Dipping Into Together

Ch 26

Naïvely, I expect him to be lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, barely breathing, but still alive and waiting for me. But that is not what I find. Instead, I am greeted with an empty, bleach-smelling room.

Bleach.

Bleach. Bleach. Bleach.

I know he must be close, now. Because what does bleach do? It cleans. And what would you need to be very, very clean? A floor that had blood on it. Jonah was in this room at some point, I’m certain of this now. My heart does its own little stutter-step as I enter the room, walking over to the closet immediately. I tug on it, and it opens to reveal a very empty, very normal-looking closet.

Suddenly, I remember a conversation that Jonah and I had what seems like forever ago, during one of our first days in the underground hole. We had been talking about who-knows-what, I couldn’t remember, but there was one line he’d said that had stuck in my mind.

“He knew that you were my only weakness.”

I never thought of myself as a particularly bad person, but now I know with a certain painful clarity that I am the absolute worst. My stupid hero complex had ruined everything. If I hadn’t gone with Uncle that day, and instead turned around and run through the halls until I found Jonah, taken him by the arm and gone to the police station, none of this would’ve happened. We would be safe. Jonah wouldn’t have come home to find Uncle about to rape me, and my mother wouldn’t have gotten caught up in the middle of it all.

Instead, look at where I’ve landed us. Because I was his only weakness, I’ve caused him to either end up dead or barely alive, if I’m lucky. How can I even stand myself? How can I ever look at myself in the mirror and have a scrap of self-respect? I am the scum of the earth. I am nothing. Nothing but a stupid, impulsive girl that thought everything would end up okay if she just got this mysterious guy to fall for her and stick with it.

What happened to that girl?

What happened to me?

Shaking my head, I back out of the room and walk out into the hall, looking around at the walls, trying to picture what Jonah would have seen, if anything, as Uncle dragged him across the floor towards the room. I wonder what he thought of at that time, I wonder if he was even conscious. Did he think of me? Did he worry? I hope he didn’t, because it would almost be better if he just didn’t care, because then it would make it so much easier for him just to run, just to get away. I know that as long as he still cares for me he will never leave.

I’m lost now.

What do I do? I have no idea where to start looking for him now that I know he must not be in the house.

At the same time, however, I know that Uncle would never store him somewhere that he didn’t have control over. Something as valuable as Jonah he would store very close to him.

His bedroom.

I hadn’t even looked! Hadn’t even thought about it. My mind had been thinking about only the fact that Uncle was asleep and that he was alive. Under the bed? In the closet? Hell, even behind the bed, out of my view? Why am I so brainless? So utterly stupid?

Tripping on myself, I lunge forward, breaking into a sprint as I race towards the stairs. With speed like an Olympic athlete, purely fueled by adrenaline, I practically fly up to the second level. Not missing a single beat, I dash over to the entrance to Uncle’s bedroom, nearly falling back from sheer shock when I see what’s awaiting me.

Uncle, his head bleeding, is standing in front of his bed, and by his feet, being held up by the collar by Uncle’s clenched fist, is Jonah.

“Jonah.”