Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View

A Mission of Sacrifice

The guardian lounge was busier than usual tonight. It was to be expected, but I was still somewhat surprised just how many people lingered at this hour. A majority of the provided dinner was eaten, and now it seemed that most were simply staying for socialization.
I silently greeted a few familiar faces as I made my way towards the food table. I grabbed one of the few remaining grilled chicken breasts, some of the roasted vegetables and a bit of brown rice pilaf. While dhampirs had a fast metabolism naturally, and guardians tended to burn calories quickly, I also recognized that I wasn't the same sixteen year old who could finish off a large pizza by myself with ease.
I fought a small chuckle of amusement as I thought about the dietary habits of most of the novices here. While there were always healthy options and lighter fare available at the cafeteria, most students gravitated towards the standard teenage fare like hamburgers and french fries. Rose in particular had a soft spot for chocolate donuts and I couldn't recall her ever willingly eating a vegetable. While I still indulged in the junk food of my youth from time to time, the thought of continually eating fried food on a daily basis made my stomach churn.
As I searched for a place to sit, I realized that there wasn't a quiet table to be found. Instead, I ended up taking a spot at one of the larger tables where several guardians were exchanging news and gossip from outside the academy gates.
It wasn't an uncommon occurrence. The academy often felt like it's own little world and it could be days, weeks, even months before we heard what was going on at Court or anywhere else that wasn't of official record. The arrival of several Court guardians and others assigned to traveling Royal Moroi was an opportune time to gather some information beyond our isolated walls.
I silently listened as some more information was given about Guardian Smith and his new fiancee after the whole Badica scandal. Both were recently denounced, stripped of their titles, and outcast. The last that anyone heard from either of them, they were making their way West towards a small town in Southern Utah. As upsetting as it was that they would be forced to start their lives over from scratch, I was glad that they were finally free to live how they saw fit. I wouldn't call it envy since it was was difficult to be jealous of such a difficult road ahead of them, but I did momentarily wonder what it would be like to live outside of the social rules and pressures that this life was burdened with. Either way, it was unlikely that they would ever be heard from again. They would soon be old news.
Occasionally though, old news seems to get a new life. Such was the case now...
"Tanner is was summoned for a disciplinary hearing last week."
Tanner...the name was familiar but I had a hard time placing it.
"About time he returned. The Council has been more than lenient with him. It's been over a year and he's still no closer to finding her than the day that she left."
Ah...that was it. Mikhail Tanner had left a position at academy a year or so back after Sonya Karp had turned. I hadn't known either of them. Guardian Tanner had left a few weeks before I had arrived, and the former teacher, Mrs. Karp, had voluntarily killed to become Strigoi a month or so prior to that. Since everything had started at this campus, it had been quite the news for some time. As far as I understood it, there was a relationship between the two of them. It was somewhat unusual for such a relationship, even at the academy, but not completely unheard of. What did make it astounding was that he apparently cared enough to go after her after she changed. Many insisted that Sonya Karp had been unstable for quite some time, though nobody expected her to do something so drastic. On the other hand, Guardian Tanner was very level headed and his decision to take an extended leave to hunt her down was somehow even more shocking. Since he had leave built up over the years, nobody could really deny him the opportunity to do as he wished, but it was not a mission sanctioned by the Guardian Council at Court.
"Why did they call a disciplinary hearing though? Wasn't he just using his personal leave?" The question came from one of the school guardians from the elementary campus.
"He was, but that ended a couple of weeks ago and he didn't return for reassignment."
I guess I should have known that he wouldn't be returning to campus. Even though we were short guardians, he wouldn't provide a good example to the novices training here. He had probably been submitted for reassignment shortly after he left.
"How did they find him? Where is he now?"
"He was keeping touch so that he could get information about Karp's possible location. It wasn't hard to drag him back to court. A few members of the Council suggested that he be formally denounced, but our numbers are getting too low to simply fire anyone who steps out of line. They have him working some paperwork job at Court."
"Honestly, I don't think he was up for anything else," another guardian cut in. I believe he was one of the personal guardians of a Royal who stayed at Court. "I saw him shortly after he returned. He's practically a shell of the guy we knew before. Even if anyone wanted him as a personal guardian, I doubt he would have the focus needed to take the job"
I shook my head as I finished the last bite of my dinner. I could sympathize to a certain extent. I remember feeling broken after I failed Ivan. While I had recuperated quite a bit since then, there were still times where I felt like I could never be the guardian that he had trusted for so long. But I knew that many of us felt that way at one time or another. We all had our losses. We were expected to pick ourselves up and move on. They come first.
That's why these sort of missions weren't sanctioned by the Council. While almost all guardians agreed that being turned in battle was a fate worse than death, there weren't enough guardians to hunt and release those from that soulless state. There weren't even enough guardians to protect the Moroi as well as we'd like to, and to support such a mission would mean that there would be even less available protection. Not to mention that vigilante Strigoi hunting was akin to suicide; it was one thing to defend yourself and others when needed, seeking danger out was a whole other situation.
Yet I wondered what I would do if I was in Mikhail's place. It was obvious that he loved Sonya, risking both his career and his life to "save" her. Despite being trained to lay down my life in protection of others, I don't think I could sacrifice so much for just anyone. I knew there were only a handful of people that would make me consider the option, but even then I don't know if I could actually go through with it.
I had killed acquaintances who had been turned before. My third kill was an old classmate of mine. Even knowing that he wasn't the same person, and perhaps just a shell of something evil, it had been difficult to take the life of someone who I had known before. He called me by my name, and even mentioned our time at the school. I remember the look in his eyes as I staked him, just moments before they became dull with his true and final death. It was a look of recognition. Obviously, he had recognized me from the beginning, just as I had recognized him despite his slight change in appearance. His new state still held to the memories of the young man I had graduated with. But in the last instant before he died, I didn't see the monster, I saw the man he once was. At the time, didn't feel like I had killed an undead beast in defense of my charge. For that one moment, it felt like I had murdered an old friend. It was one of my most difficult kills; not because it required skill, but because it required dedication.
As difficult as it was to take the life of someone I knew, I could only imagine how much more difficult it would be to dedicate yourself to releasing someone, and ultimately failing. Not only had he lost the chance to finish what he set out to do, he was coming back to almost nothing. He had lost his job at the academy here, and it wasn't likely that any other academy would take him. If he wasn't even fit for one of the academies – where they typically send guardians who need to recoup after a severe loss or traumatic experience – then it was doubtful that he'd ever hold a position as a personal guard again. He would probably always remain at Court with a black mark on his record. On top of that, with to the disciplinary hearing, it sounded like he wouldn't be cleared for even patrol work anytime soon. I felt trapped within the grounds of the academy and I had the comfort of knowing that I'd be back in the field within a few months. He could be sequestered to nothing more than filing for the rest of his life.
I cringed at the thought. Perhaps it would have been worth it if he had felt like he saved the love of his life, but without even that consolation...it must be unbearable.
It was late now, and the guardian lounge was slowly dying down as kitchen staff came in to clean up the provided meal and guardians left for the evening. Some were catching one of the later planes back to Court with their charges, others were leaving for a night shift, and some (like myself) were simply returning home for the night. I was able to leave without having to chat beyond some light pleasantries with those around me, and by the time I made it to my apartment a few minutes later, my body was begging for the relief of sleep. I happily complied, falling asleep moments after laying down.
The next morning, I was in the gym waiting for Rose. It was Saturday, and I was ready for another long day of training. We now had a standing reservation each Saturday and Sunday for one of the small practice rooms in the gym building. We typically used it for combat practice and anything else that didn't require a track or other equipment. While it quiet enough to use the main gym during the week, it tended to be a bit busier during the weekends so having some personal space helped.
I had only been waiting a minute or two when Rose arrived. Nothing was particularly unusual about her. She was wearing a pair of yoga pants and a sports tank top that I had seen her in several times before. She was pulling her hair up into her usual pony tail for practice. Nothing out of the ordinary, but for some reason I couldn't take my eyes off of her. As she fought to tame the dark mane, I had full view of the feminine curves of her torso. As she began stretching, I watched her muscles flex under her almond color skin...skin that I knew would be soft under my fingers. I blinked and tried to refocus, banishing the inappropriate moment from the forefront of my mind.
She was talking to me, but I couldn't seem to understand her. I only heard a word or two before I would become distracted again. Her smile, her neck, the small sliver of skin that showed between hem of her tank top and the waist band of her pants when she stretched to one side. I felt like I was going crazy within my own mind. I couldn't concentrate. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice anything amiss.
"Dimitri?"
The sound of my name finally pulled me out of the haze of my distress. "Yes?" I willed myself to focus on her eyes – those dark, beautiful eyes – while doing everything I could to keep my face from betraying the strange emotions pulling me in every direction.
She laughed and shook her head. "I asked if we could spar again. Would that be okay?"
"Yes, sure." The response was automatic, and I instantly regretted it. If I was having trouble controlling my mind now, what would happen with physical contact? I should send her outside to run, to the weights for some conditioning, pretty much anything other than sparring. But as she moved into place on the mats she looked so excited to practice and I couldn't deny her.
I went on the defensive. It seemed like the safer choice today. After circling each other for a moment, her weight shifted left and her right leg swung around in a high kick. It was a fairly obvious move that was easy to block and I immediately countered with a jab. It never connected. She used the momentum of my block to quickly spin to the side of me and out of my reach, throwing a quick punch to my kidney before I could relocate her again. Stepping back to face off once more, I saw the smile on her face. She was quietly celebrating the victory of getting the first hit in. It only lasted a moment, but that was all the distraction I needed.
I used my extra wingspan against her, going for a backhand at head level. She rose her arm to block, leaving her body unguarded, but surprised me by stepping closer to me before I could continue my combination. Her close distance made it impossible to get a good hit on her while she was free strike at will. She was using my height against me, just as I had showed her the day before. Still, stepping closer to your enemy was always a bold move when instinct encouraged you to keep your distance. The best option for me was to use brute force.
While her hand was still up blocking my previous move, I quickly grabbed her wrist, twirled her around, and pinned her close to my body – her back against my chest. The movement seemed much more appropriate to dance than combat, but with her body trapped against mine she was practically helpless. All I needed to do to win was to mimic an impending Strigoi bite by exposing her neck. She struggled against me as I used my free hand to shift her head to the side with a quick yet gentle movement.
"Win."
She struggled in my arms a moment longer, not yet ready to accept defeat. Finally, she relaxed against me as she silently resigned herself to her fate.
That's when I should have let her go. That's when I should have broken away to discuss the match and her techniques. That's when I should have done almost anything but stare at her unprotected neck...which is exactly what I did.
Suddenly, I was hyper aware of just how close we were. One of my arms wrapped around her body, holding both of her arms against her waist. She was still catching her breath and her chest rose and fell in even, decisive moments. God help me. From this position I had a great view of her breasts, able to see the dark valley between them as I looked down.
My own breathing hitched as I fought my physical reaction. Closing my eyes against temptation, I lost the battle when I felt how her hips were centered against my groin. Shamefully, I bit my tongue and peeked at her, knowing that my predicament wouldn't escape her notice. All I could hope for was that she would accept a desperate apology and pretend like this never happened.
Imagine my surprise when the horror and disgust I expected never materialized on her face. Instead several other emotions moved swiftly across in succession. First, her brows furrowed slightly in confusion before recognition and understanding made their appearance. In shock, she turned her head to look at me for the first time since I ended the fight. Time seemed to stop as her eyes bore into mine. I couldn't breath, waiting to see what would happen next.
She smiled.
That smile was the final push I needed to jump off the cliff I had been standing on all morning. That smile held so many emotions, but the two that stood out most were the ones that were mirrored within me: hope and desire.
I immediately brought my lips to her neck, still exposed from battle. Instead of an imaginary bite, I bestowed a kiss. Her breath caught in her throat with a small noise of delight and surprise, and her body automatically arched against mine. The action pressed her deeper into my kiss as well as harder against my groin, already tight with excitement. From within myself, I heard a deep pleasure-filled groan escape in response. I smiled against her skin, amazed at how she could ignite such a primal response with ease.
Letting my kiss wander from her neck towards the soft sensitive patch just under her ear, I held her tighter against me. I was rewarded with a small sigh from the beautiful girl in my arms.
"Rose," my lip barely brushed her ear as I whispered her name. "My Roza."
I couldn't take it any longer. I needed to feel her lips against mine. I spun her around in my arms so that her chest was now pressed against mine, her face only a breath away. Bowing my head, I smiled as her eyes closed in anticipation. I stopped just before that sweet satisfaction, reveling in that moment just before contact. I brushed a stray hair behind her ear before guiding her closer to close the gap and share what I knew would be bliss. My lips barely grazed hers and...the bell rang.
No...not the bell. My phone. All of a sudden, the world around me became fuzzy, and not because of the high I was currently feeling. Even my Roza vanished from my arms. Yet the sound of my phone ringing remained.
My eyes opened and I was in my room, my phone buzzing insistently on my bed side table. It was the middle of the night, and I had only been sleeping for an hour or so. Without further hesitation, I answered the call. "Belikov."
"Guardian Belikov. This is the matron at the female novice dorms. There's a young lady here who is insisting that she needs to speak to you immediately." Her voice was hushed, but annoyed. I didn't see why she was so upset since I was the one just woken up, but she continued in the same manner. "Shall I send her away."
"No," I already knew who it was without asking. "I'll be right there."