Dead Serious

Chapter 4 - The Social Suicide

I don't mind admitting that I almost quit the job after the funeral. It was way harder than I had expected it to be. For one thing, I'd never lifted anything heavy in my whole life so finding out how heavy a coffin was came as a shock. Not only do you have the dead weight of a person, but you also have to add in the weight of the box which weighs about the same as an empty bookshelf. So if you ever get selected to carry one, first of all I'm very sorry for your loss. Secondly, head to your nearest IKEA and get practicing.

On top of all the physical work though was the real issue. It was so hard to see so many people in pain. I used to get really upset seeing the commercials on TV about people living in poverty but that was nothing compared to seeing this. It sounds insensitive but it was exhausting. I wasn't in a particularly sad mood but I had to pretend to be for all their sakes. I had to pretend to be upset about the dead guy when in reality I had no idea who he was. He could have been a total dick for all I knew but I still had to act like I was grieving too.

I could have easily taken a nap when we got back to Eternal Wings but Tom had other ideas.

"Ok now that the fat man is in the ground, how about we get so drunk that we might be joining him tomorrow?"

"I'll pass guys" Steve said. "The kids are away for the weekend so the wife and I will finally have some peace"

"To get naughty?" Asked Tom.

"To sleep" Steve corrected.

"I'm up for it" Aaron shrugged.

"I think I'll give it a miss too" I said. I explained how drained I was feeling but apparently that wasn't a legitimate reason.

"Quit being such a baby. Trust me you'll feel way better after that first beer. It's what the dead guy would've wanted". I didn't agree with Tom, but I was smart enough to know that he wasn't going to let me get away with bailing, especially since I came across so keen for it the other day. So I had no choice but to tag along. If working in a funeral home was so depressing then I couldn't imagine what a "work's night out" would be like, but it was almost time to find out.

We tidied up and took the next bus into the centre of town. The whole time I just listened to Tom and Aaron argue over everything, from where we should go to drink, to how many people had soiled themselves on the particular bus that we had been on. They were like an old married couple, very annoying but at the same time very entertaining.

Once they'd finally decided, we ended up in one of the city's older bars. It was dimly lit with several miniature lamps dotted about the place, giving the red walls a faint glow. This would be a perfect place for a romantic date but here I was with two other men.

I hated to admit it, but they were right. Drinking definitely filled my happiness meter back up so I figured I'd take the chance to get to know the two guys better.

"How did you meet your fiancé?" I asked Aaron.

"In a club. She was dancing and I decided that she was pretty hot so I just went over and spoke to her. The rest is history" He said in between mouthfuls of beer. God, I wished I could be as cool as that.

"What about you, Tom? Any women in your life?"

"Man, have you seen the size of me? There's too much of me for just one woman. I'm like a wild animal. Spreading joy to all the ladies that want some" He replied, seeming to be more engrossed in his cell phone. I was about to tell him how unlikely I found his story when he almost choked on his drink.

"Are you ok?" I asked him, hoping that I didn't have to bury someone else today.

"Are you an idiot?" He asked me, evidently not dying.