What We Deserve

Recovery Road

"Aw come on Julia, this is ridiculous. You've been in bed for three days straight, come on he ain't worth this, let's go out and have a good time!" Bells has been Julia's best friend for as long as she can remember. She was the typical hot blond popular cheerleader type, while Julia was anything but.
"Bella, I'm really not feeling too up to it, I really just want to cry."
"Jewls, you know I love you but this is getting ridiculous. The first week you said that and I stayed here and let you cry and ate ice cream with you. But it's been three weeks! He's not coming back! And it's torture to see you like this because you deserve so much better. So if you are going to stay like this and act as if you weren't enough for him then I'm sorry I can no longer watch you do this. You are worth so much more! He was a cunt! He wasn't enough for you!"
" I loved him!" The truth had come out, she loved him so much, and yet he easily did the one thing she never even thought for a second to do. He left. Reality had kicked in, and Julia knew it was the truth.
"I don't understand, how do you fall in love then simply walk away only to never look back? How could he just leave when he was in love?"

"Oh you poor little fool, you don't. You don't walk away from someone you fell in love with. You fall in love with passion with a fire that never burns out. You don't fall out of love. He didn't fall in love with you. "

The words acting as a dagger that broke her heart all over again. He didn't?

"No sweetheart, he may have been infatuated by you, maybe he even fell in love with the idea of you. But he didn't fall in love with you. For a person would never be contempt to bring such pain to someone they fell in love with. For falling in love simply changes you."

"It changes you" Julia repeated. It was only then did Julia realize that he wasn't worth it. So she cleaned herself up, and decided once and for all, she wasn't going to let him win. She was going to have a good night. For the first time in forever, she was going to enjoy herself not because of him, but because of herself.

So day by day, step by step, she tried to rebuild herself. She trained hard to be the dancer he never believed she could be, and she finally started to do things because she wanted to. She finally could smile again. But it wasn't always easy, there were occasions where she would find herself listening to their playlist, or randomly scrolling through his Instagram page. Just to see if he was hurting just as much as she was. He wasn't. All of his posts were either of his friends, or his career. His life without her seemed fantastic, he had completely let go of her. Eventually the need for him became less frequent, it was always there, but it was no longer taking over her thoughts.
"This is good" she thought, " I'm moving on from him" but you can never really move on from your first love can you? No matter what you want to believe.