Dead Serious

Chapter 22 - The Peace And Quiet

Instead of going back to Eternal Wings where we thought the police would look first for us, we all went home instead. At least if we were all spread out then less of us were likely to get caught. However something strange happened. No one came. No police and no Christian Goldstein.

Even weirder, when I came into work the next day to meet the others, we were all there in one piece. It was as if the events from the previous night had never happened. Even Alfred and Geoffrey had made it back home by themselves! What was going on? Everything was finally revealed just after lunch time when Aaron returned with a newspaper.

"You guys are not going to believe this shit!" He exclaimed, slapping the paper down so we could read the headline. "FINAL NAIL IN COFFIN FOR FUNERAL HOME".

"What the hell?" Steve asked. I took the paper and read it to them. Some of it was boring but here's the exciting part. Aaron was right. You guys won't believe this shit:

"There were chaotic scenes at a local funeral home last night as police were called to respond to an alleged break in. however, it was quickly discovered that there was no such break in at all, with no signs of forced entry, or anything reported stolen. What the responding officers did see though, were four men seeming to be surfing on top of coffins belonging to the home. The officers found the men, most of which were unconscious, lying in a heap after their coffins appear to have crashed into a nearby brick wall.

This is only the latest scandal to hit the Christian Goldstein Funeral Care company in the last few weeks after many high profile gaffes, including a casket being dislodged from the back of a hearse and the body of a client being dressed as a giant chicken. As well as being charged with wasting police time, the aforementioned Christian Goldstein has reportedly lost a whole host of clients, with this latest scandal proving to be the last straw.

We tried to get a quote from Mr. Goldstein but he was unavailable for comment. This latest incident appears to have closed down his business"

Yep that's right. Christian was done. Finished.

We later found out that he'd skipped town and opened up again in a different city, meaning that all of the business that was available in Kent was going to come our way. We couldn't believe it! After everything that had happened it was finally over. I asked Naomi if she wanted to call the police and report her kidnapping but she didn't.

"I just want to leave it all behind me" She told me. I'm pleased to say that I wasn't included in that. As far as she and I were concerned, we were solid.

Things quickly became chaotic then. There was almost too much for us to do! We held a funeral every morning and afternoon every day for the next two weeks. Steve was making a fortune, Tom was happy to be making peoples nightmares come true and Aaron was thankful for the extra money being thrown into his wedding fund.

He even finally managed to convince Vanessa to hold the wedding at Eternal Wings so they could save a bit of money. This had the potential to be the weirdest thing to ever happen at the funeral home, and there was quite a contenders list!

Speaking of the wedding, I was amazed when Aaron decided that he wanted me to be a part of it. It was a huge surprise, and quite an honour. He'd chosen Steve and Tom as his two best men, which wasn't really a surprise but when he turned to me I was nervous.

"And you Sam. I've got a job for you too" He smiled.

"Which is?" I asked cautiously.

"I want you to be the ring bearer. Do you think you can do that for me?" He asked.

"You bet I can" I sighed in relief as I was worried that I'd have to do some sort of public speaking. Although my anxiety had been significantly eased lately and I'd come out of my shell a bit thanks to my colleagues, I was still not too keen on having an entire room having their attention on me. At least with a funeral they looked mostly at the coffin, even though I was the one carrying it. This brings me to my next reason that I was relieved. Surely carrying some rings would be a lot easier than carrying a coffin! At least it would be a change.

"Good. Now you're sure you're going to be ok with it, it won't be too much for you to handle?" Aaron asked.

"Of course not. Why would it be?"

"Well . . . it looked a bit stressful the last time that Frodo had to carry a ring!" He joked, leading Tom to completely howl with laughter.

"Hilarious" I said sarcastically.

The good mood that Aaron was in rubbed off on everyone, except the people who'd just lost loved ones of course. We were seeing so much more of them now that we were the main players in the funeral business. As far as taking care of the dear and departed, we really were the best show in town!

Yes, we were the only one, but still. I'm pretty proud of that!