AWARE (After Allegiant)

Chapter Twenty - You Came Back

Tris

Regret is my instant feeling. I don't feel any better, I feel worse. So much worse. I thought once I finished it up with Mathew I'd feel better, lighter I guess. Instead I got the complete opposite. Dirty and filthy, his hands were touching and groping. every time he touched me it made me flinch, I wanted to get away. I wanted to stop.

He said no. He said I'd feel better, that I'd be relieved. I tried so hard to get him off me. I didn't want to, screaming, crying, pushing, shoving. It wouldn't work. I know I wanted to at first, I really did think it would make me feel better.

Salt water, down my cheeks.

Quickly, it turned bad. He touched me where I didn't want to be touched. He kissed me when I said no, he did things that I told him not to. He did what he pleased, ignoring my pleads for him to stop. I cried until he was satisfied. And then, I cried for a bit longer.

Now, Mathew's asleep. I might as well get changed and leave.

Black t-shirt, red flannel shirt wrapped around my waist, black jeans with pre made rips in them and dark brown combat boots. I leave the apartment as quietly as possible and head over to Tobias' apartment, well, our apartment.

+++

I pull the key out of my pocket unlock the door and walk in. I gasp.

"Tobias!" I scream. "What are you doing?! Oh god, no, no, no." God please no, please, please no. I sprint to him. He's lying on the floor with a knife set deep into his stomach. The handle of the knife is resting in his right hand. The room reeks of alcohol and vomit. Red wine, or blood or a mixture of the two is all over the floor. There's thousands of shards of glass scattered around the room.

"Tris?" He groans.

"Tobias, it's me, it's me. I love you, it's okay. It'll be okay." I ramble. I resist the urge to pull out the knife. Slowly, I place my hand over the wound gently.

"Tobias." I sob, tears flowing freely from my eyes. "W-what did you do?!" He brings his hand up to my cheek, caressing it lovingly.

"You came back." He whispers in a raspy voice. A sob escapes my lips. I feel the flames inside my eyes it's burning so bad.

"Shh." Tobias shushes me. "I'm not worth your tears." This makes me sob more violently.

"Of course you are! I love you!" I shout. I see a faint glimmer in his perfect blue eyes. He's dying. I can see it. But he has hope.

Tobias

I messed up this time. I drank to suppress my feelings but I can't shake these ones off. I can feel death pulling me close but I refuse.

"Pay attention okay, I need you to listen." Tris says clearly and firmly. Right now, I'm completely defenseless. The walls that I built are going to come down in a matter of seconds. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Tris is watching me with an intense gaze. Her eyes are staring into mine. She's looking at me lovingly but sadness is swimming around in those perfect grey-blue orbs.

"We need to get you to the hospital." She's looking around for her phone. Her eyes light up once she's found it. I don't take my eyes off her once. Even when she gets up to grab her phone. She comes back down next to me.

"Ambulance, please." She says, her voice is shaky and her lips are quivering. I did this to her, me, I did this. I don't feel the pain in my stomach, it's completely numb, I am completely numb.

"My-my boyfriend, he-he stabbed himself. It's his stomach" She says pausing every now and then.

"Oh my god, thank you." She doesn't hang up, she just puts the phone on speaker so her full attention can be on me. The woman gives her instructions that I don't care to listen to. I just watch her as she unties her flannel shirt from her waist and places it gently on my cut. Her hands, her forearms, her shirt and her jeans are covered in my blood. Tears are staining her beautiful cheeks. Yet some how, under this circumstance, she still looks beautiful.

I hear so many foot steps coming towards me. The people come into my vision just seconds before they push Tris off me. She stumbles backwards and covers her blood stained hand over her mouth, trying desperately to contain her sobs. All of this happens minutes before I slip out of consciousness.