Realization (L Lawliet)

Five

     Watari found L an hour later, who was absently tracing his finger over the lines in the wood. He sat in front of L, pushing a plastic bag in front of his face. 

     "I got you lunch. I tried calling, but you didn't answer." 

     "My phone died." L said, taking the bag and opening it. "Thanks, Watari." 

     Watari had brought a simple PBJ without the J. So it was just a PB. L lived for PB's. 

     "You don't look well." 

     L shrugged, taking a bite out of his sandwich. "I never really do." 

     "What's the matter?" 

     "Remembering BB a little. Seems like something he would have done." 

     Watari sighed. "BB was a fine student. Very smart...and a good friend to you." 

    "But then he had to become a serial killer and then..." L's voice trailed off. "How exactly did he die? I don't remember." 

     Watari seemed shocked at that statement. "He killed himself, Ryuzaki." 

     L hung his head. "Oh." 

     There was a silence before L said, "Everybody seems to be doing that...like A."

     "Ryuzaki...there was nothing we could..."

     L cut Watari off. "There was something you could've done!" he said, raising his voice. "Maybe you could've seen that Rodger and you were pushing them too far! You could've helped! And this is all because they were trying to succeed me! Do you know how terrible that makes me feel?!" 

     "Calm down, Ryuzaki. I don't feel too good about their deaths, either." 

      "How can you stay so calm?! I...I'm not okay!" 

     "They aren't coming back, we can only hope to change the future." 

     L sat still for a moment, zoning out. When he came back, he took another bite of the PB and said, "I'm sorry, Watari. 

     "I'm sorry too." 

     L ate the rest of the sandwich in silence. The police still didn't have a lead yet, so L couldn't jump right into the investigation with a cheery, "Hello, mates!" 

     That would be awkward and very suspicious. 

     He also couldn't just waltz into the police station, smile, and say, "My name is L Lawliet and I'm the greatest detective in the world, and I would help you solve the case, but only if you're okay with me hogging your snacks and watching K-drama and having mental breakdowns!" 

     He had to wait for the police to catch up, which was almost tortuous. There were so many idiots he had to put up with every single day. 

     

     On the way back, L saw Nikola walk past him, holding his sea monsters board. He didn't even seem like he wanted to take one glance at L. 

     L must have fucked up a lot. 

     

     L was watching more trashy TV with his mouth full to the limit with Famous Amos cookies while Watari was busy talking to unknown people on the phone. 

     L would usually listen to the conversation, but Watari told him it was just kids from the Wammy's House. 

     L only wanted to listen more because of that. Life over there was like reality TV.