years always go by that I stay occupied with you.
spontaneous, we grow.
I don't know why I let us do this.
I have never been so on-off, I have never been so hurt and loved at the same time.
You never hurt me, physically, and I thank you for that.
Mentally? Once. Once we argued. Once I went to another town for two hours and I wanted to just cry.
I knew what was coming.
It gave my head and my heart a burning sensation, kinda like someone dumped hydrochloric acid on me in a chemistry lab.
Of course, in this case, I would have to go in the emergency shower.
Now, I have two of those.
One in that class, and one in my home.
The one at home is for emergencies of my mind.
Every time we talk, and every time we touch, there I go.
I can spend my hours in there crying over what I did to make you so upset, or I can reminisce on the good day we had together.
But you see, this way of living won't help us anymore.
We keep going back to each other, when maybe we need to let go.
This toxic way of living can't be anymore.
We promise ourselves false hopes, and think it will be the last time.
For us now, in the present, during this reconnection let's make a true hope.
Let it be the last time.
Whether it never ends, or whether it does.
Whatever happens is a last.
I cannot cry, I cannot reminisce.
I cannot sob, I cannot love if it is toxic.
In the end we will just burn, and there I will go.
get inside,
wash the thoughts away.
this is way too toxic,
for you and I to stay.
