Waves of coldness invaded my body as Eric ran his hand up and down the side of my thigh. "You know me, that didn't mean shit." He spoke lowly, gazing at me with doe eyes. I was unsure of whether I forgave him about his intimacy with Tomica. As of right now, we were having the cliche 'it was meaningless' conversation. I didn't want to forgive him, because my gut told me he'd do it again. My mind was somewhere else, there's no "What was I thinking?", because I wasn't thinking at all.
Everyone and their mother knows prominent rap figure Eazy-E was one to get around. Psh! How do you think we met?
Nevertheless, I needed him. My father always warned me that I should never depend on someone for my sanity, but I was so hopeless. My former best friend had possibly been sleeping with my ex-fiance, each family member that I had didn't want anything to do with me. I had friends, don't get me wrong, but Khadijah was like my other half. The guys were nice, but I needed affection. And Eric was where I could get it. I couldn't help but feel pathetic, and mortified.
"It's-its not that, Eric. You don't know how terrible these previous weeks have been, I don't have anyone. Seeing you and Tomica was... it was heart breaking." My voice cracked as I stared at my lap with my eyelids low.
Eric sighed and had began to talk, foregoing my action of cutting him off. "And who am I to be depending on someone who's so obnoxiously careless? I mean, I saved your life for fuck's sake. I'm the first person in the world to cure cancer and the media barely recognizes me for it," I stuck my finger in my chest as I let a tear fall, "You made me feel special. I won't lie, I still want you, I want you to tall with me. Make love to me. All that. But y'know, why should I feed into what some ungrateful fuck says?!" I wiped my tears away and got up from the couch, mushing Eric's head as I walked past. I heard him kiss his teeth as I found myself bent over the kitchen island, burying my face in my hands.
I had heard noise from across me followed by a huff of air. Looking up, I found Eric staring at me, such somber in his eyes. I knew he was sorry, I felt remorse radiating off his body.
"You confusin' me right now, Kuneka. I apologize. I just want you to know I regret that shit, and I'm glad it didn't go that far." Eric said as he came next to me, taking me into a side hug.
Reluctantly, I stood up straight and tool him into a real hug. "The best apology is changed behavior." I voiced softly against his ear. After I said that, I felt myself being emotionally drained. Sense of regret and stupidity rushed through my veins; I was an idiot.
"I want to help you," I laid my head on his shoulder, taking in his fresh scent. "We need each other." This was partially true, as I was the only one who knew Eric wasn't serene mentally. Eric himself didn't quite comprehend, but I did.
"We ...we gon' be straight, Kuneka." Eric's voice trailed off as he spoke, as if he had just realized something.
Reflecting on all the bad and good this year has brought us separately and as one, I found a bit of tranquility within it all. It wasn't okay, but it was ...okay. None of it made sense, but thats the way it had to be.
The revenge plot for Suge was taking place the day after tomorrow. D.O.C told Dre that there wasn't many of Suge's goons around the early morning. And Suge gets there as early as 7. Dre stressed that he was never that punctual, so we all presumed that something was going on. It was best if they took precaution. I wasn't worried, though, they seemed like they knew what they were doing.
It was best we had closure before Eric went on about his business. I wanted to let him know that I was there for him.
We had been sitting here in each other's arms for a while, just thinking. The door bell soon rang, startling me and I pulled away slowly. "I'll get it," I said, walking across the spacious area to get to the front door. It rang several more times before I opened it to find Dre and Ren. "Damn, what's the urgency?" I said, referring to the obscene usage of the doorbell.
They swiftly brushed past me while Ren retorted, "You openin' nigga's doors and shit now?"
I sucked my teeth and followed them to Eric. "It ain't even that kinda party."
The three of them dapped each other up and greeted accordingly. "So check it, from what I hear, Pac thinkin' bout leavin' Deathrow." Ren said to Eric.
I hopped up on the counter, "Didn't he diss you for leavin' Deathrow? It's been a couple times."
"Yeah, but I'm not worried about that. Thing is, Suge is runnin' out of talent. He got Tupac still, but who knows for how long. D.O.C leavin' in a couple days. He got Quik. Snoop comin' with me. Other than Warren and Nate, shit, he ain't got shit." Dre said with a shrug.
"So what that mean?" Eric asked.
"Suge gone be working harder. And we think it's gon' be better to go late at night. It's all goin' down on a Sunday, so it's not like they gon' be partying or anything. Shit, Suge gone have at least Quik and 2 other niggas in there." Ren informed us.
Eric chuckled, "We gon' take out Quik too? What that nigga do?"
"I mean, shit, we don't got to. Let's just hope that he ain't there." Dre said laughing.
I questioned myself about how I was convinced this was the norm: killing people. I mean, they're NWA. It was their culture, definitely not mine.
It was obvious to how they adopted this lifestyle, I just wondered their reasoning behind it. It faintly reminded me of that one Tupac song, Hit 'Em Up. "Killin' ain't fair but somebody gotta do it." I guess that's just how it went in California.
-
very short chapter, i apologize.
i will admit i have gotten a bit lazy, so the loss in reads and votes is maybe something i deserve right now. sorry again, i hope yall enjoy! please don't forget to read my latest story "get God on the phone", feedback is greatly appreciated! thank you!
