My romance is truly a failure because I was seriously desperate to have a boyfriend. When I found a guy, I said yes to him right away and, that was the biggest mistake I ever made because, at the end he broke my heart. It was pretty reckless of me to have boyfriend just because of yearning to have a companion. I thought having a boyfriend would change my life and it did because, at the end it made me realize that I should think first before saying yes to a guy.
Right now I am thinking if I have a future with either Philip or Tyler. Both of them are one of a kind but, they don’t compare to Luke. Well all of them are different in every aspect but, the only similarity all of them have is that, they are all close to me. Even though I only met Tyler for a short time I already count him as a friend of mine. Walking back to the house seemed like everything was at slow-mo. It felt like time was ticking too slow, and the house of Lyka was far, even though it was just a 25 minute walk from the beach.
Sitting at the front porch, I stared at the house of Charlotte. I wonder if one day I’ll be sitting at this same porch, watching her and Luke enter their house. I closed my eyes and imagined a beach wedding but, it wasn’t mine. It was Luke’s, and he stood at the end of the isle, while his bride—Charlotte came walking down with a bouquet in her hands. I in the other hand am sitting in one of the seats crying, and watching them become man and wife.
There is a possibility that my imagination could really happen in the future but, I wouldn’t be crying because they are my friends, and I should be happy for them. Maybe my imagination is a sign telling me that the means of letting go just show, how much I truly love him. Going back to my conversation with him this morning, I was staring into his eyes but, he wasn’t staring into mine. Recalling everything I realized he was staring at the necklace and the bracelet. His eyes seemed really sad and confused but, he didn’t want to show it through the tone of his voice.
I am just totally confused right now, does his sad eyes mean that he still has feelings for me? Sitting at the porch, I just want to run over the coffee shop right now, and ask him a lot of questions. Making steps for moving on is just, complicated because he still lingers in my head, up until now. I was really stupid to wear the necklace and bracelet in front of him because, I knew from the look in his eyes that they resemble his past with me, and the love he had for me. His love and feelings for me is all gone now.
Walking back up to my room, there was a post-it stuck on my door. It read,
Meet me by the beach at 7 tonight, I want to confirm something with you, and I just hope that you really come later. See you! –L
What does he want to confirm with me? Should I go? What went on in his mind that he wants to meet up with me tonight? Here goes all the questions again. But, whatever he has to confirm with me, I shall face him even though right now, I feel really nervous. Standing under the warm shower, I’m already thinking of the things he wants to confirm with me. There is a possibility that he wants to talk about the necklace and the bracelet, or the box, or something else that is making me want to not go.
After taking a warm bath, I laid down in bed and looked at the note he left again. I just hope that Charlotte knows about us meeting tonight because, if she finds out from someone else, she might think I’m flirting with Luke or the other way around. Did Luke tell his girlfriend that we had a past? Does Charlotte know that I was his ex? These questions are just driving me crazy. What if she doesn’t know? But, if she doesn’t know, why hasn’t Luke tell her? Is he going to tell it sooner or later, or is he going to hide it from his girl? These are some of the questions that I think I should ask him, when I see him later tonight.
Time was ticking too fast and it was already 6:30 P.M, and I am still wrapped around my towel, lying down in bed. No one is home, and assuming Lyka and Leo might be coming home late because it is a Friday night. They hold acoustic nights today and tomorrow, will he be able to arrive at 7? There might be already a lot of customers, and the café might be full house tonight. How will he get out? Should I really go? Preparing to meet him up, I took the necklace and the bracelet from the table, and wore them again.
It was a chilly night tonight, and I was stupid not to bring my cardigan, there wasn’t much people passing by, and the roads were already half empty. Listening to “Mirrors” by Justin Timberlake, I questioned myself, who is the half of me? Will it be any of the three? Even though my earphones were plugged in, I could already hear the crashing of the waves while, crossing the pedestrian lane. As I approached the beach, my fingers trembled, and the hair on both my arms, stood up. Am I really this nervous?
I watched the sky turn from purple and pink, to Deep Ocean blue, and then out of the nowhere, little bright lights started to fill the sky. The moon popped out behind a thick gray cloud and became a part of the sky, it rippled through the ocean and it was beautiful. At the other end of the of the shore, I watched as two couples, sat in front of a bonfire, and was preparing to burn some mallows. I wish we lasted for a long period of time, if that happened; we might be like the other couples, sitting and enjoying the night, or sipping a cup of hot choco at the coffee shop.
