Dead Serious

Chapter 6 - The Offer

Incredibly I managed to get Naomi to give me her number and we began messaging each other every day. Obviously it was nothing too exciting because it was me that was involved but she never seemed to lose interest in our conversation. The only thing that I didn't like about it was that it meant I had to put up with Aaron constantly telling me "I told you so". Small price to pay really.

I was slowly getting used to funerals too. If anyone else starting saying that then you'd certainly feel sorry for them but with me it was a little different. I was even getting used to Tom's inane ability to talk badly during our procession but remain undetected. Better yet, whenever someone approached us to congratulate on the job we did, he would be able to act like the consummate professional. I swear he was being wasted here; Hollywood needs to see this guy. One such incident was the last funeral that we catered before it all went to hell.

It was yet another old guy that had died, this time at the age of 86. I was amazed to see that his grieving widow was definitely in the under 30 category. She was actually really attractive and could have any man she wanted. Everything about her was long, long blonde hair, long eyelashes around her blue irises and long legs protruding out from her tight black dress. The dress being the only thing that wasn't long.

"What do you think of the wife?" I whispered to Tom.

"Looks or personality?" He asked.

"Looks" I answered. The only thing I'd seen of her personality was that she was upset that her husband had died.

"She's hot, but I wouldn't go there" He muttered.

"You wouldn't?" I was shocked. This was the same Tom right? Where was the smutty comment?

"She's a gold digging whore". Ah that was more like it.

"Just because she was married to an old guy?"

"First of all, that's like me going out with the foetus of a foetus", I didn't really want that image in my head. "And second, this is the fourth time we've cremated her husband" He continued.

"He looked pretty good for a guy who'd been turned to ashes three times"

"It's a different one each time you idiot!"He hissed. "She must just go out looking for desperate old men to take advantage of. I don't know who I feel more sorry for, the dudes for being so stupid or her for being so tragic. One thing's for sure; I can't wait to play Casket Shuffle with her"

"Gentlemen!" The women called to us. We had been so engrossed in our conversation that we hadn't even noticed her approaching.

"Hello there Mrs. Booth" Tom casually greeted her.

"Hello Tom" She then cast her eyes to my shaking form. "I don't believe I've met you before". She was probably the hottest person to ever talk to me and I was terrified. Especially when you added in what we'd just been saying about her.

"I'm new" I offered. "I hope you've had a good day" I was on autopilot.

"I'm at my husband's funeral" She reminded me.

"Oh yeah. What I meant was, was the cremation ok?"

"He burned didn't he?" She asked.

"Yeah. . ." God I hoped so anyway.

"What I think the little guy means is, we hope you are pleased with our services today" Tom finally saved me.

"Aren't I always?" She winked conspiratorially before leaving us to it.

"Yes you are you bitch" He whispered, reverting to his ninja like ways. It was just as well he did too, because almost as soon as he'd spoken, an old woman approached us. It was like his insult had magically made her appear.