Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View

Trust And Freindship

I practically had to pin Rose down to keep her from running out the door. Broken ankle or not, she had just taken a serious fall and I didn't want to risk further injury. Thankfully, Dr. Olendzki was on my side.
"But she's in danger!" Rose made another break for the door and I held her against the wall. She was frantically struggling against me and I had to stand right in front of her to keep her attention. I knew she was serious, but I needed to keep her as calm as possible.
"Then tell me where she is. Trust me, Rose. I'll find her." I tried to keep my voice even, but I could already feel the adrenalin pumping though my veins, urging me to move, even without a known destination.
She stilled for a moment, staring at me. Just one look and I knew I had her trust. But as her eyes flickered over to the doctor, it seemed like I might be the only one who did. I held her gaze, silently pleading, before I felt her desire to keep fighting me leave. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, "Chapel attic...hurry."
I was already running out the door and towards the chapel grounds by the time I heard Rose sink to the floor. A small part of me wanted to turn around and comfort her, but I couldn't. I had promised her that I would find Lissa. I couldn't break that promise. But that wasn't the only reason, it shouldn't even be the primary reason. No, the real reason I needed to put Princess Vasilisa first was because she was my charge. It was my job to be there for her and protect her above all else. And once again, I had failed in that.
I pulled my cell phone from my pocket without slowing my pace. I didn't know what awaited me when I arrived, and decided that back up may be needed. I almost automatically called the school's Guardian Office to put out a page for the nearest on duty guardian, but hesitated when I remembered the look that Rose had given the doctor. She was resistant to giving this information freely. I wanted to respect that, but I couldn't compromise mine or Lissa's safety to do so.
Who does she trust? I thought as I ran, the quick footfalls pounding out a steady rhythm. Suddenly, a name came to mind. She could very well be the only other staff member on this campus that Rose trusted.
True to form, the phone was answered before the second ring. "Petrov."
"Alberta, it's Dimitri. I need your help at the chapel immediately." My voice was clear, but I'm sure she could tell I was running.
"On my way." She hung up without another word. Thank goodness she didn't question me, because I didn't have answers. All I knew is what Rose told me, and even that wasn't much. Only the essentials: Lissa was in trouble and she was in the chapel attic.
When I was only a few steps from the church doors, I could see Guardian Petrov on my left. She was running just as quickly as I had. "In the attic," I shouted in her direction before disappearing inside. I don't know if she heard me, but I was certain that the priest – who was setting up the hall for today's services – did. He seemed totally stunned by my sudden appearance, and that only left me with more questions.
Whatever the matter was, it must have been quiet. The priest would have heard a struggle or fight. I wasn't sure if I should be relieved by the thought, or more concerned. In the end, I didn't have time to make that decision before I reached the top of the stairs.
Hearing silence on the other side of the attic door, I threw it open without knocking. My stake was at the ready, but the sight stunned me still. Lissa was lying still on the floor, blood covering her and the surrounding hardwood. My mind flashed to another similar scene, when Ivan lay dead before me.
Alberta's gasp behind me brought be back to the present and my mind tried to put together what might have happened based on the evidence around us. While my mind naturally went to a Strigoi attack, I quickly disregarded the idea. Not only were we within the wards, we were in the church on holy ground. There was no way she could become a Stigoi victim here. Her attacker was a mere mortal. As I got closer though, it became clear that it wasn't just any mortal. No, she had done this to herself.
I could see the razor blade in her hand and the small pattern of cuts down her arm, some still slowly dripping blood. Faint pink scars indicated that this wasn't the first time she had made those cuts either. While all this added to the horror of the image, there was one relief: the gentle, barely noticeable rise and fall of her chest. She was alive, at least for the time being.
I quickly checked for any other injuries, before wrapping her in my jacket and picking her up. Her skin was already cool to the touch and I knew we had to hurry. Alberta was already calling the clinic, notifying them of our return and calling for a feeder to be brought immediately.
It was still early enough on a Sunday morning that most people weren't out and about. Besides the priest – who crossed himself as we rushed by him – we only saw a few others. With Lissa wrapped in my jacket, I doubted that anyone would know her identity.
The moment I entered the clinic doors, noise and a flurry of activity surrounded us. Doctors and nurses who had already been notified of her condition jumped into action. She was taken from my hands and once again, I felt useless. I didn't even need to tell them much about the scene, since the evidence was written on her skin. I looked around for something to do...some way to be helpful.
With all the movement in the clinic, someone standing still in the corner caught my attention. Her skin was pale with wide-eyed fear, contrasting starkly against her hair. Her hands were clasped in front of her, twitching with the need to help but unable to do anything productive. I understood the feeling all too well. While she didn't move from her place, her eyes darted back and forth between everyone. That is, until she saw me. The moment I caught her eye, she let out a shaky breath.
I didn't hesitate. I moved through the crowd and wrapped her in my arms. Everyone was so focused on Vasilisa, I doubted that anyone even noticed us. I tried to whisper comforting words, letting her know that Lissa should be fine and that everything would be okay. I don't think she even heard me. Slowly, I moved her from the corner and into one of the empty rooms in the clinic. I knew she was overwhelmed with everything. For a while, all I did was provide what silent comfort I could, staying close by just in case she needed me.
After she started to relax, I knew I needed to get some of my questions answered.
"Rose, how long has this been going on?"
The look of shame flashed across her face before she spoke. "A couple of years."
"She's been hurting herself for years?" I was shocked and didn't notice my voice rising until I saw her flinch. I tried to get my own feelings in check before speaking again. "Rose, you are her guardian. More importantly, you're her friend. How could you allow this to go on for so long? Why didn't you tell anyone?"
It was unfair of me to cite her duty as a guardian when she was still a novice, but we both knew that she took that future responsibility seriously, as if she already held the title. While guardians didn't typically meddle in their charge's affairs, it was our duty to protect them against physical harm, and (at least to me) that included harm that they did to themselves.
Rose seemed to find her fire again in that moment. "I couldn't tell anyone becauseshe is my friend, Dimitri. She asked me not to. She begged me not to tell anyone. She has never gone this far though and I thought she was getting better. And then..." She cut off, looking towards the door and the chaos that waited on the other side.
I took a deep breath, seeing how distressed she was. While I still thought she should have told someone long ago, I understood to a certain extent. Rose was Lissa's friend first, just as I had been with Ivan. Occasionally, the expectations of friend and guardian conflict. Unfortunately, those conflicts can have deadly consequences. Handling a situation like this wasn't something that was taught in school. If anything, they tried to encourage us to not become too attached or friendly with our charges because of difficulties just like this one. How could I expect her to move though the choppy waters of her situation without mistake?
"I understand. It was a hard decision with no good option and you did the best you could under the circumstance. I'm glad you finally let someone know though, and just in time. I think she'll be fine but... it was close."
She nodded but didn't speak. I could still see the pain and self loathing in her countenance and as much as I wanted to simply make it go away, I knew I couldn't and I knew I shouldn't. She needed to remember this feeling so she wouldn't make the same mistakes that I had made in the past. Instead, I continued in my lesson.
"Occasionally, you are going to have to make decisions that your charge doesn't agree with for their own good. While they may be the Moroi and your employer, your job is to put their physical safety first, even when they don't understand. They come first. Not their wishes or whims," though they often believe that too, I silently added, "but their safety."
Once again, she silently nodded, acknowledging my words without argument.
"Unfortunately, you may also have to make decisions that you don't care for either to ensure their safety." I'm instantly overcome with all the sacrifices I've made for my career. How long it has been since I've seen my family, all the sleepless nights and other minor discomforts, all the basic experiences like love and family that I know are out of my reach. "We are asked to give our life for our charges. That promise goes beyond dying for them."
This time, instead of silently nodding while staring off into space, she thought for a moment before turning towards me. I had that sensation that I had felt several times before while looking at her. The one that felt like some silent conversation was passing between us. She understood; not just the lesson I was teaching her, but why so many guardians, myself included, acted the way we did. We had given up so much, and she would eventually be asked to do the same.
While I was relieved that she understood, the thought of her sacrificing everything for the life a guardian lives was suffocating. Soon, the feeling was overwhelming and I needed to step outside.
"Stay here. I'll go get an update on Vasilisa and then be back in a moment."
Things had quieted down quickly, or so I had thought. Truthfully, it had been hours since I had brought Lissa in. I saw Alberta standing with the doctor, Headmistress Kirova, and another Moroi woman than I didn't recognize. I walked over towards them, hoping that they would offer some information about Lissa's condition.
"Ah, Guardian Belikov," Headmistress Kirova spoke as soon as she noticed me. "Thank you for joining us. Princess Dragomir is stable now, thanks to your quick actions, but this issue is far from resolved unfortunately." She looked towards Doctor Olendzki, obviously waiting for her to explain further.
"It appears that her self-harm tendencies have been going on for a while without notice," she observed. I wasn't about to correct her. If I told them that Rose had knowledge of this, it would no doubt earn her more undeserved punishment. I pretended that it was news to me and she continued, "therefor, we would like to keep her under closer observation and encourage counseling and some medicinal aid until further notice."
Alberta then spoke up. "She will always have a guardian nearby. Perhaps this will help with some of those unfortunate pranks as well," it sounded like she was as exasperated as I was about the fact that it took a near death experience to receive permission to up her protection in light of all that had happened since her return. "Since you are her sanctioned guardian, typically this responsibility would fall to you. However, since you have other responsibilities on campus, several guardians will assist you. We would like to keep the matter as quiet as possible, so they will be asked to keep the situation discrete."
The way that she said this made be believe that her orders went beyond simple gossip. There would be a chance that Lissa may not realize she had extra security, and it would certainly be hidden from anyone else who didn't need to know.
Once again, the doctor spoke while pointing to the new Moroi woman, "and she will be required to attend counseling daily."
I extended my hand to introduce myself, but promptly forgot her name. I had other things on my mind. "Is she stable enough to receive visitors? Rose would like to speak to her when possible."
The headmistress rolled her eyes at my comment and walked away from our group. I didn't take the offense to heart because the doctor allowed Rose to see Lissa.
After giving my thanks, I returned to Rose to give her the good news. I didn't plan on sharing all the details, just that Lissa was stable and would be getting the help that she needed. I found Rose in the exact same position that I had left her in. She looked like she was shouldering the guilt of the world on her back. As expected though, she perked up when I told her she could go see Lissa.
"Don't stay too long. We've both been up much longer than we should," I warned. "Get some rest today. We'll pick up practice on Monday. Nothing too strenuous," I clarified by pointing to her ankle, "but I'd be happy to work with you on some upper body conditioning and perhaps help you with some of your class work."
With the intense training schedule, I hadn't sat down with her to discuss her class work for a while. As far as I knew, she was keeping her grades up. She was just above average in most of her general subjects, but she was doing well in her guardian classes. Still, I enjoyed giving her the opportunity to discuss theory more in depth if she wanted. While I could simply cancel practices this week, I thought having something to take her mind off Lissa's condition would be better in the long run.
She thanked me before bolting out the door and I returned to my own apartment, finally getting the rest my body so desperately craved after everything.