Dead Serious

Chapter 13 - The Damage Control

"I don't know if you can hear me, Mrs. Hart but if you can, I need you to send you're granddaughter some sort of sign and get her to forgive me ok?" I asked Naomi's grandmothers corpse.

They say that when people are in a coma, they can still hear what you're saying to them so I was taking the chance that this was also the case when that person is dead. It's pretty similar right?

We were currently catering the funeral for the "Horny old lady's" dead husband but I had snuck away to discuss my important matter with Naomi's grandma.

Suddenly, I heard the den door opening so I sat up straight and pretended to look busy.

"What you doing through here?" Tom asked.

Things had gotten better between us all since Christian's visit the night before. All it took was a few episodes of Frasier in the morning before the funeral and everything was back to normal.

"Just getting a break is all" I lied. "How's it going through there?" I asked.

"Depressing. So we're doing a good job. The old bat's only touched Aaron's ass three times which is actually pretty low" Tom sighed in disappointment. He had made a bet with Steve and I about how many times she would cop a feel but the low number meant that we were all wrong.

"Life is full of surprises" I observed.

"So is death" Tom smirked. "What's your future dead grandma in law saying?" He asked.

"Is that even a thing?" I chuckled.

"It is now" He shrugged.

"Do you think Naomi will forgive me?" I asked him.

"Probably. Vanessa let Aaron off with it and she's a whack job. Naomi seems pretty chilled so you should be fine. She's about to be a teacher for Christ sakes, she better get used to stupid little boys"

"Why do you hate Vanessa so much?" I asked, deciding to ignore his "little boy" comment. It was still a touchy subject for me since I still wasn't over Naomi seeing the junk in my front trunk. "Is it just because it meant that Aaron wasn't your wingman anymore?"

"Do you really think I'm that petty?"

"Yes"

"And you would be absolutely correct. But that's not the only reason. I just don't see how he can be happy when he spends all his free time being bossed around, you know? I'm sure she's friendly and a decent fuck but is that enough for our boy?" He said this with a completely straight face, which I once again had to give him credit for.

"Maybe he's happy though? Isn't that what's most important?" I suggested.

"Maybe. It just confuses the shit out of me" He sighed.

We got back to the funeral and finished up. Thankfully, Aaron's ass didn't receive any more attention, but he still wasn't happy.

"I hope she never remarries" He said in a traumatised tone.

"Don't worry dude, she'll be dead soon too" Tom smiled.

"I wouldn't be surprised if her body still groped me. Or if her ghost follows me home and watches me shower" Aaron shivered at the thought.

As usual, Steve was very quiet. While we were tidying up (funerals get surprisingly messy), he was sat down reading the newspaper.

"Anything exciting going on Steve?" I asked, trying to involve him. I knew he was still stressing about the takeover.

"There was a double murder in town last night" He told us, his eyes remaining on the paper.

"Holy shit!" I cried.