Realization (L Lawliet)

Eleven

     L slept most of the day in a feverish manner. He felt even more tired every time he woke up. 

    But every time he woke up, Watari was sitting next to his bed, always having something prepared to help L out. 

     L's heavy eyelids wouldn't open all the way, but he could still see Watari. Watari gave L a warm smile, placing a wet cloth on his forehead, relieving some of the hyperthermia. 

      "Hopefully this gets better soon. Your fever is high. If not, I'm going to have to bring you to see a doctor. It could need medicine." 

     L closed his eyes, drifting into another restless sleep. 

     L didn't exactly have a dream. More like flashes of memories and of nightmares from the past. Most of them had other Wammy's kids in them, but one of them featured what seemed to be a taller version of Nikola...and a lot more ferocious. He was holding a notebook in his hand, talking without any sound. 

     That notebook...so familiar...

     L woke up when it was finally dark outside, panting. He weakly pushed the covers off of him, surprised by his lack of strength. Watari must have gone back to his own bed, after all, nobody could stand guard over him all twenty four hours in the day. 

     He dragged himself to Watari's room, pushing open the door. With every step he took, his dizziness got worse. 

     It was not the dream that bothered him, he didn't feel scared at all when he woke up. He felt more...angry, sad, nostalgic. 

     Once again, he fought to remember the name of the man holding the notebook...no...not man...boy, teenager. 

      He was just a teenager, a mere teenager L had no memory of meeting, yet thinking about his face sent off a chain reaction in his endocrine system. There were too many emotions associated with that face, yet none of them were anything related to happiness or love. 

     L could say one thing about that teenager: he hated him, he hated him more than he had never hated anyone else in his 23-year-long life. 

     It was a strange emotion. L could now understand why Mello always snapped a rubber band on his wrist whenever he felt any urge to seriously blow up on Near. L could now understand the deadly calm look Beyond Birthday was giving him as he was dragged off by the police. There was no screaming, no rage in their faces. Just that calm stare that was anything but calm. 

     It was nearly as strong as fear. It ate you from the inside out. It was a tug at your emotions...like fear, you had to get rid of it. If you didn't, you never could live happily again. 

     L didn't realize he was just standing in the threshold, facing an empty room with a neatly-made bed. He snapped back to reality, taking his mind off the teenager. His endocrine system calmed down a little, going back to its default "cliche ace person" mode. 

      He turned around, placing a hand on his burning forehead. Where was Watari? L was usually the one to stay up all night long, not Watari. Watari was the one with a normal sleep cycle. 

     L stumbled down the hallway, leaning against one wall for support. His vision blurred as he walked, head pounding against the top of his skull with each step. 

     "Ryuzaki?" 

     L looked up and saw Watari. He stepped forward until he felt Watari's arm rubbing his back. He rested his head on his shoulder.