Vampire Academy: Dimitri's Point of View

BloodWhore

In the morning, after I had accompanied Vasilisa to her dorm and then to breakfast where Rose would undoubtedly take over Lissa's care, I made my way back to my apartment to get ready for my own shift that day. I was working a split shift today, monitoring some of the morning classes, then taking one of the dorm patrol shifts later that evening. I was happy for the easier schedule today, since I also needed to finish some paperwork and I would benefit from some rest since I didn't get much sleep the night before.
I could see the whispering start early that morning. I was certain that people had heard about the second attack. That, plus the events during the Queen's visit, were more than enough to power the rumor mill today. Unfortunately, Vasilisa and (by extension) Rose were at the center of both stories. Eyes followed them though all their classes. I had thought that Rose's dhampir only combat courses would offer some relief, but even there I could see the sidelong glance and even some outright pointing.
It aggravated me that both girls were being subjected to such annoyance, but for the most part, Rose didn't seem to notice. I knew she was aware of the unwanted attention, but she was allowing it to roll off her shoulders. I could see here "check in" from time to time in Lissa's mind to make sure she was handling things alright, but other than that she seemed unconcerned with the chatter around her. She fought well against her classmates using some of the techniques I've shown her to defend and overpower larger opponents.
For a moment I felt proud. Not only for how well she picked up skills in training, but also for the way she had begun acting recently: composed and mature. She still had her moments, but the young woman I was watching now was vastly different from the one that I had to drag back to school only a couple months before. That Rose had been like a wildfire; a single spark could set her off before she burned anyone and anything in her path, without regard for the consequences. Now she resembled a controlled blaze. She still had the potential to be lethal, but she had now direction and purpose. She showed restraint when necessary and force when needed. I wouldn't exactly call her tame (she was far from it) but she was becoming someone to be regarded with respect and awe rather than fear and disdain.
While most of the classes I monitored were for the dhampir novices that day, my final class was for some of Moroi students. Lissa sat near the front of the class, dutifully taking notes and listening to the lecture. It was a class on Ancient Poetry and while I recognized some of the old Russian classics quoted, it was hardly something that captured my interest. I spent most of the class standing at attention in the back and getting lost in my own wandering thoughts. I did notice one thing that was particular. Somehow, there seemed to be less snickering surrounding Lissa after last nights events. Don't get me wrong, there still was plenty, but I would have thought it would be more obvious here. The Moroi students tended to be much more focused on school politics and the rumors that shaped them than the novices. Plus, while it seemed Rose and Lissa's names would always be connected to each other in one way or another, Lissa should have been the obvious focus, not Rose. It didn't faze me much though. I knew that Rose would prefer that Lissa be spared any unpleasant attention, and I would agree with her. Lissa was still fairly fragile, even if she was putting on a brave face today.
After the class ended, I silently followed Vasilisa to the cafeteria for the lunch hour. I was spaced a good distance at to not draw notice to either of us. While I hated the idea of not fully trusting the other guardians and staff on campus, the truth remained that we were no closer to finding the scoundrel from last night. I may not be able to watch Vasilisa every moment of every day, I did want to be there as often as I was able. I waited just inside the cafeteria doors until she met up with Rose, who I knew was more than capable of watching her for the afternoon. Then I walked towards the school guardian office to pick up the visitor logs from the past few weeks so I could take them back to my apartment and start looking into possible suspects.
After my own lunch, I was no closer to figuring out the mystery than I was that morning. No two visitors matched up. I knew it was a long shot, but I had been somewhat hopeful since it would be vastly easier to question five or so people than the entire population of campus. Once my mind reached its mental capacity for that subject – at least for the time being – I set the alarm on my phone and tried to take a short nap. I only had two hours or so before my practice with Rose, but despite my physical and mental fatigue, I found myself looking forward to her company.
Our training sessions had started becoming a sort of respite for us both. While her idle and often sarcastic chatter annoyed me to no end when we started our routine, it has now become a mutual banter that seems to pass the time and even relieve some of the stress of our busy schedules. We both seem to relax more during our training sessions than any other time. I still have a hard time calling Rose a friend, since I know that it sullied the strict mentor-student relationship that we were supposed to share, but it was also getting harder and harder to not admit that she was the closest thing I've had to a real friend since Ivan's death. I've had co-workers, peers, and acquaintances, but nobody I felt comfortable sharing anything more than the surface deep pleasantries with. Rose seemed to put me at ease and allowed me to open up more than I had in years. I actually enjoyed our conversations now.
But not today apparently.
Perhaps I should have noticed something was wrong when she arrived early, but it didn't really strike me that she was some how off her game until after our run and we had been practicing almost 15 minutes. She still had yet to say something beyond a single word reply to any question I had to offer. At first, I thought she might just be tired. She seemed fairly normal this morning, even if she was unusually focused. Now, she seems...distracted. I can see her putting more power than necessary into every hit, as if she is fighting for some sort of control. She had a similar reaction after the first attack. But it's somehow different too. She isn't trying to take her aggression out on me, but on herself. Her techniques are sloppy and causing her more pain.
"Rose! Keep your wrist straight. You're going to hurt yourself."
The only acknowledgment I received that she had heard me is a short hesitation before continuing the combination we are working on. Suddenly, she is hitting my hand target with near perfect technique. Not only did she fix her wrist, she also fixed almost every other weak point in her form. A red flag went off in my head...she's doing this on purpose.
I move on to some weight training in hopes that she wont hurt herself, but even there I notice herself pushing herself harder than she should. I know I should say something to her, but I don't know what I should say. Every time I ask her a question and try to get her to open up, she answers with a single syllable. If that isn't possible, then she simply ignores me and doesn't answer at all. After only 20 minutes at the weighs, I stop her for her own good. I'm tempted to simply release her for the afternoon... but I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's the last thing she needs. Instead, I decide to offer my own body as a punching bag. We spar.
Only once I'm fighting her can I start to see just how unstable she really is. I can literally feel her tension as I catch her in an arm lock. Taking her down is almost too easy today. Match after match, she hits the mat. Still, I see more release coming from this than anything else during practice so I silently allow her to simply attack me. All I do is brace myself against it.
With a feral growl, she goes for a kick that is more wild than she intended and before she make contact with me she is flat on the ground. She's taken out by her own imbalance. This time, she doesn't get up.
I watch her as she lays there unmoving for a minute. I'm about to check on her and see if she's done greater damage than I initially thought when she suddenly pounds the mat a few times. Finally, she sits up with her head resting in her hands, balanced on her bent knees.
As her breathing starts to steady, she looks up at me – for the first time all practice – and I'm frozen in shock at what I see. This isn't the protective and focused young novice from last night. This isn't the carefree young woman that I watch interact with her friends at the academy. This isn't even the angry wild child that I met in Portland. No... this is a broken girl. She's a deer caught in the headlights, scared and lost. For a second it looks like she's on the edge of a cliff, and I know I should reach out to her and pull her away...but I don't.
She looks away, stands up, and walks out of the gym without a word.
And I let her.
I'm still standing in place three minutes later before I finally gather my things and hit the locker room. My mind is still reeling as I stand in the shower. I'm still stunned as I finally make my way to the guardian lounge.
I'm trying to fill out some progress reports on our training sessions, but I'm unfocused. Luckily, there isn't much mental energy necessary for these types of reports. It still takes me much longer than necessary, but I have time before my next shift. Every few moments, my mind return to Rose and the look in her eyes. I know that it wasn't caused by the events of yesterday. Something else has happened, but I don't know what. I'm so lost in my own thoughts that I nearly jump when Alberta sits across from me.
"How is she?" She asks gently. I'm amazed that she can appear deadly or motherly, depending on her mood.
"Who? The Princess? She's still fairly fragile but I think she is holding up well under the circumstances." After yesterday, I'm certain that she is still worried about her. "The rumors seem to be circulating already, but there haven't been any direct threats."
"I'm not asking about Vasilisa." Her tone seems like this should be obvious, and it's clear that I'm missing something. "Rose...how is Rose?"
I furrow my brow and wonder what exactly she's asking about. I don't want to give too much away about her current state when I don't understand it myself. "She's...distracted after the rabbit incident. Otherwise her training is going well, better than I think any of us expected."
She give a frustrated sigh and I know that I've given the wrong answer again.
"Fine." I gather the papers in front of me and look at her straight on. I hate sharing Rose's unusual activity with anyone, but I trust Guardian Petrov and know that she cares about her as much as I do. Perhaps she can give me some insight. "She...acting strange. She isn't acting out really. She's quite but she looks like she just moments from the breaking point. I don't understand. She seemed fine this morning...but at our afternoon practice, it was like she wasn't there. I don't know what happened. I've never seen her like this."
Suddenly, there seems to be some form of understanding that flashes in Alberta's eyes. "You don't know...do you?"
"What? What do you know?
"Dimitri, there have been some...rumors...circulating around campus."
I'm sure the confusion is evident on my face. "About last night? Yesterday?"
"No."
"Then what? It's not the first time that Rose has been the focus of silly school rumors. They've never gotten to her before."
She looks down. "Not like this." I pause and she continues, "Somehow, someone found out about Rose and Vasilisa while they were on the run. About how Vasilisa...survived."
I hear my breath stop. By "survived" I know she means "fed." How...that report was supposed to be confidential, precisely for this reason.
"Unfortunately, that's not the end of it. After those rumors started circulating, some of the Moroi students decided to add to the story. The male Moroi students."
It suddenly clicks. "Who."
"Primarily, Jesse Zeklos and Ralf Sarcozy. There was a confrontation in Mr. Nagy's class but she walked away without violence."
I can feel the vein in my neck pulsing. My fists are clenched on the table. Even though I know that the rumors aren't true...this is what I was worried about. It doesn't matter if they are lying, once you have been branded a bloodwhore, you are always seen as one. She knows that. Suddenly the pain, the fear, the precipice of control that she was standing on...it all makes sense.
The rage that I felt that night in the lounge is back. I want to strangle the boys. But I can't.
"Dimitri." My focus snaps back to Alberta. "She needs someone she trusts. She needs someone to talk to. She needs you."
But I don't know what to say. How can I make this better? "Perhaps you would be better suited for this."
"I don't think so Guardian Belikov. I've known her her whole life, I think of her as a daughter of sorts, but you have a connection with her that I've never seen before. She responds to you. She needs her mentor."
We sat there a moment longer before I agree to the task with a quick nod. I still have no idea what I can say to her, but perhaps I can ease a little pain. My shift at the dhampir dorms is in a few minutes, but I quickly find Lissa before checking in.
"Princess. Do you know where Rose is?"
"No. I haven't seen her since our last class. She's upset. Really upset. My guess is that she's in her room."
I look around a moment before taking her hand. "Come with me."
I unlock the back stairwell and push her inside without anyone seeing. It's near curfew, too late to enter the Moroi dorms through the front entrance.
"Meet us on Rose's floor, but stay in the stairwell. I'll be there in just a moment." She nods at my instructions and starts heading up the stairs. I only have eight more minutes before my shift starts. I enter through the front entrance and race up the steps towards Rose's room.
I hesitate before knocking. I can hear here sniffing behind the privacy of the door. I take a deep breath and rap three times.
"One moment." Her voice cracks and my heart breaks. The door opens a moment later and I can see what she's been doing. Her nose is pink and her eyes are blood shot. Even her cheeks seem a bit raw from the salt in her tears. She's still in the clothing that she wore to practice. Her hair is a tangled mess. She's been crying for hours now.
All I want to do is pull her into my arms. I want to shut the door behind us and lock us away from the rest of the world. I want to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay. I want to stroke her hair and be her strength for a moment. I don't know why, but it's true. I want to be there for for her.
Maybe I would if I knew Lissa wasn't waiting for us, but she is.
"Are you okay?" I already know the answer. Of course she isn't. I've never seen her so upset. I'm familiar with girls crying; three sisters will provide plenty of experience. However, it's different with Rose. I know how hard she struggles to be strong. I know it is killing her to let me see her like this, let alone anyone else. Even now, shes trying to hide her face from me. A face that is too beautiful to be marred by tears.
"It doesn't matter if I am, remember?" She looks up at me and those horrid words that I said come rushing back to me. It doesn't matter how I feel, it doesn't matter how any of us feel. But it does matter. It matters to me.
After a moment, she speaks again. "Is Lissa okay? This'll be hard on her."
I wince. Even after having her reputation questioned, mocked, torn apart and stepped on...she's worried about Lissa. I remember something else I said that night: Think about Lissa. You make yourself look cheap...and it reflects back on her...and me. I know why she wouldn't look at me at practice. She's ashamed and feels like she let me down. I wish I could take back every harsh word I said that night. I can't stand that part of her pain is because of me.
Still, I can see that she's genuinely worried about Vasilisa – as much, if not more so than, herself. I may have made several mistakes, but I've at least done one thing right. "Come on."
She follows without question, but crosses her arms in front of her like a shield.
I unlock the back stairwell and gently push her through the door with a simple warning, "five minutes." She looks confuse but relaxes when she sees Lissa and throws her arms around her best friend. I shut the door.
While I stand guard over their hiding place, I put my radio on and check in for the start of my shift. After a few moments longer I give a soft knock and stick my head in to interrupt their conversation. "You've got to get back inside, Rose, before someone finds you. Lissa, do you think you can make it back to your dorm alright? Would you like me to call an escort?"
Lissa turns to me for a second. "No, don't worry about it Guardian Belikov. I'll be okay." She looks at Rose before retreating down the stairs. "I'll take care of everything this time, Rose. Everything."
Rose seems a little better than she did earlier, even if she still looks worried. My hand is on her shoulder as I walk her back to her room. When we reach her door, she looks at me with thanks, though I can still see some sadness in her eyes.
I resist the urge to give her a hug, instead opening her door for her. Just before she shuts it behind her...she smiles. That smile was worth breaking the rules for.
I spend the the next handful of hours patrolling the novice dorms, and I know I spend much more time than I should on the fourth floor of the female section. Each time I pass her room, I press my ear to the door to check on her. The first few times, I can hear some tears being shed. Finally, on my fifth circuit, her room is quiet. She's fallen asleep and I give a quick prayer that she finds some peace in her dreams tonight.