Dipping Into Together

Ch 35

We finally fall asleep together, curled up on my bed, around eight o'clock in the morning. I would expect myself to sleep better in his arms, but even as I was falling asleep I had a nagging feeling that there was something important I was forgetting to ask him. It came to me in a dream. Over the months I've had countless nightmares about the kidnapping, but this time was different. This time I dreamt that I was in the sewer, except it was more like a memory than a dream, because I dreamt about a specific moment that actually happened. Actually, not even a moment, really, just a thought. A thought about a paper that I had discovered and never opened in Jonah's car.

I sit up, drenched in sweat but shivering. The paper. I had forgotten all about it. Glancing down, I find Jonah asleep, sprawled out with his mouth hanging open, snoring lightly. My heart swells with emotion, but there's something holding me back. I scoot out of bed and pad into the kitchen, closing the door of the bedroom behind me. Glancing outside I see that it's probably four or five o'clock in the afternoon. How will I bring it up? Should I even bring it up? I ease the front door open and step out onto the porch. Maybe Pearl would know something. The grass tickles my feet as I cross the yard and start to walk down the gravel path. I'm still in my pajama pants, but I don't really care. My mind is elsewhere. By the time I reach the fork in the road, my pace has quickened to a fast-walk. When I start up the road leading to the main house, I break out into a run.

The house appears gradually, seeming to triple in size with every step that I take. It's a huge farm house, white and pristine, with a wide wraparound porch and dark blue shutters. The lawn in front of it is bursting with every flower imaginable, and there are pretty maple trees scattered around in different places. I spot Pearl's pick up truck parked outside of the garage and bound up the porch steps, knocking loudly on the door.

She comes after a minute or two, with an apron tied on her and a wooden spoon in her hand. "Destiny," she says, seeming a bit surprised, "I was starting to wonder what had become of you." She motions me in with a wave of the spoon. The interior of the house was cozy and decorated in an antiqued style that keeps the house's country charm. Warm colors and plush sofas practically beckon me inside.

"I have a question for you," I say, following her into the kitchen.

She stirs a pot sitting on the stove and says, "Well, get on with it then."

"I uh--well I was wondering if Jonah has any big secrets or things that he wouldn't want me to know." It comes out in a rush.

Pearl turns around and looks at me, frowning slightly. "Well I would think that Jonah himself would like to tell you, though I can't imagine what it is."

"You don't know?"

"Well I'm not sure what it is you think he's hidin' from you. I might know, but I'm not sure since I don't know what exactly your talkin' about," she says, turning back to the stove. "I don't know him very well so I'm not really sure what he has to hide."

"What do you mean you don't know him really well?"

"Well ever since he started hopping from foster home to foster home I haven't really seen much of him. Last time I saw him was the day he was born, but his momma snatched him away right quick. Never saw him after that until I got a call sayin' that my grandson was in the hospital as a result of being held hostage by his foster father. And I went, 'What?', cause I didn't know what the hell they were talkin' 'bout."

I stare at her, my mouth open slightly. I then realize that she assumed that I already knew that Jonah was a foster kid. If I wanted her to tell me more then I couldn't let on that I didn't know or else she'd think it wasn't her place to tell me. I forced my face to relax into a normal expression.

"Did they ever uncover the name of his foster father?"

"Oh, sure. Charlie McCanister." She frowns. "They never told you?"

I shake my head. "I asked not to be informed of any information, or actually my Aunt Mel asked for me. She didn't think I was in a good state of mind to hear about the incident any more, and I wasn't."

Pearl nods at this.

"Do you know how long Jonah was with--" I swallow, "Charlie?"

She turns back to the pot and stirs. "Well, he moved in with him during the fall of last year. So only a couple of months."

It takes me a second to realize that during my dark period, I was so out of it that I didn't realize that New Years had come and gone. By fall of last year she was referring to just a couple of months ago. What had happened to Jonah's mom? Or his dad? Why did he never tell me that he was a foster kid? Or that 'Uncle' was actually not his uncle? Or any of it?

"But I guess you already knew all of that, huh?" she says, turning around to smile at me.

I force myself to smile back. "Yeah, of course, I just wanted to make sure I had all of the information straight." I make my tone light, "One thing he never did tell me, though, is how he didn't know about you."

"Well," she says, "as you must know, his mother wasn't very fond of me. She made sure that I was taken off all information she had, and since she wasn't my daughter, there wasn't much I could do."

"Wasn't your daughter?" I ask, confused.

"Jonah's father is my son."

"Oh, of course. Sorry, I forgot." I wave my hand and try to seem nonchalant. "Well," I say, "I better get back to Jonah."

"You've seen him?"

I nod. "Yes ma'am. Things are a little shaky still, but it'll get better."

She smiles warmly. "Oh I know it will. Y'all have something worth fighting for. Something special."

I give her another smile and small wave and head down the hall and open the front door, stepping out into the sun.

...

I stand in the doorway and watch his sleeping figure, feeling a sense of déjà vu, except with flipped roles. The sunset outside is pink, giving the room a rosy tint. Jonah looks heavenly, and I want more than anything to go to him and lay my head down on his chest and fall asleep. I want to let go of everything. But I know it's not that simple. I can't just let go of everything that he's kept from me. I'm not mad, because I know how it is to have a part of your life that you want to keep hidden. And really, he didn't have much of a chance to tell me before our lives got turned upside down. But before we jump back in heads first into being whatever it is that we are, I want to know. I need to know. And if he doesn't want to tell me that's fine, too. I would wait for him until he's ready. I know he's worth it.

I know we're worth it.