The Taboo Topics

The Chase

How in the bloody hell did I find myself in this situation?

Oh thats right, Sirena Xanthis.

That little 5'3 greek minx pulled me into one of her crackpot ideas again.

What is this crackpot idea you ask?                                                                                                                 Well, it involves us, the police, animal control, a Hawaiian shirt and a llama.

"Hurry up Kristen before I kick your skinny little ass too the bloody moon and back!" Ah yes, the ever so charming Sirena has another complaint.

"Well sorry I'm not a bloody cross country champion like somebody!" I replied as clearly as I could with my heaving and puffing.

"Through the paddock's Kristen, quickly!"

And now I'm about to get my new shoes coated in a layer of nice, fresh, cow patties. Yay.. (note sarcasm).

Sirena, who as I might like to add, still hadn't broken a sweat, was trying, and failing, to get the llama off the ground. Said llama, has decided to take a little rest. But no, you, Mr Llama are with Miss Sirena Xanthis, resident crazy person.

"Oi Kristen, get over here and help me lift this llama." She screamed at me. I looked at her like she was absoutely off her rocker. Which she was most likely was

"What the hell have you been smoking? How the hell are we meant to lift a llama?" I asked confused out of my mind at what she was thinking. 

"Just try would you?" Bloody hell, If I wasn't there when her mum got her tested, I probably would have called the cops myself.

Murmuring a long string of swear words, I went over too help her.

After about fifteen minutes, we, suprisingly, managed to lift the entire llama by grabbing it's legs. I, unfourtunaly, got the back.

We had beem walking for about twenty minutes when I realised something.

"Were the bloody hell are we going anyway Sirena?" I asked with a little trouble. Seriously, the llamas butt was crushing my boobs really badly.

"Too my uncles house!" Ahh Sirena's Uncle Halithersis, a greasy little man who ran a brothel in his garage and made cocaine in his basement. I guess he was going to hold the stolen llama for a few days. 

Suddenly, I felt something warm and smelly trail down the front of my shirt and inbetween my boobs. 

"Eww Sirena, Your bloody stolen llama shat down the front of my shirt!" I yelled at her.

"Well deal with it, hes been knawing on my hair for about five minutes now!" She replied in a frustrated tone.

So with llama shit running down my shirt, one shoe on my foot and the other one abandoned in a pile of cow patty and arms ready to drop off any second, we reached Sirena's Uncle Halithersis House.

"Shit! Kristen! look the cops are here! they caught him! Oh my god!" Sirena screamed loudly making a few heads turn our direction.

"Look! Those are the girls who stole Rupert Grints llama!" One of the Police shouted.

"Good one Sirena! Run!" I yelled dropping the llama. 

As we started running I heard a voice shout above the chaos.

"Run through the house and down too the basement!" Halithersis yelled.

Sirena seemed too know what he meant and dragged me to through the house, to the garage, too the shelf of toys (If you know what I mean) and yanked down a book of positions. 

Suddenly the shelf opened and led to a hallway.

"I think they went in here." I heard a voice travel through the open door.

Sirena yanked me into the doorway (shelfway?) and closed it shut. 

we walked down the hallway and came into a room.

" Oh my god." Is what came out of my mouth when I saw what the room was.

"Honestly Kristen, what did you expect. The man does own a brothel. Of course he has one of these." Sirena said in a patronizing tone.

"So what do we do now?" I asked Sirena, completely ignoring what she had said before.

"We will climb out the window up there." She said as If it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How do we even get up there dumbass?"

she was silent for a moment.

"Okay pass me that box of blindfolds, we will tie them together, attach an end to that gag and hook the gag to that hook. We'll then climb up it and make our way to freedom!" was her genuis plan. I seriously worry about her sometimes.

So we started on her plan and soon our masterpiece was done. 

"I'm going first." I told Sirena.

"Go ahead." She replied.

I shimmied up the blindfolds and unhooked the window latch. I climbed through the window and looked at what Sirena was doing.

She was climbing up and was soon at the top.

"Help me through would you?" She asked me.

I pulled her through and stood up.

We ran too the side of the house and peered around it.

"Sir! sir! I found them! look!" I heard a eager voice from behind me.

"Well what are you waiting for Peter! Get them!" Another voice boomed.

Peter suddenly lunged at us but only got Sirena.

I quickly ran but was soon ambushed by two Police officers.

 I was Hauled into the back of a police van were I saw Sarina and Halithersis sitting there.

"Eww Kristen, what the hell is down your shirt?" Halithersis asked me with a scrunched up face.

"Sarina's llama shat on me." I replied.

"Oh my god Uncle Halithersis, It was crazy, This morning, Kristen and I had a idea to go and steal Rupert Grints llama, Alpaca. We took the llama and left him a Hawaiian shirt with a llama on it. we were going through the gates when his bodyguard saw us and started chasing us! We cut through the paddocks and the llama sat down! So we carried it by its legs, I had the front and Kristen had the back. Thats why I have slobber all over my head and face because it kept chewing my hair and drooling on my head. but the llama toook a shit on Kristen and it went down her shirt! She then lost her shoe in a pile on cow pattys. then we got here and yeah you know the rest." Sirena told her Uncle with a mad look in in her eye.

"That sound like fun!" Halithersis said.

"Yeah well now its not." I said in a grouchy manor.

"You're so pessimestic Kristen. Its all about the moment. Live for the moment. don't worry about the consequences." Halithersis told me.

Yeah I'll make sure to remember that one, because not thinking about the consequences is such a good idea! (Note sarcasm).

When we got to the holding cell the other people looked at me and Sirena with wonder.

"Why are they looking at us?" Sirena whispered to me in my ear.

I looked at her like she was a idiot. but she still didn't catch on.

"Because we are two fifteen year olds, one covered in shit and the other with drool all over her and a blad patch on the front of her head" I whispered back into her ear.

Yep this was going to be a long night.