Unicorns On Wheels [Petekey]

14. Thursday.

2016/02/18 Thursday

I don't care how many followers I have at this point but I know that it's too many. It's more than I want and it's more than I need and, if after this post, you all still follow me I'll assume you're all sadistic assholes. Because all those OTP <3 and those annoying You love him comments are really offensive when your best friend is dying.

But none of you would know, because you likely don't have any best friends. Not to mention best friends dying of fucking Huntington's disease. Who even calls a fucking disease that? Why? I wondered that for the longest fucking time. But I decided that it didn't matter because caring is stupid and so are people who care and so are disease and you know what? Everything is fucking stupid.

I cut my face open today and I'm typing this from the hospital waiting room. Because my brother is an idiot and so am I and Dr Nestor is a waste of fucking oxygen. And so is the son of a bitch who forgot to salt the ramp on the way to the elevator outside of Dr Nestor's office building.

I don't like fucking therapy and you know what makes it worse? When, for the first time that Gerard trusts me to go in alone, the ramp isn't salted so the chair flips forward and I lie on the fucking snow, bleeding from my face and screaming for help because The Useless Logs of Fat™ are even more useless than one might think.

And you know I fucking hate this wheelchair. I hate this fucking blog and I fucking hate therapy and it's all stupid. It's a waste of time and I don't know why they're trying to make me fucking better when, instead, they should be working on a way to cure Huntington's. Because that's all that should matter right now.

Screw all those fucking doctors and scientists who work so hard on trying to find a cure for cancer. There's enough of those fucking bastards. You know what there's not enough of? There's not enough people trying to cure Huntington's which is fucking stupid because it's just as serious. No scratch that. It's fucking more serious.

Curing Huntington's is all that should matter to anyone at all anymore. Because that's the only important thing right now. Because Pete is all that matters. Pete is the only one everybody should be working for right now because he's the only one of those sons of bitches who deserves to stay alive but no one seems to get that and I don't know why.

This blog is stupid. You're all stupid. All of you reading this: you're all idiots and I hate you. I hate every single one of you fucking morons who sits there behind your computer screen and reads about us and all you can fucking think is about how we're in love but we're not and I don't think we ever will be. And you know why? BECAUSE HE'S DYING.

He's dying and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And it's stupid that I haven't heard from him since Monday. And it's even worse that that worries me. Would his parents even call me if he died? Or would they just wait for me to try and find out of my own? Huh? Is that it? Because I haven't even met them and what are the chances Pete's even told them anything about me?

I'm pissed at Gerard and I have been all day and I guess he sort of sensed this when he came to take me to Dr Nestor because we didn't talk at all. Neither of us said a fucking word while we struggled to get me dressed and ready. Which was fucking stupid. Why do we need 2 people to try and get me fucking showered and dressed?

They should've just fucking shot me when they realized I couldn't do anything with my fucking legs because let's face it, what can I do? I can't get dressed on my own. I can't drive. I can't do shit and you know who's fucking fault that is? My dad's. But god is fucking stupid so he's dead and the one who has to deal with all this shit is me.

And Gerard. Because he can't do anything either. He's supposed to be drinking and having fun and dicking around with Frank and shit. But instead, he's struggling to get me in and out of my fucking clothes while running me a shower before he fucking does my mother's job and takes me to therapy. And you know why he has to do that? Because god is fucking unfair and my mom is dead.