Dipping Into Together

Ch 36

I sit in the living room, staring blankly out the window for an hour, before Jonah finally wakes up. I don't hear him walk up behind me, and when he places his hand on my shoulder, I jump and get up quickly. Turning to face him, I force myself to smile, but it's obvious that I'm jumpy.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask, ignoring the frown that he's giving me.

"Better than I have in a long time," he says, but his tone is cautious. I break eye contact and look at the wall.

"That's good," I say, still not looking at him. Out of the corner of my eye I see him take a step towards me, and I immediately take a step back. If I get close to him then I'll lose the courage to ask him. He frowns, but I still don't look at him.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah I'm fine," I say breezily, walking past him and into the kitchen. "Are you hungry?" Leaning down, I stick my head in the fridge and dig around, trying to find something that he can eat. "I'm sure I can find something for you." I stand up and see that Jonah's followed me into the kitchen. Not meeting his gaze, I start to lean down to continue looking for food, but the refrigerator door slams shut in my face.

Jumping back in surprise, I turn and find Jonah practically towering over me. I gulp and take a couple steps back until the counter is digging into my back. I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off.

"Do you regret coming here?"

"No, of course not. Why would you think that?" I say, still not looking at him.

"You won't let me touch you. Hell, you won't even look at me."

I glance at him quickly, but then look away. I don't know why I'm acting so skittish, but for some reason I don't know how to act. I want to flat out ask the question that's on the tip of my tongue, but I also want him to tell me himself. Closing my eyes for a couple of seconds, I try to calm myself.

"That doesn't count," he practically growls, his hot breath hitting my face.

I open my eyes to find him right in front of me. "Jonah..."

"What is it? What did I do?" he pleads.

"Nothing."

"Well I must've done something... You can't even stand to have me near you right now. Destiny, be honest with me. Did you mean what you said last night?"

I look away.

I hear him sigh, and suddenly he backs away from me. "I don't know why you came back," he says quietly, "but if you didn't mean what you said, then you need to leave."

I look up at him in surprise.

"Because I cannot take you standing there not even being able to look at me."

"I--"

"You can't fuck with my head, Destiny. I can't handle it. Not from you. If you don't want me then just say it, and save us both some time."

"Stop talking," I say, "just stop talking. You don't get to say stuff like that to me. You left me. Do you know how hard that was?"

His expression softened slightly. "Des--"

"No, fuck you, Jonah. You left me. I had nothing. And I know I said that it was okay, and I know you apologized and everything was fine but it's not. Jonah, it's not. I stayed in my closet for weeks. I stopped eating. I wanted to die. And I'm not saying that it's your fault, because it's not, but Jonah you left. Did you think it would be easy without you?" I'm up in his face now. "Did you think everything would be okay? The last time I saw you, you were covered in blood and practically dead."