The Diaries of Kenny McCormick

Odd Jobs

I'm not really proud of what's putting Karen's food on the table. You know what I'm doing to make money to buy her food. It's not like I'm having sex to put food on the table... It's worse than that. (at least that would be fun). Today I'm in the main plaza of Lafayette Louisiana on the largest building I can find. It's the second day on the job. I'm dressed in a starry American flag helmet with a matching cape and white jumpsuit. I look. Absolutely. Fucking. STUPID. I click my white boots against the rooftop's pavement as the crowd starts to form. I click my megaphone looking down from ten stories.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome once again to Kenny's Magnifico Daredevil performance and stunts!" I spin around and Karen plays a CD track on the CD player I bought, she's safely on the ground. She hides her giggle and steps back to let me do my thing.   

I grab the vaulting pole and look to the next building over. It should be about five feet away if Karen and I measured it correctly. I look towards the crowd, they look back in awe. There's one man in front who watches with a crazy intent in his eyes. It makes me a little uneasy. He has brown muffled hair and wears a brown dress shirt with black jeans. Then I look down to Karen I can't see her that well but I'm pretty sure she's a nervous wreck. I just hope everyone watching has at least paid the twenty five dollar admission. I'm not doing this shit for free! Karen turns on her own megaphone and begins to speak.

"For this performance, the great Kenny McCormick will vault from this 10 story building to the next! Don't try this at home people! Kenny's Magnifico Daredevil performance is not responsible for any damages performed outside of normal facilities... Okay! One.. Two.." Karen's countdown made it definitely more nerve-racking to be so high up but if I died I knew I'd just come back so why the hell was I so scared. I took a deep breath clutching the vaulting pole. "THREE!" I run a few feet then slam the pole into the ground jetting my body into the sky. I close my eyes praying the helmet will keep me safe enough. 

"Ooh." The crowd awes as I'm sent flying. I land hard head first into the concrete roof of the building over. My head is spinning and I see spots of colors. I can hear the crowd cheering but they sound worlds away. Karen's voice breaks through all the fuzziness.

"Kenny! Are you okay?" The crowd stops cheering. I take a deep breath and jump up. They go nuts with screaming, cheering, and jeering for an encore. Under my helmet, I know my skull has cracked open but I'm smiling with my arms in the air as I face the crowd. If I don't show the pain they assume I'm absolutely unharmed and will tip me more. I was hoping to buy Karen and me some pizza today so I bow trying not to cringe at the dripping blood from my skull. I doubt they can see it from down there. That man in the brown suit is not clapping. He's staring intently but not in an obvious manner. His bored expression never leaves but theres a glint in his eye he can't keep his eyes off me. A small smirk envelopes his face and for a split second my fake performance smile falters.

Thirty minutes later Karen sits next to me on top of the ten story building (which I later found out was a bank) and holds a cold towel to my head. "Kenny this is going to get you killed." She whispers, pressing the towel against the open wound lined with antiseptic. I laugh a little.

"I know but I die all the time." She rolls her eyes and tries to get the dried blood out of my blond hair. I look down from the building it's grown dark now but I can still see him. He stands in the middle of the plaza staring forward but still looking at me from the corner of his eye. What the fuck does this guy want? I frown and Karen notices the tension and the sneer on my face.

"what is it?" She follows my gaze and notices I'm staring at the dude in the brown suit. His suit is open now revealing a blue shirt collar. She sighs when she realizes I'm glaring at him.

"him? He seemed pretty obsessed with getting a front seat view of your performance. I don't like him..." I breathe out a sigh exasperated and tired.

"Yeah. the crowd dispersed twenty minutes ago. What the fuck is he still doing here?" Karen ignored the question and kept trying to clean my blood. I winced trying not to think of the full gravity of it. Cracking your skull on the cement definitely called for a trip to the E.R, but I couldn't afford that! She pressed on the open wound and I stood up. Shock shot through my body.

"FUCK! That hurt!" Karen seemed hurt by my reaction. She cowered covering her face instinctively. I took a deep breath grabbing her arm gently. "come on Karen... This guy doesn't look like he's going to leave. So let's go."

The only thing about leaving the roof of the building that bothered me was that we had to leave the man in the brown suit unsupervised. We headed into the building and straight for the elevator. I could feel the nerves from Karen. She didn't trust that guy at all. I could feel something was going to happen and I didn't like it one bit. 

When we reached the main floor Karen was quick to get outside. It was hard following her with a splitting headache and dried bloody matted hair covering my view. The breeze from outside made my headache seem ten times worse. I groaned a little but Karen's gasp shocked me out of the pain.

"He's finally gone." I moved the hair out of my eyes and saw that she was right. Finally, the creep was gone. I was hoping to let my nerves ease but my eyes were drawn to where he was standing. Only a single slip of paper on the floor is all that remains of the mysterious man. Karen runs to it. Instinctively, I chase her. My big brother instincts are on high alert. 

She stares at it for a little before picking it up. I grab it immediately. "Karen, I want you to stay where I can see you, okay. Something about this doesn't feel-" She points to the card in my hand.

"Read it." Her voice is hardly above a whisper.  My eyes scan it and my head starts spinning again. My heart stops, and I can't feel anything. Am I dying? Karen's talking again but she sounds light years away. She's yelling now but she sounds like she's whispering in my ear. I feel my blood rushing to my head, the blood in my body runs cold. Karen's still screaming but now she's shaking me. I'm on the floor. Why the hell am I on the floor? When did I get here? I see spots in the night sky. I hear a washing machine in my ear cycling over and over. "Kenny!" Darkness.

I see Karen staring at me. Her green eyes are filled to the brim with tears. "Oh thank God!" She throws her arms around me. I groan at how sore my body feels.

"Did I faint?" She nods into my chest letting the tears soak my now filthy white jumpsuit. I look around seeing we're in the crappy studio apartment I'm renting. The only thing in here is a mattress and a bundle of blankets that serve as my bed. I'm on the mattress that's supposed to be for Karen. It upsets me a little that I'm lying here. How could I pass out like that and let the responsibility of taking care of me fall onto Karen? How could I steal her fucking bed! I scold myself internally but my eyes are still scanning this dumb small pathetic room. I look at the floor and see the card again. My head spins and Karen's eyes widen. She's ready this time with a glass of water.

"You need to lay back down. You need to rest Kenny. You're not well!" I bite my lip as she forces me to lye down. I'm in no position to fight her. She makes me drink the rest of the water and I cover my head with the sheets. I can't stop thinking of what's on that card.

"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming." Join us as we wait for the reawakening of our lord Cthulhu. The Cult of Cthulhu. Located: Sunnyville Apt 1031, LA 70501 Phone: 337-482-1000 Email: theoldone@gmail.com"