The Taboo Topics

It Started When She Was Fourteen

It started when she was fourteen.

Not yet at the full scale it would eventually blow out to be, but when she looked back she realized that this was when the seeds had started to be sowed within her mind.

Isabelle always considered herself well above such silly little things as cosmetics, hairspray and being thin. All that mattered was a sharp brain and a kind heart. She never understood why weight was so important. Why did girls put themselves through it all?

Unfortunately she underestimated how satisfying starvation could be or how twisted a brain can become.

It wasn't often she skipped meals. Although on these few occasions she had always experienced a surge of triumph from her self-control when she said, "No".

She didn't know where the rush of accomplishment came from and she never tried to delve deeper.

That night at dinner when she was fourteen, when she was protesting against underpayment, I guess you could say that's when it started, but its progress was very slow.

Before the ball, she'd wanted to look great so she began exercising in her room and eating slightly less.

She'd looked amazing as far as all the boys were concerned. She was a complete transformation.

Now, Isabelle wasn't a girly girl by any means. She didn't really care most of the time, but because she spent so much time sitting down with books, she decided it was in her best interest to exercise a little more.

Right after she tuned sixteen, that's when it really got bad. She'd gone on holiday and witnessed fat people laying on the beach one day and the next super thin models posing in front of palm trees.

Making a vow that she would never be unhealthily overweight, for the health of her body, it began.

She'd sat in awe at her friend Riley's house. His mother had prepared a feast to feed a gala. She watched Riley and her other friend Kyle stuff their mouths as they they'd never tasted food before. An unexplainable feeling of ill-ease tugged at the back of her mind. The feast was delicious, however and she savoured it along with everyone else.

The following day Kyle and her neighbour Rose began going out.

This had infuriated Isabelle to no end.

Rose was blonde (not that Isabelle had anything against blondes) but the fact remained that she was a tactless bimbo.

She was also skinny, slim as a model with small perky breasts. When Isabelle looked down she noticed just how large hers really had grown to be as she had matured.

Not that she cared about that sort of thing of course.

It was a Friday morning when her skirt wouldn't fit; she'd brushed the subject aside and assumed she'd just grown.

That day she overheard a classmate of hers in the girls bathroom stating that; "Isabelle could do to lose a bit of weight from that fat."

Unfortunately she'd left in such an angry huff that didn't catch the end of the sentence; "Isabelle could do to lose some weight from that fat head of hers."

The thing that really pushed her over the edge was Fred, the bane of her existence. She generally didn't care (or pretended not to care) what Fred said but it did hurt a little when it wasn't even said directly to her face.

His girlfriend had been clinging to him as they walked down the halls and Isabelle had heard snippet of conversation.

"You really are stupid sometimes."

"Oh, you'd like me to be smarter like Isabelle would you? Are you telling me you'd prefer a smart Isabelle over me?"

'What? Isabelle? No, way! She's a Bitch babe.'

'And she ugly and fat.'

'Of course darling...'

This had driven Isabelle crazy. Looks didn't matter did they? When she thought about it though she realised she wasn't very fit either.

Was she?

From that moment on she began going in a downward spiral. All the girls seemed just that bit smaller, just that bit flatter.

Isabelle had generally been fine with her image, but as she looked in the mirror she began to notice imperfections that her eye had never caught onto before.

Not that it mattered.

And she went on with life for a while.

A month later she went down to the shops to find Kyle and Rose making out particularly hard. She lost her appetite.

At lunch she studied her science homework and although she knew it wasn't a good idea, she skipped lunch.

At dinner as she reached for a steak, without warning her mind scolded her.

You know what? I'll just skip this one meal. I mean it won't do much harm to not eat for just one day. Will it?

She couldn't deny that she was hungry but for reasons unknown to even her she decided she'd test her willpower.

She skipped dinner.

When her parents and little sister asked what was up, she replied she wasn't hungry.

Surely she had enough fat in her body to give her enough energy to last one day without eating?

That night her little brother woke up screaming. Isabelle overslept in the morning because she had spent all night worrying about him; as a result she missed breakfast.

Again she spent lunch in the library. Once again dinner came around. Her stomach had begun to hurt.

It's most definitely time to eat, no doubt about it.

On the way into the hall Fred's girlfriend slipped past her smirking in a vile way.

'Better not eat any beef, bitch, you'll look even more like a fat cow, it's called cannibalism...'

She sat down and eyed the shepherd's pie in front of her.

I can't.

She felt upset about the whole thing and left lunch early without even touching her plate.

Am I really a fat cow? It doesn't matter does it?

It does. Compared to all the other petite girls, I'm just a big lumbering tub of lard.

And why the heck am I so worried about it?

She tossed and turned all night, barely able to sleep, her stomach had been growling loudly and she felt sleep almost impossible. When she woke up in the morning, she found that her brother looked just as tired.

Isabelle's stomach grumbled loudly as she sat down at breakfast, shooting pains were stabbing at her ribs and stomach.

Why was it that she was only feeling really hungry now? She thought that the pain would have kicked in much this bad much sooner.

She guessed that her body was OK with not eating because of all the fat hanging off of her bones. Her body had plenty to eat.

The pain became unbearable, but she just wanted to see how long she could last.

By lunch she was starting to feel extremely tired and very drained.

That lunch she happily tucked into a lovely meal of sandwiches and fruit.

There was no way she could fast again; it was unhealthy and painful.

She decided she'd lose weight by exercising to music and eating healthy.

And she did exactly that for a few months, thinking to herself:

I'll never do that again.