The Taboo Topics

Trust me

My heart pounds as I watch you from my window. Your bright hair shimmers brightly in the sun, the wind ruffling the strands that fall against your face. A smile brightens your face, enhancing the pink tinge of your cheeks. Your hazel eyes sparkle with mirth as you reach over and smack your friend on the arm. At least, I assume he’s your friend; I can’t seem to move my eyes off of you long enough to recognize your companions. 

My hand reaches out and rests against the glass. It is cool to my touch, a contrast to the raging fever pounding through my veins. It is so warm in this room, yet I dare not remove my coat. If I do, I know my shivers of excitement would be evident to all who happened to glance my way. If I removed my warm outer layers, I know you’d just coerce me into putting them back on so you could drag me out into the cold winter air just to enjoy my company. At least, that’s what you’d say, and although you sound sincere, I can’t help but question your motives. 

Guard your heart, my mother always said, and guard it well. I’ve seen what happens to a defenseless heart; I was raised in the middleof the plague epidemic. I can’t allow that to become my life again. Yet, I’ve never been more tempted than I am now peal away the barbed wire. You tempt me with your soft spoken words, your sweet caress beneath the shadowy leaves of the sparse trees planted on the grounds. Your eyes smolder whenever they meet mine, and my heart threatens to jump out of my chest… these feelings should frighten me, and yet, I’ve never been more thrilled. 

I sigh, my warm breath forming a small cloud of mist on the frosty glass, obscuring your face from my vision. I rub the glass with the sleeve of my sweater, pulled up to cover the base of my palm. The movement must have caught your attention for when the glass is cleared, your eyes are on me. I suddenly feel restless. 

Your eyes are smoldering now, replacing the humor that once graced your face. The smile is gone; your lips are now flat, a serious expression contorting your face. Your friends have noticed your rapture; I can see their heads moving to look up from the corner of my eye. I pay them no heed for, once more, my eyes can see no one but yours. 

Hazel meets blue as our gazes battle for mastery. You try to convince me that it’s all right while I try to convince you that it’s not. I want to trust you, but I’m afraid to try. I blink and look away. I can’t allow you to break me down. 

Pulling my sweater closer together, I wrap my arms around my waist and turn away from the window. It grows harder every day to resist, and my heart is screaming with frustration. However, my brain can’t seem to let go of the images of my past, the screamed words from below stairs that woke me in the middle of the night, the pain… 

I’m not my mother; I’m stronger than her. Logically, I know this, but the walls have already been built. I can see the cracks you’ve put in them, slithering down the stone and leaving chunks missing where the cracks have collided. The plaster’s in my hand, though, and I’m struggling to rebuild what you’ve managed to destroy. 

Racing out of the room, eyes down, I make it three steps before my nose hits a soft wall. The air leaves my chest as I struggle to remain up-right. Before I have a chance to react, two strong arms reach around and envelope me, two hands rest low on my back. I grasp the arms with all the strength and fear I possess. Falling hurts; I don’t want to hurt anymore. 

“Emmeline,” a soft, familiar voice whispers above my head. I can feel his voice against my forehead, its warm traveling down to my toes. My entire body freezes, but my insides begin to quake. He is here. He is holding me in his arms. I’ve been here before, but this is different. This is entirely different. 

I slowly drag my eyes up to his, his eyes boring… seeing inside me. Did I expose more than I had intended? Fear overshadows the joy lurking in his still-smoldering eyes. My hands tighten on his arms, preparing to push away, when I feel his hands slowly move up my back. His arms trap me against his chest, preventing any retreat I may have attempted—if I’d been able to attempt it. My muscles were stiff with exhilaration and trepidation. I didn’t know what to expect, but I know what I hoped for— 

His lips came down on mine, crushing my mouth against his. His hands came up to cup my cheeks, his thumbs caressing my skin. My eyes close as my stomach ties into knots. I cannot breathe, think… react. I just feel, and it feels so good. 

The crumbling walls I have in place crumble beneath his onslaught. My guard has been called off. For this moment, my heart has full reign as my brain tries to catch up. My heart is in control, and it flies freely with it. 

What if… The ugly words ring inside of my head, ruining the moment. It has caught my heart, placed it back on its leash. It struggles for release, but my mind is too commanding. What if… 

“Fabian,” I whisper softly against his lips as I begin to pull away from him. Before I can another word out, he pulls me back, crushing his mouth against mine. The breath I have been holding leaves my throat in a gasp as I surrender yet again to his magic. 

“Trust me,” he says quietly against my lips. “Don’t think; just trust me.” 

Yes, I finally admit; yes…

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So this one isn't really awkward... but I wanted to write a cutesy one. So I did.