Loved By You. (A Severus Snape Love Story)

Chapter Twenty-Two: Clingy Kitty

The next few days I didn't get to see Snape much except from in class or during my apprenticeship and even then he would be cold and ignore me most of the time, so I spent my nights cuddled, wearing his shirt in bed. Even though I had been the one wearing it for days, it stilled seemed to smell like him and it comforted me to have his scent around me.

Nox, who had been distant and quiet around me for weeks ever since I got her, crawled out of her bed and took to sleeping with me, nibbling on the edge of Severus' shirt. She purred and would lie there happily all day long had I not needed to remove her to go and get changed.
Often I would catch her scratching at my door trying to get out, but as she was just a kitten I tended to keep her in my room most days, besides she never seemed to like Draco anyway and it was easier for everyone to just keep her out of the way.
But now he was out of my life and I could let her roam about where she wanted.

At the end of the week I decided I was going to drop in on Severus' again, and this time I would let Nox follow me through the dungeons.
Excitedly the kitten rushed ahead, her four paws bounding all the way to his office, scratching eagerly at his door. Before I had barely reached his office myself I saw his door swing open, angrily.
"What are you doing here?" He snapped looking down at the feline, and his gaze didn't soften much when he saw me trailing behind.
"I wanted to come and see you." I smiled, picking Nox up as she was restlessly tried to push her way past Snape's legs but he refused to let her past.
"And you brought that?" He sneered, looking down at the ball of fur in my arms, but reluctantly opened the door to let me past.
"She likes you, Severus, she's constantly trying to escape from my room when she hears you down in the common room. Oh and I almost forgot, she's taken to sleeping in this." I said, thrusting his now wrinkled and creased shirt at him.
"She's not the only one it seems." He raised an eyebrow at me, but carefully folded the shirt and hung it over a chair for the house-elves to collect later. "I assume there is a reason you're here?" He asked, as we both took seats opposite each other, being separate by only a desk.
"Can't I come visit you, we've barely spoken since you threw me out at the start of the week." I moaned.
"Don't be so melodramatic, I had a student for detention, you couldn't very well stay sitting about in your underwear could you?"
"Well no, of course not, but you could have spoken to me during the week, you could have asked me to come and see you. I just feel like I'm intruding on you now."
"You are." He said completely deadpan and my face fell to his amusement, apparently. I looked up to see him smirking and laughing at me.
"What." I asked defensively.
"Relax, Of course I'm happy to see you." He smiled, leaning across the desk and taking my hand, softly massaging my fingers before retreating to his own side of the desk. "I don't want to risk sending an owl to you, not with Umbridge about, and I don't want anyone to suspect something if I continue to keep you behind after class."
"I know how you feel, I tried sticking up for you the other day and I was bombarded with a million and one questions. I guess I'm just going to keep bad-mouthing you behind your back and you're going to have to give me detention, I mean it's not as if they won't believe it."
"Do you do that a lot, talk about me when I'm not there." He wondered.
"What? Good things or bad?"
"Both."
"Well yeah, basically, I used to slag you non stop when I first came, of course that was out of pure spite. Now I only do it so people won't ask questions, but some of it is the truth. You can't expect me to praise you all the time can you?" I laughed.
"I don't think I've ever heard you praise me."
"Do I need to, I'm pretty confident you know how amazing you are yourself, you don't need me to tell you."
"And what if I did, would you do it?" He smirked, trying to push me further.
"Let me think." I chuckled, standing up from my seat and wondering around to him. "Where would I even start...? Severus Snape, the infamous dungeon bat." I joked. "Hogwarts most renown potions master, a great intellectual mind of today, how could I praise you? Well, there's no doubting you're smart but you're pompous about it and act like your better than everyone else so that's out. You're kind and incredibly caring, but I think I'm one of the only people on the planet who has seen that side of you." I went on as he chuckled again. I came right over to him and sat down on his knee, forcing his arm around me. "You are confident there's no question about that but maybe a little too intimidating sometime and you completely terrify the students up until third year, in some cases more." I observed.
"You have got to be the worst person ever at giving out compliments, you're terrible." Severus said.
"Finally." I smiled, pecking him lightly on the cheek. "You are without a doubt the most attractive man I have ever met, completely and utterly beautiful." I whispered sincerely, looking directly into his eyes, my hands hooked around his neck. "But the truth is, I really can't praise you because I know nothing about you worthy to comment on. There is nothing about you I know that could not easily be known by any other student in this school."
"Come off it, you know plenty, you have just proved it too me."
"Any one could have told you that, although they may have a different opinion on the last on though." I giggled.
"Clearly, because it's not true." He shrugged, his voice vacant of emotion.
"Don't you dare contradict my observation, it's completely true!" I argued. "Maybe not in the traditional sense but to me you are the most handsome man I've ever met, and no one will convince me other wise, not even you."
"Very well but your judgment must be impaired." He commented. I moved off his lap and back over to my seat, giving him some space. "Will I do you now?"
"No." I shook my head, letting my curls bounce upon my shoulders and cover my face. "You cannot have any proper opinion of me yet, just as I have none of you, because out side of these few months you know virtually nothing about me. Would you like to know everything about me?"
"I most certainly would." He nodded, leaning in for a kiss but was instantly stopped by my finger, pressing against his lips.
"Then I must know about you." I forced, making him reveal something about himself.
"What do you want to know?" He asked.
I thought about it for a moment, it was such a vast question I didn't quite know where to start, what would I ask?
"The girl, your friend who died, is she the only person you trust?" I asked, sad that he could not find it in himself to trust me.
"She was." He sighed sadly.
"And you loved her?" I asked, equally miserable.
"I did." He replied, his answer once again laconic.
"Do you still love her?" I questioned, depressed and saddened by every response he gave. This time he snapped his head up to look at me.
"Yes." That one word almost broke my heart. I was convince if I loved a man who seemed unlovable and unable to love I could not be hurt because there was no one to steal his heart, but sadly I was too late and his heart was already stolen and I could bet she was the reason he did not love. I felt a tear escape my eye and rush down my cheek, I wiped it away furiously, hoping he had not noticed.
"I will always love her, until I die, there will always be a part of me that holds onto her. I...I don't think I would still be here if I didn't love her. She saved me in so many ways."
"Did she love you?" I asked, convinced the next answer, no matter what it was, would hurt.
"No." He breathed. "She loved someone else, it wasn't meant to be."
"But how can you love someone this long, how can you still love her if she rejected you!" I shouted, getting angry now. "You should hate her for breaking your heart, She's a monster."
"No." He yelled back. " I cannot hate her, I will never hate her. Don't you dare speak about her that way. Don't ever talk about her like that. You have no right. You have no idea what happened."
"It doesn't matter. If she was ever your friend, If she ever cared about you she wouldn't have done this to you. She clearly broke you, how else would you be like this?"
"Get out." He whispered, not daring to look at me anymore.
I stood up, abruptly, the only noise left in the room was the screeching of my hair against the wooden floor. I looked down on him, but he refused to look at me. I was angry at him, but I wanted him to acknowledge me, to look at me when I walked out. But he didn't dare.
"Just one more question." I snapped. "What was her name?" Was my final question.
"Lily." He whispered. "Lily Evans." I had pushed him to far, he hated me now. I hated me now but none-the-less I couldn't stay here. I ran from his office, angrily storming out and slamming the door behind me, shaking it in it's frame.
I ran all the way to my common room and up to my dorm. I so badly wanted to cry, to let everything out but I was to angry to do even that.
An inhuman rage had filled me, and I wasn't even quite sure why! I just knew I was angry at Snape but even more angry at myself and there was no way to stop any of it.