Bridging The Gap

Chapter Eight

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Once that I had accepted my parents pleas to shift abroad for better education prospects, there was a huge rush in our house. My parents were always leafing up through school pamphlets. Whenever I dropped by my mom's room, I could see her glued to her laptop. One day, I walked up to her and asked her about how good her search was going. She murmured something that I didn't catch. I was about to leave her with the work when I stopped and said," Will you miss me when I'm gone?" My mom was always a very closed person. Hardly have I seen her show her love for someone. Or infact her depression. She had a pedigree in bottling up her emotions. That's the reason I hardly know her even after almost sixteen years. That hurts.

My question hung in the air for long. Then finally she said," What do you expect?" "I don't know! I hardly know you! All you ever seem to me is like a strict mother! Of course you mean well but, a loving mom who will cry after her only daughter has gone away to some other part of the vast world? No. I can never imagine something like love and emotion with you."

I don't know where all that anger came in from me. No. I won't call that anger. Maybe confusion. Maybe frustration. Maybe.....I don't know what it was but at that moment I was not anymore the shy, timid and introvert to the power infinity Ann. I was just Ann. Without any tags. Someone who was just a start up.

My mom stared hard at the laptop screen but I knew she couldn't concentrate. She was too moved by my sudden outburst. Most probably, she'll tell me to leave her alone. But, she didn't. She sighed and said," Maybe you are right. All I have ever done in all my life is push away my emotions. I have ran away from them. Not accepted what I felt. Always kept everything to myself. But now, it's all messed up. Seriously. I'm tired of bottling myself up!" "Mom?" I cautiously went and sat down facing her. She wasn't usually like this, was she? This person right here in front of me, with features like my mom was a stranger to me.

"You can tell me what's wrong", I said after finding my voice. " Its just the circumstances. You. Mom. Me. Your dad. Why is everything feeling so fragile? Like...we all are bound by a delicate string and it might break anytime. We'll all fall then. Fall down deep. It scares me how easily I'm scared now",she said. Really? She.....she loved us so much. Now I know, now that I'll hardly see her. I felt like going and giving her a tight hug but I thought that might break her down. I asked after sometime," I hate it how life sucks sometimes. I feel like I'm swimming against the tide all the time. Life gives me all the problems it can but, I'm just swimming up against them. Every hour. Everyday."

"Maybe that's all life is about, you know. We all are born and one day we will die. No stopping that. That's the only truth you can rely completely. But, in between this birth and death, it's what we do that makes us stand out of the crowd. This life here, that we are living right now, is a gap. And all we need to do is bridge this gap between life and death. Life is all about bridging the gap. There will be stones, there will be rough grounds, but....just walk. Walk alone. Not all are fortunate to have a companion. I'm lucky enough, but I don't know why I always choose isolation. Over and over again."

My mom is all short and crisp words. Less emotion all around. But, I understood something today. People who bottle their feelings up and like isolation are the most emotional people. They keep everything to themselves only because sharing perhaps shatters them further.

I found my mom's words resonating around me long after I had assured her and left for my room. As I read a book, I knew it deep in my heart.

My mom couldn't have described the complicated procedure of life better.

Life was all about bridging the gap.