Dipping Into Together

Ch 38

Ch 38

"Jonah?" I call out, walking into the barn. "Jonah?" I head shuffling above me, but no response. "Jonah?" I call again, walking directly beneath the door. I hear shuffling again. "I'm coming up."

"Give me a second," he says, and his voice sounds tense and hoarse.

I sigh and wait.

When he opens the door above me, his face doesn't appear in the doorway. I climb up the ladder with a heavy heart, knowing that what's about to happen is going to be hard. When I heft myself up, and straighten out to a stand, I see Jonah sitting on his bed, his shoulders hunched. My heart breaks at the sight of him.

"Jonah..." I say quietly. He looks up at me, and I'm shocked to see that his eyes are ringed with red as if he's been crying. He drops his head back into his hands and doesn't say anything. I feel my own eyes start to tear up, but I try to blink it back. I walk over to him slowly, standing directly in front of him. Gripping his wrists, I move them away from his face and then cup his face, turning it up to look at me. He's so beautiful, and I hate myself for doing this to him, but I have to. Leaning down, I kiss him gently, savoring the feel of his lips against mine. I feel his hands grip my waist, and his head drops back as I tangle my hands in his hair. I feel my knees start to tremble, right as he pulls me sideways and pushes me down onto the bed. My back hits with a soft thud, and I am engulfed in his smell. He towers over me, his hands on either side of my head. Lowering his head, he buries his face into my neck, his hot breath warming my skin. I am on fire.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Don't be stupid, I'm the one who's leaving," I whisper back, "just kiss me again before I lose my mind."

He chuckles and rubs his face against my jaw, pressing small kisses everywhere his skin touches mine. "I'm going to be okay," he murmurs, and I'm not sure if he's telling the truth or trying to convince himself that it is the truth.

I link my arms around his neck and run my hands through his hair. "I know," I say softly, "We're both going to be okay. It won't be that long until we see each other." As I say this, I know that I'm trying to convince myself that it won't be that bad living without him again.

He pushes up for a second and hovers his face over mine. "Just promise not to meet some guy and forget about me." He says it like he's joking, but from the look in his eyes I can tell this idea actually frightens him.

"Just as long as you don't meet some pretty country girl and forget all about me."

He sinks down onto his side next to me, pulling me to his chest. He kisses the top of my head and whispers, "Never." And I believe him.

***

My heart beats in my ears as Pearl's beat up pick-up truck pulls into the airport parking lot. Jonah hops out and unloads my luggage, but I don't move. It's not the end of the world, really, leaving him. I was relatively happy before I came to Kentucky, of course I was euphoric when I was with him, and now I'm leaving. But I should be okay going back home. I'll have Aunt Mel. I'll be okay. I just have to spend the summer catching up on school, and then I have senior year, and then I'm out. It's just one year. Like I said, not the end of the world. But it feels like it. It feels like I'm saying goodbye to him forever. I know I'm being over dramatic, but I can't help it. I want to have more time; I feel like I just got here. The two weeks passed too quickly.

I get out of the car and wait motionlessly on the sidewalk. Pearl parks the car and makes her way over to us. I want her to slow down, she's moving way too quickly. They both are. Time is. I close my eyes for a second and mentally tell myself to get a grip, before opening my eyes and flashing them a smile. Taking my suitcase, I walk into the airport.

Checking in is a blur. I barely even register anything that happens, and before I know it we're standing at the gate and it's time to say goodbye. We stand around for a couple of seconds, staring at the ground, before Pearl leans forward and pulls me into a hug.

"You'll be okay," she whispers into my ear. Patting my back, she adds more loudly, "I hope to see you soon." Clearing her throat, she pulls back and gives me a tight, sad smile, patting me on the shoulder, before glancing at Jonah and saying quietly, "I'm going to go to the bathroom for a second, so I'll just meet you out next to the car." She gives me another smile before turning and walking off.

I stare after her, wishing that I could go with her and escape from the moment that's about to come. Straightening my mouth into a flat line, I try to control the urge to cry. Breathing in deeply, I prepare myself mentally to face him.

Just as I'm about to turn and look at him, I feel him grip my wrist lightly and slide his other hand behind my neck. His head comes to rest against my forehead, and he closes his eyes and lets out a long, deep breath that seems to come from his toes.

"Do you know that the first time I saw you, I knew you'd be important to me?"

Even though there are tears in my eyes I let out a small laugh and say, "Shut up, Jonah, don't be such a cliché."

"No, I'm serious. I remember I had been walking to class, when all of the sudden I heard yelling and loud laughing. I turned to see what it was, and then there was this short girl sliding across the floor. You should've seen your face when you got up, so angry. And then later, when I saw you at the library, so focused on your book. Then the next time in class, when that girl knocked your stuff everywhere."

"Do you seriously remember every moment with me?" I ask, half-joking.

"And then during lunch you were eating that disgusting pizza all by yourself, and I remember wondering why you weren't sitting with anyone," he continues, ignoring my question, "That day was the first day I ever spoke to you. Then I gave you a ride one morning, and then later in class you got up and your eyes were red as if you'd been crying. I wanted to know what was wrong with you," he whispers, bring his hand up to cup my face, brushing the tears away that were slipping down my face. "That night was a bad one for me, so I decided to go out for a drive. Imagine my surprise when I almost ran you over. And then we stayed up half the night. It was so nice, so peaceful, and you were so beautiful. So fucking beautiful. I wanted to know you right then. And then the next day I found out your name and just made a fool out of myself, but you didn't seem to care. I wanted to kiss you every second after that day. I thought about you all of the time. I still do."

I grip the front of his shirt and stay silent, hoping that this moment never ends.

"I guess what I'm trying to say that from the first moment I saw you, I knew that there was something a little different about you, Des. And I want you to know that it doesn't matter if it's a month or a year or ten years until I see you again, I will not stop thinking about you, or loving you, or missing you."

I let out a laugh, tears on my cheeks, and say, "I told you not to be such a damn cliché, Jonah." And then he pulls me to him and kisses me, and for a second everything is okay. Everything is right.