Philip! What would I do without him? After calling him, he made me realize that I should stop running away from my past. That I should learn to have the courage to face my past and the people who were part of it. Should I move on and tell him that I am ready to be in another relationship? Seeing how happy Charlotte was with Luke seemed like their relationship could last forever. I was being stubborn and showed that I was really weak in the inside when I ran away awhile back. Right now, I should stop crying like some little girl and face the reality that he has found someone else better.
Walking back I questioned myself again, was it right to come back to Orlando? Should I just have stayed at California and train with Philip? I should stop assuming that once I came back here everything will go back to the way it was back then because, it wouldn’t. People has changed and moved on while, I haven’t. There is a part in me that is afraid to let go with what I had in the past, while he has learned to let go and move on with his life. I felt love in the letter he wrote but, it doesn’t explain why he walked away from me that night. Right now I am at dose again and the question comes back, the question that, do I really belong here?
I grabbed 2 packs of combos at 7 eleven and went back home. The house was empty, looking around, a lot has changed. Lyka turned the old storage room into a guess room and it seemed that someone else was using it. Walking inside, it reeked of the smell of a man, opening the closet I knew in an instant who the owner was—Luke! Leo accepted him into the coffee shop and even allowed him to stay here. Why hasn’t she told me the fact that he is living here? I must have known earlier. I will be living with the one and only person, who made my heart, beat fast, and at the same time broke my heart.
Sitting in bed I grabbed the box and looked at the bundle of pictures that were stacked up. Looking at them one by one I realized that they were taken by him, places that he has been too, and it explains everything. Now I know that he pursued being a photographer because his passion is to take memorable pictures of places where one day he would want to bring me too. He took a picture of the Buckingham Palace with a guard standing outside, it had a caption on the back that said,
This will be the future house of the one and only queen of my life, which is you Akeena dear, I love you very much and I hope you’re doing great. Tomorrow I’ll be moving onto Italy and I hope that I could have brought you, so that we could be together travelling the city of love & Romance <3 Xoxo Luke
He wrote in all of these pictures and told me how much he wanted me to be with him, and he told me how much he loved and missed me. It seemed like he meant every single word he wrote but, looking at him and Charlotte made them unreal. I am merely a part of his past now; he has way moved on ahead of me. I just wish right now that I must have gotten this box earlier because, I longed for him so badly. Tears started to slowly run down my cheeks and I just let them be, because they showed what I truly felt. Lying in bed I allowed tears to cradle me as I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up at around 11:30 in the evening with my stomach grumbling. I haven’t eaten lunch and dinner, nor did I touch the combos I bought earlier at the store. While fixing my clothes into the closet the turquoise necklace slipped out, and fell onto the floor. Is this another sign that I truly haven’t move on? I looked at it for a few more seconds before I, picked it up and wore it. Standing in front of the mirror wearing it, felt like he was standing beside me, and he too was staring at me instead of the mirror.
Looking out my window the moon was full tonight and the streets were already silent. I wanted to walk outside and the beach was just near but, I didn’t have the guts to do so. I do not know when but, sure enough in the right time I should slowly and step by step start to let go. Because, if I keep on holding on nothing will happen to my life, and every day I’ll simply suffer the memories of my past. More of these events will happen because this is only my first day here at Orlando.
