Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View

Attraction

Rose stood no more than 3 feet in front of me, dressed in jeans and little else. Her shirt was tossed aside casually on the couch, but I barely saw it. My eyes were focused on her. Her hair was loose and slightly disheveled as it hung down her back. Her face was flushed, partly because of her previous activity and partly in reaction to me storming in unannounced. It must have shocked her enough to keep her still because she made no move to cover herself. Her black bra was a sharp contrast to the naturally tan skin of her stomach, her shoulders, and even her breasts. All were exposed to me and all seemed to hold me transfixed.
She wasn't the only one who was shocked. While I had expected to see her here when I walked in, I wasn't expecting to see her like this. Without realizing it, my eyes traced the gentle curve of her hips, her waist, her chest, and her neck before finally settling on her face again. Her eyes were darker than I remembered, still dilated from her tryst as well as the low light of the room. Her lips also showed signs of the rendezvous, red and swollen. They were slightly parted, breathing heavily as if still trying to catch her breath. Oddly, instead of becoming gradually more even, she seemed to become more breathless as I stared at her. Her cheek tinting with blush as our eyes met again and we simply stared at each other, frozen in our mutual daze.
I felt myself reacting physically. My heartbeat increased, my breathing started to match her own and my body screamed out with the desire to feel her skin against me. I could even feel myself swelling and becoming uncomfortable within the confines underneath my belt. She was amazingly beautiful, and I was becoming turned on simply by looking at her. Turned on by my seventeen year old student, I realized. Quickly, I looked away.
"You see something you like?" Her voice was saturated with false bravado, covering up her own embarrassment. It still hit way too close to home as I tried to focus on anything but her.
"Get dressed."
Within moments, I had regained control of myself. Both my wandering mind and traitorous body. Get it together, Dimitri! What the hell is wrong with you! I could blame my lack of recent female companionship all I wanted, but it was still no excuse to gawk at my underage student.
"How'd you find me? Are you following me to make sure I don't run away?"
"Be quite," I snapped. Okay, so I hadn't gained full control of myself yet. I was directing the anger at myself back towards her. Still, she was in trouble because of her own actions with Jesse, so perhaps it wasn't that bad.
I leaned down, trusting myself just enough to face her at eye level. "A janitor saw you and reported it. Do you know how stupid this was?"
"I know, I know. The whole probation thing, right?"
"Not just that." I wish that was the only issue here. "I'm talking about the stupidity of getting into that kind of situation in the first place." I gestured to the couch beside us. It was one thing to simply be caught with someone in a compromising position, but the idea of him biting her took things to a whole new level.
"I get in that kind of situation all the time, Comrade." Oh God, I hope not. I knew that her pre-run record had more than a few citations for being caught after curfew, but they never went into further details. I did hear some of the rumors about her though, and they went into plenty of details. I had hoped they were just rumors; out right lies or at the very least, exaggerations of the truth. The idea of any of these boys taking advantage of her like that (no matter how willing she was) made my stomach turn and my blood boil. "It's not a big deal." She finished.
Her attitude was anything but comforting. And I hated that nickname she kept using. This wasn't a time to joke. "Stop calling me that. You don't even know what you're talking about."
"Sure I do. I had to do a report on Russia and the R.S.S.R. last year." Her smug look almost made me laugh at the mistake, but it was enough to break the tension a bit so we could get back on track.
"U.S.S.R" I corrected, "And it is a big deal for a Moroi to be with a dhampir girl. They like to brag." I remembered a few of my female classmates and colleagues who had lost some of their reputation because of a loose-lipped and lying Moroi.
"So?"
"So?" I was shocked, disgusted, and extremely agitated by her careless attitude towards this. "So don't you have any respect? Think about Lissa. You make yourself look cheap. You live up to what a lot of people already think about dhampir girls, and it reflects back on her. And me." I was trying to keep calm as I spoke to her, but I could feel my blood pressure rising.
Rose simply rolled her eyes. "Oh, I see. Is this what this is all about? Am I hurting your big, bad male pride? Are you afraid I'll ruin your reputation?"
"My reputation is already made, Rose." I had finally snapped, and her attitude went from sarcastic to scared as I towered over her, eyes blazing. "I set my standards and lived up to them long ago. What you do with yours remains to be seen. Now get back to your room – if you can manage it without throwing yourself at someone else."
"Is that your subtle way of calling me a slut?"
At this point we were feeding off the emotions of one another and I spoke without thinking. "I hear the stories you guys tell. I've heard the stories about you."
We were inches apart at this point, both breathing heavy with fury as we stared the other down. Suddenly, her eyes went wide and I realized what I had just said to her. I had lost the facade of my professional mentor roll (though one could argue that it never actually came with me into this lounge) and I had made this personal. I had let my temper get the best of me. It would be one thing if I had calmly scolded her and doled out a punishment. Instead, we argued and I had yelled insults at her until she was at the breaking point. What I said had hurt her, deeply. The only thing that made it worse was that just for a moment, that had been my intent. To hurt her, to break her, and I had done just that.
I frantically struggled to find some way to apologize for my outburst as I watched her eyes rim with tears. She stepped back and sat on the couch beside us, putting her face in her hands to hide her crumbling composure. "Why is it wrong to...I don't know, have fun?" Her muffled words became more defined as she looked up at me, almost pleading. "I'm seventeen, you know? I should be able to enjoy it."
I sighed as I sat beside her on the couch. I was careful to keep some distance between us; close enough to hopefully provide some comfort, but far enough to keep us from touching anywhere. Part of me wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her close. I knew she was feeling vulnerable, and to be honest, so was I. My thoughts turned to my final years at the academy when I struggled to balance my impending career and the last of my youthful freedom. Sometimes I wished I had spent more time enjoying life back then, spending more time with my friends and family. Other times, I wish I had been that much more dedicated to my training. Perhaps it would have changed things for me ...for Ivan.
"You're seventeen, and in less than a year, someone's life and death will be in your hands. If you were human or Moroi, you could have fun. You could do things other girls could."
"But you're saying I can't." Her voice was calm, like she understood what I was saying even if she didn't quite accept it yet. Her eyes were so sad though. I knew she had wanted me to say something –anything – else. I felt the momentary desire to reach out and take her hand, to tell her how I wished things could be different. Instead I looked away.
"When I was seventeen, I met Ivan Zeklos." I still remembered that moment and wondered again how two people who seemed so different, could become so close in such a short amount of time. I continued, "We weren't like you and Lissa, but we became friends, and he requested me as his guardian when I graduated. I was the top student in my school. I paid attention to everything in my classes, but in the end it wasn't enough." I could almost smell the blood, the death. "That's how it is in this life. One slip, one distraction..." I closed my eyes and tried to focus on where I was right now, not that nightmare, "and it's too late."
We both sat silent for what felt like hours. We glanced at the floor, our hands, anywhere but each other. We were both lost in our own thoughts. When Rose broke the silence, I almost jumped. "Jesse's a Zeklos."
"I know."
"Does it bother you? Does he remind you of Ivan?"
The two boys shared some similarities. They had similar hair and eye color. They were about the same height and build. They were both extremely popular on campus and had enough charm to get their way if they wanted to. But that is where the likeness ended. Ivan held himself with confidence, not cockiness. He was hard working and studious, like I was. However he also knew how to have fun (within reason and without breaking the rules too much) and had pulled me from my own shell on more than one occasion. Despite the fact that he could probably have any girl he wanted on campus, he preferred relationships to one night stands. He was a good guy, who seemed to make the people around him better simply by being there. I missed him. But he was gone. And part of that was my fault.
"It doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't matter how any of us feel." They come first.
"But it does bother you." It wasn't a question this time. Her tone was certain, and that was enough to pull me out of my memories. "You hurt. Every day. Don't you? You miss him."
I had that strange feeling like she was looking though me again, seeing things that I hid from everyone else and even those things I tried to hide from myself. It surprised me that she could read me so clearly, as if I was a book written in a language that only she could translate. Part of me was somewhat uncomfortable because I felt like I couldn't hide from her. On the other hand, it was also a bit comforting because she made me feel like I didn't need to. She understood me and accepted me. For a moment, she wasn't the immature and vulnerable teenager that I had saved from expulsion. For just a moment, I saw her as the strong, compassionate angel from my dream. I blinked the vision away.
"It doesn't matter how I feel," I asserted. "They come first. Protecting them."
She looked like she was far away, perhaps thinking about Vasilisa. "Yeah. They do." She absentmindedly nodded her head in agreement as she bit her lip.
Quiet fell over us again as we sat alone in the lounge. I knew I should apologize for how I handled things earlier. Quite honestly though, I still didn't understand why I had gotten that upset. Why I had taken things so personally. It wasn't as if she had done or said anything to offend me directly. She had made a stupid mistake and disobeyed the terms of her probation, putting her enrollment here at risk. It was upsetting, but my response was hardly inline with her actions. Especially since many people, including myself, were half expecting her to do something along these lines eventually. If I couldn't understand why I had been so enraged as to disrespect her and tear her down emotionally, how could I apologize and explain myself to her. No. The best thing I could do now was to pick up the pieces around us and move on. I could start being the mentor she needed and deserved. To trust her, to invest in her, to believe in her.
"You told me you want to fight, to really fight. Is that still true?"
"Yes. Absolutely." While she sounded like it was the most obvious thing in the world, her face held an odd combination of hope and confusion.
"Rose...I can teach you, but I have to believe you're dedicated. Really dedicated. I can't have you distracted by things like this," I gestured around the room before capturing her focus again. "Can I trust you?" I was laying it all on the line here and I hoped she understood the weight of what I was asking.
To my pleasant surprise, she didn't give an automatic reaction response. She stilled for a moment, seeming to grow in confidence and determination before my eyes. "Yes. I promise."
I smiled completely. It wasn't something I did often, but I knew she meant what she said and that I could trust her to do what was needed. It made me proud. "Alright. I'll teach you, but I need you strong. I know you hate the running, but it really is necessary. You have no idea what Strigoi are like. The school tries to prepare you, but until you've seen how strong they are and how fast...well, you have no idea." I didn't want to think about the all too high percentage of guardians who don't survive their first Strigoi encounter. I couldn't let her become part of those statistics. "I can't stop the running and conditioning. If you want to learn more about fighting, we need to add more trainings. It'll take up more of your time. You won't have much left for your homework or anything else. You'll be tired. A lot." Honestly, we were already putting in a significant amount of time and between her classes and my guardian schedule, I still wasn't sure if we would have enough time to accomplish what we both wanted to. Still, I felt like I owed it to her, so we would do our best. If nothing else, it would help keep her out of trouble.
She only thought a moment longer before replying. "It doesn't matter. If you tell me to do it, I'll do it."
I wasn't sure what surprised me more: the fact that I was trusting her, or the fact that she was trusting me. It wasn't in either of our nature to do so, but trust was a part of being a guardian, especially in a partnership like we could expect after Lissa's graduation. I gave her a quick, approving nod. "We'll start tomorrow."