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"Brendon," the voice stopped me in my tracks as I was on my way to the kitchen. I turned my body to see him staring at me from the couch. "could we talk?" He asked in a low voice.
I felt my heart pounding in my chest and the voices in my head were screaming no, don't do it, but I nodded my head without really thinking.
"Yeah. Sure." Frank got to his feet, Gerard mumbling something to him, but he brushed him off. "We can go out on the patio." I suggested. Frank nodded and I walked past him, opening the patio door and the both of us stepped out onto the cement.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," he said after I closed the door all the way. "for everything I've ever done or said to you."
"I get it." He said quietly. "You and Gerard don't have anywhere else to stay so you're just trying to be nice to me and apologize for raping me so you have a place to eat and sleep."
"Brendon, that's no -"
"I just don't understand how you can be so calm being around me after what you've done." I interrupted. "I have to live with that everyday and now, here you are, standing right in front of me. You spent the night in my apartment last night. Just one room away from me."
"I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to happen like that, okay?" I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding what he means.
"Wasn't supposed to happen like what?" I asked.
"The guys and I were messing around and they bet me twenty bucks to sleep with you. I knew you wouldn't do it willingly, so I went about it the wrong way."
I stared at Frank in disgust before I brought my hand up to meet his cheek. The skin on skin contact making even myself jump. The patio door opened and I heard Gerard and Ryan saying something but it was going through one ear and out the other.
"Twenty dollars? You raped me for twenty fucking dollars!?" I yelled at him, my eyes filling with tears. "Is that all I am to all of you? A game? Did it not occur to you that I'm a person too, and I have feelings? Just like all of you selfish assholes?" Frank held a hand to his cheek and kept his eyes on the ground. I shook my head and pushed past Ryan and Gerard and headed down the hall to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and hiding underneath the comforter on the bed.
I'm used to being treated this way, it shouldn't come as a surprise to me.
"Bren?" I heard Ryan's voice softly echo through the room. At the sound of the door closing, I pulled the comforter from over my head and my eyes met Ryan's. He instantly climbed up on the bed and wrapped his arms around me and I just let myself fall apart. Ryan petted my head, kissed my forehead and whispered things to me that I couldn't make out over my crying. I held onto him and buried my face in his chest. "It's going to be okay." Ryan says quietly next to my ear.
"Nothing is ever okay." I tell him.
"What's got you so upset?" He asks, like it wasn't obvious. "Because he apologized or because he did it for money?" I pulled away from Ryan and furrowed my eyebrows.
