The Smile Always Fades

17. Secrets and Truths

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Even though Anna was hopeful about her relationship with Bentley, she still had her doubts. Talking to Cassy had just made her fears and speculations even more real. They were beginning to house in the fore-front of her mind and she had started to inwardly obsess over her thoughts, which had been haunting her ever since her phone conversation with Cassy.

Spring break was only about ten days away and Anna knew it wouldn't be fair to Cassy if she went to New York obsessing and fretting over a boy. No, she needed to talk to Bentley and straighten things out; see how he really felt about this so called "relationship."

Anna wasn't quite sure what Bentley was thinking, and Anna could feel a small part inside of her that wondered if something bad might happen. She didn't want to be rejected, but she wanted a definite answer either way. It's better to lose something now and take the time to get over it then live a lie for months and be heartbroken in the future, she told herself. That thought had actually been giving her a bit of comfort in the recent hours.

Anna was confident that she would see Bentley today at school. Aside from their shared math class, they had a scheduled math tutoring session together during lunch. She wasn't sure how much tutoring they'd get done though, since Anna was planning on spending most of the time talking about her pressing concerns.

It didn't take long for him to find her. On sunny days--like today--Anna would take her lunch under her and Cassy's stake out tree. It always gave Anna an inward warmth; almost like everything was exactly how it used to be, like Cassy would walk up and sit next to her at any moment.

"Hey you," Bentley said, causing Anna to open her eyes and focus on the person sitting in front of her in the fresh grass. "Having a zen moment?"

"Oh," Anna said a bit startled. "Just sitting with my thoughts...knocking on the sky."

Bentley smiled. "When we first met, I never would have pegged you as the nerdy type. Nice TRON reference, by the way."

"Thank," Anna said shyly.

"So are you ready for polynomials?" Bentley asked with mock enthusiasm.

Anna smiled. Here goes nothing. "Actually, Bentley, I was kind of hoping to talk."

Bentley's eyes grew bigger and he shifted in the cool grass underneath him. "Can it wait?" he countered. "We have an exam in math on Thursday that I doubt you're ready for."

Anna was a bit hurt that Bentley didn't drop everything just to find out what was on her mind. "I'm sure I can handle it," she said in a clipped tone. "It's really important that we talk about this now, Bentley; it's been weighing on my mind a lot lately."

Even though it was subtle, Anna heard Bentley give off an unwilling sigh. "Fine, what's wrong?" he asked annoyed.

"Well, first off, I'm curious to know where this attitude is coming from," she began. "But more importantly, I'm just not quite sure how you see us. I mean, when you think of me, does the word "girlfriend" come to mind?"

Bentley looked a bit shocked and taken aback. "Are you serious right now? Anna, we don't have time for this conversation."

"Well then let's make time. I need to know, preferably before I leave for New York during spring break."

"I kiss you, don't I?" He was acting like Anna was accusing him of a crime.

"Yes, you do, and I love it when you kiss me, but that doesn't mean that you want me as a girlfriend, Bentley. You haven't even taken me on an official date. Have you even told any of your friends about me?"