You're Weird, I Like You • Frerard ✓

XLVIII

Graphic drug use.

*GERARD'S P.O.V*

I'm having a breakdown. I'm going to die.

Valentine's day fucking sucks ass. I sip vodka straight from the bottle, squeezing my eyes shut as it burns my throat. I look at the bottle, my vision already swimming. Who knows how long I have been down in my bedroom, drinking straight vodka, contemplating the bag of Mary Jane next to me.

I frown, feeling my cheeks dip. I go to take another sip but it's empty. I frown deeper, shaking the bottle upside down. Only droplets fall out and I groan. I lean back against my bed and roll my head to the side, looking at the numbers on the clock. It takes a while for the world to clear and I read it.

12:47 a.m.

"Ugh," I moan, rubbing my eyes. There's an ache. Everywhere. Guilt flooding my thoughts, running through my veins, making me feel numb.

There is something poetic about it.

"'Tupid Fwank, 'tupid n-nonna." Rubbing my hands over my face, I complain. "Hate you!"

I scowl down at the empty bottle. Nothing left and abandon. I needed to be numb. I needed to feel nothing. I look over at the ganja, picking up the small baggy. Not enough to make me feel what I need. Fuck. In frustration, I throw the bag. It doesn't go far but far enough from me.

I lie there for a second. Why did I have to be so fucked up? Why couldn't love people. I am one of the biggest fucking pussies in the world. Nonna would have been so disappointed.

Would have. She's gone.

Gerard needs something. A strong something. He racks his brain for something, anything and his face breaks into a big, drunk smile. He crawls over to his bedside drawer. I pull out the baggy of white powder, making my mouth water.

I've never tried cocaine, nor did I really want to. But I was wasted and I didn't give a fuck. I just hurt and I needed the ache to stop. I had scored it after my grandmother had died, just in case I needed it. The dealer who gave me my weed said this was stronger and gives you energy. I needed a hit.

I wasn't very familiar how to use it but I knew the basic. I use one of my textbooks and wipe down the cover. I open the ziplock bag and poor out the coke. In my drunken state, I make wobbly lines. I look around, eyes landing on the McDonald's cup on my desk. I stand up, giving myself a head rush, and stumble over to the desk. I pull out the straw and pat around for scissors. When I find them, I cut the straw in have, squealing when I slice my finger. I suck on the end of it, falling to my knees and crawling back over to the line.

I place myself in front of the textbook, staring down at the line.

"Only one 'r two." I mumble to myself as my vision cuts in and out. I bring the straw down to the front of the snow white powder. My fingers shake and I feel something other than guilt.

Fear.

I'm scared to do cocaine, I'm scared to love Frank, I'm scared to let my love ones die. I'm scared to move on.

I'm scared.

I feel my lip tremble. "Dun cry, Gee." I feel my eyes water. "Dun..." By then, I'm already sobbing. I put my face in my hands, crying my heart out. I need my nonna, I needed Frank, I needed Bert, I needed Penelope.

By the time I calm myself down enough to wipe my eyes and runny nose, I just want to be numb. I'm ready. I wipe my nose on my sleeve, making it dry. I plug one side of my nose and bring the straw down to the cocaine.

Frank would be so disappointed.

I snort the line and once I feel nothing up the straw anymore, I throw it to the side.

My nose was on fire. I scratched viciously at my nose and feel tears rim my eyes again. My nose was itchy, a burning sensation bubbling up my sinuses. I wrinkle my nose again until the burning fades.

I feel no difference for a couple of second and then a warmth feeling overcomes me.

"Gahh," I moan out, with a big, fucked up smile on my face. Sudden energy bursts in my chest, a soft burning flooding my veins. My vision was delightfully blurry and my head was beautifully cloudy. My muscles are numb and the ache has dulled. This was better than pot.

One hit and I was fucking done.

I was in and out of my senses, noticing a couple of things as I lied on the floor for a half an hour.

I was drunk, fucked up and horny.

I palm myself through my jeans until I see my phone light up from the other side of the room. I don't remember moving but I was in front of my phone.

I look down at the text message, taking a second to read it. I smirk.

.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.

I thrust in with no mercy, earning a moan. I did pay attention to the sounds being emitted around the room.

The room is hot, too hot. But it's a good feeling. It's like anything I was feeling was being melted away, dripping off my body like sweat.

I grab the thin hips too hard, they squeal. I plunge my nails deep into the skin, leaving scratches as they roll their hips. I grunt, thrusting in sloppily and drunkenly.

I'm in and out of my senses. It's surreal when I feel a hand on my chest, bring me closer. I pick them up, trying to get a better angle for myself. I couldn't give less of a bigger shit if I was pleasuring the other person, this was about me. I needed to feel, but I need to be numb.

Hair tickles my face, so I grab it and pull their head back. They groan and shake, coming all over me.

If I wasn't so messed up, I would've been grossed.

I was out of my senses when I come, a faint feeling of bliss in the distance.

.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.+*+.

I wake up feeling vomit in my mouth, I jump off the bed and empty my stomach continents into the waste bin in my room. I fall on my knees and groan, rubbing my head. There's a dull pain just above my eye. I gagged again and threw up in the waste bin.

"That's hot," someone snorts. I look behind me, most likely looking like shit. Eyes blown, pale skin, zombie rings around my eyes.

Melina hops out of bed, only wearing a pair of lacy, pink underwear. There's scratches on her leg and bruising on her hips. Purple and blue sprawled on her stomach as she leans down, picking up one of my large band shirts. She throws it on without a bra and she pulls on a pair of navy skinny jeans. She notices me staring.

Melina smirks, wiggling her ass at me. "What?" He questions, looking totally innocent now. "You wanna eat me again?"

I remember everything from the night before. The cocaine, the sex, the numbness. I look at her horrified. I cheated on Frank. Oh, God, I slept with Melina, Frank's worst enemy.

I am a cheater and a user.

My mind is spinning and it hurts even more, I groan loudly. I rub my hands over my face, feeling my eyes glaze over.

"You want some aspirin?" Melina asks, holding the half empty bottle I kept beside my bed. I nod and catch it, the fast motion making the room spin. My stomach heaves again, but I just spit in the bin. I dry swallow the pills and look over at Melina, who looks pleasantly smug.

I shake my head, running my fingers through my hair. Melina grabs her bag and reapplies her lipgloss. She puckers her lips. I meet her eyes, frowning. "Please don't tell Frank."

Melina just smirks and makes her way out of the bedroom.