just somehting.