Safe

chapter 27

Chapter 27

Harry's POV

I'm such a fucking screw up. Why did I even yell at her. She was just scared and I have given her every right to be. Especially after yelling at her. She even told me that was one of the problems, and here I am fucking shit up trying to prove my goddamned point to her.

I didn't even show emotion yelling at her. I just wanted to get her out of my sight before I say something I really regret. But I ended saying the one thing I shouldn't have. I should have never mentioned her problems going through her head. Shit, I know them almost as much as her. If she just would have shut the fuck up and listened to me, none of this would be happening and I could be holding her in my arms.

But I can't blame her. I've given her so many chances to doubt me. I lost myself in front of her. She was scared of me, and what I could do. She was scared I'd end up exactly like Vince. I know I would never turn into something like him. I had the temper, even worse than him, but Rae, or any girl would never be my punching bag. Vince was scum, he hit women, and abused them, and I let him for so many years never saying anything. I watched Jocelyn go through that pain, day by day. I couldn't even blame Jocelyn for being concerned about her well being. She just doesn't want to see someone end up like she did. It was all my fault, the yelling, the gripping, my goddamned temper.

When she brought everything I had done to her up, all I noticed were her eyes. She was completely scared of me and my temper. I just wanted to hold her and make everything okay, but I was the one making her like that. Watching her lips quiver as if I told her I didn't want to see her again. Hell, I practically did say that.

I wanted to see her face again, but not the face I kept imagining after I yelled at her. Her tear-filled face, broken and afraid eyes. That image haunted me everywhere I looked. Her fragile frame being pulled away from me by the only person to comfort her. She didn't even look back. Why would she? My words almost acted as if I hit her.

I can't fix this.

I kicked my bed in frustration with everything I had. I didn't even feel my foot collide with the bed, I was numb. I was about to throw my fist to the concrete wall when someone called my name.

"Styles." I knew it was an officer without even lifting my head.

"What the hell do you want?" I spit.

"Don't break anything, or do anything that I'll have to report against you. Which will only make your sentence harder for you." The lady officer told me.

"I don't give a fuck." I said leaning my forearms on the wall.

"If you truly want to fix what just happened between you and that girl, you will "give a fuck", and fight your damned hardest to win this, and get her back." She told me sternly, not putting up with my bullshit.

"Did you not just see what I had done to her?" I asked.

"Yes I did, but you should have more faith in her. She's hurt, but she'll be back. There was more to her eyes than what you saw." She told me, almost as if he was reading my mind as I vented to myself.

No, the only thing more to her eyes was hatred. I knew she hated me after I told her hoe messed up her shitty head was. I used the one thing she has only ever told me about against her. I was the only one she had let into her thoughts. She trusted me with everything, and now I've just ruined the one thing she thought was safe with me. After listening for counting hours and comforting her on the ones that were hardest for her, telling her it's a normal feeling, and then telling her they were all messed up and complete shit, I couldn't have gone lower. I might as well have added her mother to the mix as well.

"You don't know that." I gritted.

"Look, I'm just trying to help. Stop being a jerk and fight for her. I don't have to know there was more to her eyes, but don't give up on her, she's a lovely girl."

This lady was telling me what I already knew. Making me feel even worse about it. If that was possible to even do. Her little speech is getting on my last nerve.

"You have quite a temper." She commented after a few minutes.

I sighed and laid down on the hard bed I was provided with.

"You don't think I don't know that?" I rolled my eyes.

This women is really getting annoying. If I wanted a therapist, I would've called one. Not go to a fifty year old officer, sent to watch me.

"You should learn to control your temper, it might just be the deal breaker."

"Listen lady, I'm not in the mood to talk." I huffed, rubbing my eyes.

"Not even to your own brother?" Will exaggeratedly gasped.

Great more company for me to yell at.

"What do you want?" I groaned, rolling over to my stomach.

"Came to see my favourite brother!"

"I'm you're only brother." I commented.

"Exactly. But if Rae were a boy, I think she'd have your spot taken." He winked.

Yes, lets bring up the one thing I do not want to talk about. I wanted to gut my heart out the moment he said her name. It's like every person in a twenty metre radius was out to make me bang my head against the fucking wall.

"Lets not talk about Rae?" I asked.

"What did you do?" He asked, anger growing.

"I said some things, okay?"

"Why do always have to ruin everything good for you? Rae was the one shot you had having someone care about you the way everyone should. She saw everything good in you and you mess it up. When will you ever learn to treat someone with some respect? Especially Rae. God, she has been nothing but good to you. Why did you have to screw up the only girl who has given you a real chance?" He nearly shouted.

Why do I always fuck everything up? Maybe because I have never felt the way I for Rae before. I'm surprised my family hasn't given up on me. I'm the one with the shitty mess up mind. Rae has been so good to me, she has been more than I could ask. She's so open minded and not judgmental when it comes to me, and I've been shit. I care so much for her. Rae has given me so much hope that someone could eventually love me. And I could give my love to someone other than my family. I know we're a long way from that, but she gives me hope. Something I haven't felt before her.

"I don't know.." I whispered.

"You better start knowing, I've already considered her family, and I'm not losing her because of your stupid mistakes."

He was right, I'm so utterly and completely stupid. My family can even see that she's special and yet I do everything in my unintentional power to push her away.

"Can you bring her back here?" I whispered covering my face with my pillow.

"She's probably halfway hom-"

"Please." I cut him off with my weak voice.

He nodded, and talked to the lady officer watching me. Great, he's leaving me alone with the therapist old lady. If she says anything about me sounding like a pussy, I might just scream out all my problems until I fucking feel better.

No, I need to control my anger. This is what started this whole thing. I need to breathe, and think about what I'm going to say, instead of yelling the first thing that comes to mind.

Do it for her.

***

Rae's POV

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jocelyn asked me for what seemed to be the millionth time.

"Yes, please just go. I want to be alone." I told her as nicely as I could.

Jocelyn simply nodded and rubbed my shoulder sympathetically. I watched her leave my house with her sad smile. She was the reason this all happened. But I couldn't put my anger towards her. Her awareness for Harry and I showed me how he really is, and always will be. She didn't make him lose his temper or yell at me until his heart was content. It was all him.

I ventured my way upstairs to my room. My usual area for me to let all emotions out and feel good about it at the same time.

I heaved my pillows across my room, knocking down any objects in its path. I felt so numb against my impulsive behaviour. Maybe Harry was right. I am messed up in my head. I should've made sure I was mentally prepared myself before going into a relationship with someone like Harry.

That's the funny thing about him. He's a deceiving jerk, but he masks himself for who he truly is by being something he's not. All our long talks, and intimate cuddles were nothing but a game to him. When he held me close and brought chills to my body, bringing my nerve endings to life, I thought we both of felt it. I thought we had both felt sparks. I guess my mind was too clouded by Harry himself for me to tell what was real or just an act.

I thought I was safe with him.

I threw my body onto my bed, screaming into the sheets frustrated. "I'm so stupid." I thought to myself. For gods sake, my dad is a lawyer. How could I have not told he was lying straight to my face? That he had to have been an actor at one point in his life? Because I was blinded all the caring words that were admitted from his mouth that I thought were true.

Maybe this fight turned out for the best. He doesn't have this 'shitty messed up' girl to hold him back anymore, and I don't have to go behind my dads back. I won't have to lie to him, and I won't have to deal with Harry's lies again. I can find someone else who cares for me and not be so judgemental of me. Someone that doesn't have a criminal record and hasn't killed someone. The polar opposite of Harry. Yes, anyone that isn't like him.

Except, with all his mind games, I truly liked that side of him. I don't think I'll ever be able to replace the way he makes me feel. The way my body fits perfectly to his, or the feeling I get when he placed soft, barely-there kisses gently over my face. How he would hold my hand just because he liked how soft they were. Even the butterflies I get when he makes sexual remarks. I secretly loved them. His soft hair, and the dimples that show when smiles. His sly smirk when he gets suggestive. I love it all, and I don't think I could ever replace what could have been.

I was over thinking this. Harry and I were only a thing, it wasn't going to last. I can move on without him. He was my first of anything, it was a fling of some sort. I was just new to the boyfriend thing, I thought he was the best I could have, when really he was only my first boyfriend, and sometimes your first doesn't mean it will be your last.

I spent three hours of convincing myself I don't want to see him anymore. When I looked at my clock I saw it was just before dinner time, and my dad wasn't home. I decided to make my own quick dinner, and let my dad fend for himself whenever he gets home. I poured myself a shot of vodka my dad had laying around. I didn't need it, but it will calm me down.

Two hours later, food gone and half a bottle of vodka downed, I'm hammered. Who knew alcohol could make you feel so good? Maybe I'm a happy drunk, because right now all I want to do is laugh at everything. I'm no longer upset or mad. I just feel happy and it's great. Everything feels better.

I must have drank an awful lot because I'm starting so hear a pounding sound in the back of my head, and a muffled voice call my name. I ignore it, knowing the intoxicating liquid is getting to me. I throw my head bringing the nozzle of the bottle with me, trying to down the last few cups I have left it. I feel the liquid burn my throat but I don't care enough to stop. I went to take one more gulp when I felt it being ripped from my hands.

"Hey...that was mine.." I whine to whoever took the bottle from me.

"What the hell are you doing?" The person asked.

"Drinking. What does it look like?" I roll my eyes, still keeping my attention away from the figure behind me.

When I reach for the bottle again, my hand is gently grabbed and pushed back to side. I huff in response and watch the man take a seat next to me. I still can't figure out his face, my vision is too blurred.

"Rae, why are you drinking?" He asks.

"Wait who are you?" I ask.

"It's me, Will. Now please tell me why you're drinking." He patiently asks me again.

It doesn't bother me that Will is here in the slightest. He isn't anything like his brother. Oh. That's why I'm drinking. I'm drowning out my hurt because of him.

"Ask your idiot brother."

I hear him mumble to himself. And watch him shake his head. I was about to ask what was wrong, when I feel his strong arms underneath me, lifting me up to his chest. He grabbed his coat, and threw it on top of me, bringing me out to his car. I was placed in his passenger seat, before I had time to protest. He buckled me, and head over to his side. His loud engine roared to life as he sped down the road.

"Will, I'm tired.." I whined after what felt to be like two days in his car.

"We're almost there."

"Why couldn't you have just put me to bed like any other helpful friend would've done?" I huffed.

"Because someone needs to see what happens when their actions have a reaction."

I had no idea what Will was babbling on about. When I looked out the the widescreen, I saw many familiar buildings, but I was starting to drift asleep from the tiredness the alcohol was causing me. And before I knew it, my eyes were shut.

I jointed back awake when the radio came on full blast. I nearly jumped out of my seat from my eardrums being blown out.

"You're such an arse, Will!" I shouted.

"But you love me." He smiled.

"I don't even know how."

"I'm the greatest person on this planet, you should consider yourself lucky to be graced with my presence." He smirked to me.

"Yeah, yeah. How much longer?" I asked.

"We're actually.....here." Will told me pulling into an all to familiar car park.

I didn't need to be here. I didn't want to be here. I could've gone the rest of my life being away from him. But Will just had to help is little brother. I don't even know what to do or say. Who am I kidding? I couldn't have avoided Harry if I tried. There will always a constant reminder of him, that is Will Styles. It's scary how much in comparison they look alike.

"I'm not getting out of this car, I have nothing to say to him." I gritted through my teeth, as Will waited outside my open car door.

"Sure you do."

"Fine, I do have something to say to him. Not something nice that is." I crossed my arms.

Just then, Will grabbed me out of his car again. When will this stop? I don't think he understands I get sick easily. Especially now that I have had a lot of alcohol in my system.

"You're feisty when you're drunk." He commented.

"No, I was happy until you came and took my bottle away from me." I pouted.

He chuckled at my childish before letting me down in front of some doors.

"Aren't visiting hours over?" I hopefully asked.

"Yeah, but I have a few friends." He smirked.

"When don't you have helpful friends?" I rolled my eyes.

Will ignored my comment and knocked on the door in front of us. A women officer about fifty appeared moments later. Her tag labelling 'Mrs Wilde'. She greeted us with a warm smiled and brought us back to where Harry was.

I did my best to stop myself from looking like I had almost drank a whole bottle of vodka, but my swaying and constant spinning of the room suggested otherwise.

I tripped over my own two walking into the room, but luckily Will had great reflexes. I mumbled thank you, and walked behind him, away from Harry's sight. I let him talk. Although I could've yelled at him like he had, I thought it would be best if I sobered myself up a bit before saying anything, and so far, I am still very much drunk.

"Thank you so muc-" Harry started.

"Have you seen her, Harry? She's completely shit-faced because of you. If I didn't show up she would've drank the whole bottle! She's already had most of it, and she can't even walk straight! Did you even think of what yelling at her could do to her? What if her dad had came home? What if she wanted to drive? What if-"

"I get it, Will!" Harry cut him off.

"I don't think you have, Harry. Look at her."

Will pulled me out in front of him. Holding me close to his chest, as he towered above me. When I looked up, I saw him yelling, but I couldn't hear anything. My senses were demolished except for my sight. When I peered over to Harry, he was leaning against the bars, as his sympathetic eyes watched my every move. His green eyes growing sadder as Will continued on. One look at me, and he brought my body to life. I didn't feel intoxicated anymore.

"The one good you have ever had is falling through your hands!" Will shouted.

"Please stop." I pleaded.

Will nodded and pulled me into a hug, which I gratefully took. I breathed in before turning towards Harry.

"Why did you have to led me on?" I asked, feeling tears come to my eyes.

"No, no I didn't! Rae, it was all real, I wanted to know. I didn't mean to yell at you. I was just so angry and it got the better of me. Please, Rae."

"Will anger always get the better of you? I don't... I don't want to be there when it does, Harry. I don't want to see that person you become. I can't do it." I let a tear fall.

"Please don't cry. You know you'll never be my target. Please you have to give me another chance, it won't happen again. I swear."

"You said that before, and look what happened." I mumbled as I brushed my finger tips over my wrist.

"Come here." Harry softly demanded.

I hesitated for a moment, debating on whether to go near him or not. Maybe it was the last bit of alcohol that was giving me my courage to move towards him.

"You will never be subject to that side of me again. I will fight everything in me to contain myself, and I know I'll be able to do it. I'll just think of how I felt when you left here. I was heartbroken, and so upset. I never want to feel like that again. I'll do anything to get you back. Please, Rae." He pleaded, holding onto my hands.

"I-"

"Please."

He begged with such sorrow, such guilt, that I couldn't say no. I knew he would be true to his word. He knew I didn't want to see that side again, and he promised. That promise will either make or break us.

"Okay." I gave a small smile.

I felt him pull gently onto my arms, pulling towards him, where my lips were captured by his. I squeezed his arm telling him to continue. He struggled to fight his hand trough the bar to cup my cheek, but he managed it.

"I'm going to lose my job for this, but I can't help it." I heard the lady, Mrs Wilde say.

When we broke apart I saw Mrs Wilde grabbing a set of keys for her belt, and unlocking Harry's door. Without any hesitation, Harry came bolting out of the cell and picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and held him tight. Kissing me with so much passion and truth, I melted in his arms. When his hand moved to my cheek, I felt my body reive again. Electricity ran through my body.

"I won't mess this up." He whispered against my lips.









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