Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View

Breaking Free

The weekend came quickly, and it seemed like the impending trip overshadowed the other events of the week for all the girls who would be attending. Even Rose, who had only found out about her permission to go the day before, was excited enough to momentarily forget another "prank" on Vasilisa that involved a dead dove in her backpack. I was concerned about how close this prankster seemed to be getting to my charge without notice, but it was hard to focus on that too long when both girls seemed so carefree for the time being.
I was hesitant to bring up the fact that Rose would be technically training during the excursion, so I waited until the day of to bring it up. Trips outside of the wards and into the human world always altered our schedules. To get to the mall during hours of operation, we would be leaving campus late in our evening as the sun started to rise. We wouldn't return until well after curfew. While this would leave us all a bit tired, it did have the added benefit of making a Strigoi attack much less likely. At our morning training, I had encouraged Rose to wear comfortable clothing for the evening and canceled out afternoon practice so we could both hopefully get a little rest before leaving.
When it was time to meet at the vans near the gate, I was happy to see that Rose had followed my advice. Her casual clothing was more than appropriate for fighting if needed, and she even had her hair up. She was walking with Lissa, but the two girls broke apart as Lissa went to greet her other friends and I waved Rose over towards me and a few of the other guardians who were confirming last minute details.
"Headmistress Kirova thinks you've done well since coming back..." I started before she interrupted me.
"Aside from starting a fight in Mr. Nagy's class?"
"She doesn't blame you for that." I paused, reconsidering my reassurance before correcting the statement. "Not entirely." Rose smiled and held back a laugh, knowing as well as I did that she received more than her fair share of blame for that and almost any other incident on campus. It didn't matter if she was involved or not. "I convinced her you needed a break...and that you could use this as a training exercise."
Her smile dropped momentarily. It was obvious that she didn't consider the thought of a "training exercise" to be in line with "needing a break."
I tried to explain how we would be working this evening as everyone piled into the vans. "We have nine people on the outing today. There are four Moroi," I stated, gesturing to Prince Victor, Vasilisa, Natalie and Camille, "as well as five guardians, including you and I." Her grin grew when I included her in the number of guardians rather than singling her out as an unpromised novice. I took a moment to introduce her to Victor's personal guardians, Ben and Spiridon.
Ben was close in age to Stan (who was also joining our party) and was one of those incredibly dedicated guardians who rarely spoke to anyone and seemed to intimidate you simply by standing near by. At one point, I might have been on the path to the same type of description, but working at the school had made me a bit more open, especially over the past few months.
His guardian partner, Spiridon, was his complete contrast. He was both talkative and friendly. The same age as myself, twenty four, he actually seemed to be a walking contradiction. His name was traditional Greek, but he was raised in the Southern United States and spoke with a thick country accent. His appearance hinted at neither of these traits though. I had met him a few times before when Victor came to visit, and while he put up a professional front while working, he would occasionally pull small pranks in the guardian's lounge. Stan was a favorite target, I noticed. On the last visit, I heard that the confrontation nearly came to blows. He suggested encasing Stan's stake in Jello as retribution, but luckily Yuri talked him out of that one. It might have resulted in someone's death.
Stan drove with Ben in the passenger seat, the Moroi taking the two middle rows, and Spiridon, Rose and myself taking the last row. As we pulled out of the Academy gates, I continued my explanation from earlier. "Camille and Natalie don't have personal guardians yet. They're both under the protection of their families' guardians. Since they are Academy students leaving campus, a school guardian accompanies them – Stan." I made a gesture in his direction before starting again. "I'm going because I'm Lissa's assigned guardian. Most girls her age wouldn't have a personal guardian yet, but circumstances make her unusual."
Rose nodded, listening to my words as she glanced at the rest of the group. "She's supposed to have two guardians. Princes and Princesses always do."
Spiridon spoke up before I could. "Don't worry, she'll have plenty when the time comes. Dimitri's already one of them. Odds are you'll be one too. And that's why you are here today."
She looked back towards us with a questioning glance, "The training part?"
"Yep!" Spiridon spoke a bit too eagerly, looking between us with a grin that was much too bright for my liking. "You're going to be Dimitri's partner."
An awkward silence fell as mine and Rose's eyes met. "Guarding partner," I clarified, though I knew doing so unnecessarily only made the situation more uncomfortable. I looked looked at Spiridon again, giving him a subtle glare that I hoped Rose didn't see.
"Yep." Spiridon's smile only became bigger under my glare. He totally knew what he was doing and while Rose still seemed clueless to his taunting, it was starting to get on my nerves. He went on to explain a few different methods to partner guard, but glossed over them all except the near-far guard set up. One guardian stood close, keeping direct protection, while the other allowed some distance and surveyed the general area for incoming threats. It was the one that he and Ben most commonly employed, and would be the logical one that Rose and I would use as well.
"You'll probably always be near guard," I explained. "You're female and the same age as the princess. You can stay close without attracting attention."
"And I can't ever take my eyes off her...or you." Rose was simply relaying information that she had no doubt read several times in her text books, but the phrasing was enough to elicit a snicker from Spiridon.
I shot him another look and he quickly tried to cover up his less than subtle mocking by changing the subject. "You've got a star student there. Did you give her a stake?"
"No. She's not ready." I replied.
Rose wasted no time rolling her eyes. "I would be if someone would show me how to use one." This argument wasn't a new one between us, but I was determined to stand my ground until I was sure she had mastered the more elementary defense techniques. She didn't need it as protection today. There were more than enough guardians on this trip, each carrying a stake and gun on them. If it came down to an actual attack on this outing, she would be treated and protected as one of the Moroi, though I would never tell her that. I would also never tell her that I had a second stake on me that I had packed for her, just in case. I prayed that she would never need to know either piece of information.
"More to it then just using the stake," I could hear my voice switching into the 'mentor tone' that Rose occasionally teased me about. "You've still got to subdue them. And you've got to bring yourself to kill them." I noticed Ben and Stan up front, silently nodding in agreement at the lesson. They both had had a fair share of kills and knew exactly what I was talking about. A quick glance at Spiridon showed a different expression. He agreed with me, but didn't have that same haunted look that the others shared. I hadn't cared to check before, but I briefly wondered if he had come face to face with his first Strigoi kill yet.
Rose brought me out of my thoughts. "Why wouldn't I kill them?" She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and for a moment I envied that innocence. The Moroi around us had quieted their conversations as well, and we're waiting just as patiently as Rose for my answer.
"Most Strigoi used to be Moroi who purposely turned. Sometimes they're Moroi or dhampirs turned by force. It doesn't matter." I remembered my encounter with my former classmate early in my career, before shaking the memory away. "There's a strong chance you might know one of them. Could you kill someone you know?"
The silence in the air was heavy, the tension thick enough to be cut with a knife. I was grateful that Rose didn't answer on impulse but took a moment to consider the question.
"I guess so. I'd have to, right? If it's them or Lissa..."
"You still might hesitate, and that hesitation could kill you. And her."
"Then how do you make sure you don't hesitate?" Determination flashed in her eyes, but I didn't know if was sparked at the idea of her dying or Lissa. If I was a betting man, I'd place money on the latter.
"You have to keep telling yourself that they aren't the same people you knew," this was much easier said than done. "They've become something dark and twisted. Something unnatural. You have to let go of attachments and do what is right. If they have any grain of their former selves left, they'll probably be grateful."
"Grateful for me killing them?"
I thought for a moment about how to explain this to her, and then turned as much as I could in the cramped car so that we were face to face. "If someone turned you into a Strigoi, what would you want?"
She dropped her eyes from me for a moment, but I kept pushing her.
"What would you want if you knew you were going to be converted into a Strigoi against your will? If you knew you would lose all sense of your old morals and understanding of what's right and wrong. If you knew you'd live the rest of your life – your immortal life – killing innocent people? What would you want?"
I asked her the question sincerely, but I knew her answer already. I knew it, because I knew it was the same as my answer. I would want to be killed and be saved from that fate. We were one in the same in many respects when it came to our shared calling as guardians. We knew it was more than just life-or-death on the line. I had seen her maturity in this respect from the first day I met her, and I knew that she had a much stronger understanding of what was required than most students and even some guardians.
We both understood the sacrifices. We lived short and often lonely lives. We typically gave up friends, family, even love for the good of our ultimate goal: protecting our charge. It was the real reason why, despite our age difference and being her mentor, I could never allow myself to truly fall for Rose. Ultimately both of those were temporary issues. But one thing would never change. I had to put Lissa first. So did Rose. The moment we became her official guardians, Lissa's safety and well being needed to be forefront in both of our minds.
It was easy to forget within the confines of the Academy, where my position as Lissa's guardian was not a very active one. But out in the real world, outside of the safety of the wards, we could face death at almost any moment. Since Lissa was the last of her bloodline, it was guaranteed that we would eventually come face to face with danger. Our mantra needed to be embedded into every cell of our being, every thought we had, every move we made: they come first. We would both live, and possibly die, for her and her protection.
"If I became Strigoi...I'd want someone to kill me." Her voice was quiet, but unwavering.
"So would I." As I spoke, I had the overwhelming feeling that this was more than just an agreement between us, but a silent promise. All I could do was pray that it would never come to that. Watching her die was more that I could bare to think about. Killing her myself would be something that I wasn't sure I could ever live through.
I had forgotten that the others were listening to our exchange and was a bit surprised when Prince Victor spoke up. "It reminds me of Mikhail hunting Sonya."
I glanced away from Rose as I remembered the story of the two lovers. It seemed like a story more fit for a Shakespearean Tragedy than idle chatter on the way towards a mall, but it proved the point of just how possible it was to face someone you knew and loved, and be forced to kill them. I heard the rest of the conversation, but it seemed distant as my mind faded towards my own thoughts again.
"Who are Mikhail and Sonya?" Lissa questioned.
Victor looked at her with an odd expression, more confused that surprised. "Why, I thought you knew. Sonya Karp."
"Sonya Kar...you mean, Ms. Karp? What about her?" She was looking between Victor and Rose, but Rose seemed to be avoiding her gaze as much as possible. It surprised me when Rose was the one to answer her question.
"She...became Strigoi. By choice." Rose looked almost guilty as she admitted the knowledge, but I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't like she was involved in any way. Sonya had turned right about the time they had disappeared, Mikhail left shortly after that. "But I don't know who Mikhail is."
Spiridon piped up beside her, "Mikhail Tanner."
"Oh. Guardian Tanner." She turned to Lissa to clarify, "He was here before we left. But why is he chasing Ms. Karp?"
Nobody answered for a moment, and I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes when I finally spoke. "To kill her. They were lovers."
The final piece of that puzzle wasn't exactly common knowledge among students and I heard a few of the girls gasp in surprise. Rose just looked concerned.
"Perhaps it is time to talk about something else," Victor's voice was gentle. "Today isn't the day to dwell on depressing topics." He then changed the conversation to something much more light and appropriate. Rose didn't participate in the discussion though. As she stared out the window, I could see that her mind was weighed down as heavily as mine was. I tried to keep some idle chit chat with Spiridon and the others, but I my heart wasn't in it. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around Rose and promise her that she would never have to face such a difficult life or such impossible choices. However, I knew that those were promises that I had no business making. While it might offer some small comfort now, I knew that there was no way I could ever ensure their truth.