The 8 Second Ride

Will I Be Able To?

Last chapter brought me to tears.

I wake up with Jason sleeping in the chair next to my bed with our son sleeping in his arms. I smile and then everything that happened last night come rushing back. Tears start to fall again and I let out a quiet sob. Jason stirs a little and his eyes flutter open and he looks at me. He sees me crying comes closer kissing my forehead.

"Hey baby girl, come here." he sits next to me and hands me Trevor.

"He's gone Jason how am I supposed to go on?" I nuzzle my head into his shoulder.

"Your dad wanted you to be happy." Trevor squirms and lets out a small whine.

"I better feed Trevor, we don't want a fussy little boy for when your parents come to see him." Jason smiles and heads to the bathroom.

I pull down my gown and bring Trevor up to my chest so he can eat. Jason comes back in and sees me and Trevor. He smiles and sits on the bed next to me, putting his arm around me.

"How are the two loves of my life?" he whispers into my ear.

"He's great and I'm fine." I smile down at him.

After I finish feeding and changing Trevor, Jason calls his parents and they say they're on their way. About an hour later they walk into the room with Jo and smiles on their faces. They come over to the bed and look down at Trevor with love and adoration.

"He's is so precious. Looks just like you Jason. He's gonna have the attitude of his mother." Jason's mom says.

"Clare can we hold him?" Jason's dad quietly asks.

I nod and gently hand Trevor to Chris. All I can see is my father holding my son. I realize Trevor will never meet one of his grandfathers. I swallow the lump in my throat and hold back the tears that are welling up.

"Jason will you help me to the bathroom please?" I ask as I try to sit up more.

"Yeah hold on babe." he smiles at his mom and walks over to me.

Jason picks me up and walks me to the bathroom. We he sets me down inside the bathroom and walks out closing the door behind him. As soon as he shuts the door I break down and cry. Tears stream down my face and onto the counter. After what seems like forever some knocks on the door. 

"Clare, honey are you okay?" my mom asks while gently pushing the door open. I look at her and she knows exactly what's wrong.

"Oh honey come here." she pulls me into a hug and holds me tight.

Again I sit there forever wondering if I will ever be able to get over this. My dad was my rock, he was always there for me. The first time I rode a horse, it was with him. He bought me my first barrel horse, brought me to ride my first bull. He was my mentor, and most importantly my father.

"Mom how am I going to get over this? He was at every barrel race, every bump and scratch. I don't think I'll be able to barrel race again without him there with me. He always knew what to say when I had a bad run and was upset with how I did. I don't think I ever be able to ride a bull again. Mom nothing is going to go back to normal." I hold onto her tightly.

"Your dad wanted you to be happy. He didn't want you to cry over him. Remember he said he would be with you every step of the way. He would be watching up for you where ever you are." she looks me in the eye and nods.

"But why did he have to leave now. I wanted him to give me away at my wedding and watch his grandchildren grow up. He was supposed to be here for all of those things. He was supposed to teach his grandson to bull ride, be the coach no else could be. His little grand daughter was supposed to be his princess." I hug her tighter as another sob wracks my body.

"He will be there for your kids, he will teach them through his memories and stories. Jason will teach your children about him and so will you. Your children will be the best barrel racers and bull riders out there." she smoothed my hair back as she pulled back.

I nod and my sobs quiet down.

"Now lets go see my grandson, I want to start looking for a pony for him to ride around on and cause trouble." she says and it makes me laugh.

We walk out to the hospital room and I see Jason's mom holding and smiling at Trevor. I walk over to Jason and hug his side. He smiles down at me and kisses the top of my head. I lean my head against his chest and watch our parents with our son. I finally realize I'm ready to my family.