I belonged to another man. I was in the home of another man. I was in the bedroom of another man. And yet, there I was, my lips pressed to someone else.
The night of my consultation about my Lambo, Will had to take off on a business trip for the remainder of the weekend. His impromptu vacation gave me time to think about what I wanted in my life, as well as time to assess what it was that was making me think differently.
Because Will maintained an incredibly busy schedule, and I was always required to go along with him to any and every event, I didn't ever have time to make friends. The only person that I did find friendship in, other than the mechanic, was Will's housekeeper, Ariana. I could tell she needed a friend just as badly as I did, and over time we bonded and quickly became each other's confidant.
She sat before me in the dark living room, our only source of light was the fireplace that burned between us. I sat in my large comfy chair, Ariana across from me on the sofa. I'd given her the night off to have a drink with me, and we were close to reaching our second bottle of red wine.
"So we should catch up. How's everything going lately?" She asked me this as she poured the wine into her glass; I watched the crystal reflect off the flickering light of the fire.
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"I'm definitely not as happy as I pretend to be," I said, staring at the glasses in front of me.
"I can tell," Ari said, lifting her cup to her lips. "You haven't been yourself. What's going on?" I lifted my eyes to hers, and the way the light hit her face was bewitching. It occurred to me that other than Joe, Ariana was the only person I truly trusted. I didn't have any relationship with my parents, my sisters and I were too distant to even be considered family anymore, and I was never close with any aunts or uncles. In a nutshell, I grew up alone, with my life constantly changing without my voice being heard. If Ari was all I had, I truly did not mind spilling to her.
"I care about Will, I do," I began, picking up a glass and swirling its contents in my right hand.
"M-hm, " Ari said, her lips on the brim of her cup.
"But a few days ago, we had this huge fight that kind of got out of control."
"Out of control how?" Taking my eyes away from hers, I brushed my long bangs away from my face and revealed to her my healing markings near my cheek and eye.
"He hit me."
Ari lowered the glass from her lips, her mouth dropping slightly. Her eyes began to fill with tears.
"Oh, Demi," she whispered, setting her glass down and coming toward me. She kneeled in front of me then, and took my face in her hands, studying my injury closely. "I can't believe this."
"It was my fault," I rushed to say, immediately wishing I hadn't caused her the concern. "I shouldn't have made him so angry."
"Now you listen to me," she held my chin and stared me directly in the eyes. "It is NEVER your fault if a man hits you. He is a coward, and that is not okay. Do you understand?" Hearing words like these from Ariana surprised me. She was much younger than I was - she was 21 and I was 24 - yet she seemed to have so much wisdom.
When she noticed how long it took me to respond, she continued.
"Demi? If you don't listen to anything else I ever say, at least listen to this." I nodded, waiting for her to finish. She spoke slowly, as though she needed to be assured that I absorbed her every word. "You deserve a man that will put YOU first. Do not settle for anything less. If you do, you're the one that becomes the coward."
For some unfathomable reason, what she said made me think of the mechanic in that beat up old shop. Something about her words brought me back to him. Maybe it was her heart, maybe it was her genuine care, maybe it was her wisdom. Whatever it was, that moment helped me understand that I was around the right people, and even though I didn't have my own family, I could certainly build one.
"Thanks," I said, feeling the tears collect and gloss my eyes.
With that, she released my chin, reached back and grabbed the second bottle. A smile on her face as she turned back to me, we both refilled our glasses, clinked them together, and took a sip.
JJDL
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*****If you or anyone you know is suffering domestic abuse, please call 1-(800) 799 -7233, or please visit thehotline.org. *****
