Kill Me Now (Modern Cliches, #1)

The Beginning

This is where my average and normal life ends and my descent into insanity ensues.

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Do you know that feeling you get when you feel like something big is going to happen?

I didn't know it.

Which in retrospect would have solved a lot of my problems. Mainly I think I would have simply not gone into work that day if I felt it. Maybe called in sick, had a nice day in my bed watching classic movies and eating popcorn like a fucking savage. But no.

The absence of that feeling meant I got out of bed, had a shower, put on my uniform for another day at the coffee shop. I hated coffee and customer service so I have no clue why I started working ther- Wait, I have bills and it pays well. Apparently the thought of being homeless and destitute is enough to get a person working, even at a job they hate.

So I went off to work without thinking it would be a day any different than the one before it and it had. I dealt with customers asking inane and retarded questions about the coffee like:

"Why is fair trade better? It costs me more!" Ummm because it doesn't destroy rain-forests and it gives the people harvesting it a fair and decent price for their product. I'm sorry that our coffee shop doesn't buy into slave labor but you are free to go to the store and buy some cheap slave labour coffee if you want.

"No, I don't want a lid but can I get a top?" They are literally the same fucking thing, dumbass. Do you want me to take the lid away, hide it for a second and then give it back but this time calling it a top? Would that make you happy?

"This doesn't taste like normal coffee! I want a refund!" It tastes weird because you ordered fucking decaf, you utter imbecile.

"Do you make slushies?" Yes, in a coffee shop we make fucking slushies. Let me just pull the slushie machine out of my ass and make you one. How does the flavour of 'Get the fuck out of my face, grape' sound?

Do you know how hard it is to keep a smile on your face when you hear that shit all the time? Yah, by the end of the day I'm always surprised my teeth aren't worn down to nubs because I grind them together so much.

So any way it had gone as it normally did until roughly around three-thirty when this man came in. I only mention him because when he came in everyone stopped speaking. I mean everyone. It was like he pressed fucking mute on the entire building. You know how strange it is to experience a complete stop of all communication in a building that is usually incredibly noisy? Its creepy and eerie.

He was attractive, I would give him that but the dude seemed just a bit... off. Like there wasn't something right with him. Maybe it was the fact he stared at me like he wanted to eat me. And not in the pleasant, pleasurable way that I wouldn't mind. I'm talking like I was a four course meal and he was a starving homeless man. Actually now that I think about it, that is probably what it was.

So he came over and stared at me for a few really creepy minutes. I swear to god he was breathing heavily, like those creepy perverts that stare at women and just inhale and exhale long and weirdly. Keep in mind the shop is still silent at this point so one of my coworkers nudged me towards him. Like a fucking bitch.

"Hi! May I take your order?" I kept my voice bright and chipper and gave him my brightest smile. He gave me a smile in return but once again managed to bring to mind a creepy hobo pervert that probably would touch himself on a crowded subway while staring at the pretty girls. Too specific? Nahhh.

"I was going to get a coffee but could I get you instead." The way he said it had my eyes widening and I coughed rapidly before staring at him with a look that I was sure spelled how weirded out I felt.

"Well, I'm not on the menu so you are going to have to alter your order." I fought to keep my voice chipper and professional but with the way he was looking at me made it very, very difficult.

"Oh? Could have fooled me. Large black coffee." He fished out a large wad of bills from his pocket and peeled me off several bills that made me want to grind my teeth together. "Here, keep the change. Buy yourself something nice for our date later." He slid the over four hundred dollars towards me and I gave him a small smile before sliding them back.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we do not accept bills over the fifty dollar denomination." I tapped the sign tapped to the front of the register and for a brief moment I thought he growled at me before he took the money back. I glanced at my coworker as she poured him his coffee. I leaned my head in his direction with a look that clearly stated 'What the fuck is with this guy?'. She shrugged slowly as if not wanting him to notice the action before she handed me the coffee cup.

"Keep the change." His voice was husky as he said it and I slid the coffee cup along the counter, unwilling to let our hands touch. I looked at the once again four hundred dollars he had left on the counter before taking the fifty off the top and ringing it into the till. By the time I looked up he and the coffee were gone. I stared at the money before stuffing it into the shared tip jar. I honestly wanted nothing to do with it or even touch it for that matter but a tip was a tip. Sounds slowly started to flood the cafe again and I felt myself relaxing a bit.

"Does he think you are a prostitute?" My coworker, Belle, leaned over to look at the almost full jar and I gave a small hysterical laugh.

"So I wasn't the only one who thought he was weird?" I glanced at her and she gave me the same weirded out look that I had on my face as I looked at the money.

"Dude had fucking psycho written all over him. Hot though. I might want to tap it and then run far away and change my name so he can't find me and wear my face." She shuddered and I couldn't honestly disagree with her on that one.

Dude did have serial killer written all over him. It was a shame really... It was always the hot ones.