The Diaries of Kenny McCormick

Mum's the Word(FUCK THAT!)

The next chapters are going to be so much better I promise (I'm so excited to get them up)

AFD

I texted her Goodnight. (Woah, did you hear that? That was the simultaneous orgasm of every girl on the entire planet and their tears because Kenny McCormick is now off the market... I mean seriously have you seen how sexy I am? I mean, you can't see me now but I'm literally looking at my naked bod through a mirror. And there goes the second orgasm, right? Okay well moving on!)

We didn't talk about Bert the butt hurt child molester FUCKING FAGGOT ASSHOLE MOTHER FUCKER WHO'S GOING TO DIE AS SOON AS I FINISH PLANNING OUT 'KILL MOM'S NEW ASSFUCKING VAGINA FACED FUCKER 2.0'... It's a really good name for a plan... Tomorrow's Monday and school starts up again, that means Criss doesn't work at her family's restaurant, which means, *ding* *ding* I get to talk to her face to face. AND YES YOU BET YOUR SWEET HONEY ASS I'M YELLING AT HER!

So far I haven't  mentioned Bert to her but I really can't go another day just sitting around while Albert does God knows what.

Why would she make me go through the trouble of guessing who he was? Why wouldn't she tell me earlier! MY FUCKING SISTER LIVES WITH THAT CHILD molly. Yeah, child molly I like that. Saying, molester, gives me chills. OH GOD IF HE EVEN TOUCHES KAREN! HOOOOLY FUCKING SHIT! NO, N.O. I will never forgive that hussy Criss Rodriguez. Fuck I'll kill Albert with my own fucking hands right after I give her a piece of my mind if I find out he did anything to Karen! We'll talk and then maybe together we can make a plan to get asshole out of our lives forever. Asshole Bert the buttfucker's going down!

"Hey Cri-"

"You can't tell anyone what I told you." She immediately cut me off then started to walk away. Again I was getting annoyed. Who pulled this shit? This time I didn't bother going after her, I was fucking pissed.

I went through my school day mute. I called Criss over a few times but she was ignoring me. By lunch time she was gone.

"Hey Kenny, we're gonna go make faces at the old people in hospice. Wanna come?" Kyle's voice brought me back to reality. It brought me out of the terrifying reality that Karen was in danger every second she was away. I let out a sigh when I realized the obvious fact I had been ignoring. Criss was probably in danger this very second.

"Kenny?"

"Oh... No dude, I.... I have to work till eight at City Wok." Kyle nodded but Cartman laughed obnoxiously making my eye twitch.

"Hahahaha! Kenny's so poor he has to work for his lunch!" I took a deep breath and pulled him close by the shirt.

"Shut the fuck up okay, fatty? Because I might need your help later." I looked back to Stan and Kyle my scowl unmoving.

"I may need your help too..." I said a little gentler. The looks they gave me were confused and a little determined.

They are still my best friends. I didn't  stay any longer I just marched to Criss' two story house.

I knocked and a tall slender white looking boy with straight short shards of black hair going down appeared. "We're closed, get lost." He laughed closing the door on me. I cringed and I would've kicked him in his balls if I didn't make the connection that this was Criss' older brother.

I knocked again and he opened the door with a heavy sigh. "I'm  here to see Criss."

"Yeah, she's new. You're  a hormonal teen. Whatever, as her brother, I'm  gonna have to close the door on you now and pretend you were the pizza guy with the wrong address, bye." He began to close the door but I stuck my foot in the doorway.